


The Party's NOT Over!

by mzlynx



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Breakup, Episode 508, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, dating games, episode rewrite, friends or lovers, heart ache
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-31
Updated: 2012-11-19
Packaged: 2017-11-17 11:35:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 48,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/551118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mzlynx/pseuds/mzlynx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dean dumps Rory in episode 5:08 she's left with a roomfull of boys set on cheering her up. What ways could Rory find for them to do exactly that? A so to speak companion to "The Party Sure Is Over", although not set in the same "reality".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Gilmore Girls is the brain child of Amy Sherman-Palladino. Everything belongs to her - I'm just playing in her sandbox.  
> The movies that have "lent" their names to the chapters are also the property of their respective creators.

**Oh, What a Party!**

Rory looked at the leaving truck, tears in her eyes. It felt like a nightmare. Dean coming to pick her up, Dean disapproving, Dean dumping her, Dean leaving… Vaguely she could hear the boys behind her, and Logan beside her. Trying to be comforting by telling her she’ll be alright. _Yeah, sure. Dean just dumped me, again, in public, again, and I’ll be fine? Don’t think so, Blondie._  
She heard Colin offer her scotch and Finn promise her a show and Logan slightly pushing her to get back in and solve things the way **they** did – by partying. Well, maybe they were right. Maybe some more champagne would help. And maybe nothing **would** seem as bad after seeing Finn’s “Passion of the Christ”. With that thought she turned and walked back inside the pool house.

~*~*~*~

An hour later Rory was willing to admit there was some merit to the boys’ philosophy. Finn’s “Passion of the Christ” had been almost as bad as Logan had claimed, but something in Finn’s eyes made her think that it was done that way on purpose. The scotch Colin had provided her with had been awful – although she had no way of knowing if it was because her grandfather **did** have “appalling taste” in the matter or if it simply was because it was **scotch**.

The champagne, however… The champagne tasted better and better, and thanks to Logan her glass was never empty. _You’ll regret this tomorrow, Gilmore,_ her conscience growled – as always in Paris’ voice – only to be drowned in another sip of champagne.

 _Regrets be damned, can’t I just have fun? So, I’ll have a hang-over. It’s not like I haven’t done **that** before. And I deserve one night of fun, don’t I? Now, how to make the best of it…?_ Rory’s thoughts started wandering, until it hit her. The perfect way to turn this night into something spectacular, and just maybe even get back a little at Dean as well…

She turned a little and motioned for Logan to come closer.

“Logan? Don’t you think it’s time I reconsidered the whole ‘pick-a-partner’-thing?” she said in a low voice.

He looked at her questioningly for a few seconds before his eyes lit with amusement.

“Sure is, Ace. So, how do you want to do this?”

“Lorelai-style, of course. Is there any other way?” She laughed quietly, drunkenly, realizing he didn’t exactly catch her point.

“Logan, Lorelai-style, as in the **other** Lorelai, more known as my mother.”

He nodded, obviously not quite following her, but still going along for the fun of it. They whispered for a while, and then Logan called for silence.

“Okay men. We have a challenge before us! See this adoring creature here? Apparently she no longer has an escort, thus meaning she’s back to picking one of us.” He was promptly cut of by whistles, catcalls and hurrays.

“The lovely lady has decided that in order for her to properly make her choice there will be a contest. So, tonight we give you the ‘Mr Pool house’ competition! The lady will now explain the rules.”

Rory stood up; amazingly steady for the amount of champagne she’d drunk, and started “laying down the law”:

“First off, only truly available men will be allowed. That means no gays, no married men and no one who’s seriously hung up on another girl.” She got a few raised eyebrows due to the second demand, but didn’t really care.

“Those of you willing to play stand on the right side of the room, that being **my** right, and the rest of you, please move down to the left corner.” She was pleased to see that more than half the boys indicated they were in fact willing to “play”.

“Second, the winner will have three dates to impress me. If those three dates work out he will meet my mother and her boyfriend; if they don’t scare him off or kill him – and yes, sadly that’s not too unlikely – we’ll play it by ear from there on.”

“Third, all of you have to agree that if you win you will help me make my grandparents never, ever come up with an idea like **this** ”, she waved towards them, “again, and make my ‘dear’ ex-boyfriend regret his actions.” Her words were followed by applauds and a “Damn right we will!” from Finn.

“Fourth, if the winner for some reason is prevented from going on all three dates, the runner-up will take his place. Finally, this will be closely following the pageant-formula, meaning that the first part will be a swimsuit-show. There are some suits in the back room, through that door over there, and you have two minutes. Starting now.”

The boys started leaving, all except Finn who was looking expectantly at Logan.

“Aren’t you going to join, Logan? Surely the lady deserves as much!”

Logan tried to protest, but had to give up when all non-contestants agreed with Finn.

The remaining boys cleared an area in front of Rory, placed a red carpet found in a corner there, and sat down with anticipating grins. Rory’s grin matched theirs, and superseded them, since she knew that there wouldn’t be enough **male** swimsuits to go around. _This is going to be fun!_

~*~*~*~

As she’d expected, Logan had managed to snag a pair of real, male trunks. _I wonder what he resorted to in order to get them,_ she thought to herself. _Well, looks good anyway. Not sure he’s my type though. Or rather: I’m pretty sure he’s **not** , at least not for real. But for something like this…?_ Any further debate on whether or not Logan Huntzberger was the man for “the job” would have to wait though; right now there were more boys to be ogled!

After the swimsuit part was over Rory was smiling widely. Most of the boys were fit, well-muscled and still had a nice tan. A nice surprise had been Colin, who’d not only had a nicer body than she’d guessed but who’d also been stuck with a red bathing suit. He’d pulled it off real good, though, and had lost not an ounce of his dignity while wearing it.

Another great show had been Finn, who’d actually **chosen** a hot pink bikini, with hipsters and a balconette bra. He’d completed his outfit with some outrageous sunglasses that looked like they’d been left behind when her mother had left home, and one of Emily’s sun hats. He should have looked absolutely ridiculous, but had in fact managed to only look like himself. Whether or not that should scare her was something Rory still debated. The only thing she was sure of was that his body had looked **great**.

For the second part of the “contest” Rory had the boys parade the red carpet in front of her, including a twirl, and then sit down on a barstool to be interviewed. True to her nature she asked them about their favorite movies, whether or not they read and if then what, and of course how they liked their coffee.

One boy immediately got taken out of competition due to a violent coffee allergy. _Who ever heard of something that ridiculous? God, he’d get the itch every time we kissed, and not the **good** kind of itch either!_ Too bad, in a way, since he was rather cute, but Rory didn’t need a date who might end up in the hospital just from being around her.

Another boy struck out completely after first stating his favorite movie as “The Lord of the Rings”, and then admitting to never having read the books. A third told her he simply **loved** Hemingway, but she rather suspected the boy in question had said “Hemingway” just to sound impressive. Too bad that Rory never had gotten around to liking Hemingway – not even after Jess’ patient pushing. Well, that gave her two solid reasons to strike him of her mental list.

Colin surprised her again by being a fan of “the Russians”, taking his coffee in the right way – that being just as she did – and loving “The Godfather”.  
Logan’s answers were as expected; acceptable but not particularly exiting. Answers that made him a good husband prospect, but not exactly a laugh-fest. Also, she wasn’t too sure how he’d make it in Stars Hollow.  
Finn, however, made her laugh again. “Reading, love? Does the back of the bottle count?” was followed by a fervent speech in favor of not as expected “the Passion of the Christ” but instead “anything Quentin Tarantino, love, really” – and of course Finn’s coffee preference was Irish.

Afterwards Rory took her glass of champagne and retreated outside for a pause to think.

“Okay, gentlemen, I’ve reached a decision. You’ve all been very helpful, and interesting, and it was really hard to choose just two of you. However, the power of champagne has spoken and I’m glad to announce that the runner-up is… Finn!”

At which Finn stood up, bowed and blew her a kiss, while being applauded.  
“But, however interesting Finn was, there was one of you that bested him. I’m very pleased to say that the winner is…”


	2. Chapter 2

**Return of the Pink Panther**

“…Colin McCrae!”

Rory saw the confused, surprised looks exchanged but didn’t care. So, people were expecting her to pick Logan. So what? It was her decision, and though she’d greatly appreciated having Logan pretend to be her boyfriend inside it didn’t necessary follow that she’d like him to **be** her boyfriend. Or, for that matter, go out on a date or three with him. Plus, considering everything she’d heard and seen she didn’t exactly trust Logan to stay faithful – not even for three dates.

In his face Rory could see the evidence that Logan too had expected her to pick him. _After all, he’s the one girls are lining up to be with. Gah! Conceited ass…_ She watched as he walked over to Colin, pounded his back and congratulated him, all while sending supposedly unnoticed glances her way. His behavior made her even more certain that she’d made the right choice.

“Interesting, love, very interesting. Haven’t seen Logan shot down this efficiently in years. Not since he ran into my cousin, actually. She threatened to castrate him, but this was even better. Refill?”

Finn stood behind her shoulder, with an evil grin, holding a champagne bottle and looking very pleased. She smiled, held her glass out, and looked back at Colin and Logan. The former was beginning to look rather frustrated, and the later… She was suddenly reminded of why she refused to go out with Tristin Dugrey back in high school, not even after he’d tempted her with those concert tickets. She’d learned quite a few lessons from Tristin then – all of them adding up to it not being a good idea to date Logan. Especially not after the fiasco with Dean… Her mind shied away from the thought. That was **not** the point of tonight’s little “exercise”.

“Finn? Do me a favor? Would you be a dear and ask Colin to come and talk to me?” She knew she looked begging on the verge of pathetic – what was referred to as her Bambi-eyes – but it worked. Finn nodded, obviously as aware as she that the situation was beginning to look ugly, and went over to the boys.

“My lady,” Colin greeted her.  
“So. I didn’t really expect this you know. Mind telling me why?”

“I’ll make you a deal. I’ll tell you after our first date, if you promise not to let Logan get to me with his sarcasms for the rest of the evening. Okay?”

They shared a smile, knowing that she had just answered his question in part, and instead started talking about their first date.

~*~*~*~

The next morning she paid the price of her indulgence twofold. First with a scull-splitting headache, then in the form of a **very** displeased Lorelai the second. The headache was appeased with pills, water and coffee; her mother with a detailed account of the swimsuit-show…

Returning to Yale had never felt as good as it did that Sunday. As she’d not wanted to run into Dean, Rory had been more or less confined to her mother’s house. Not even Luke’s was to be braved; instead Lane had stopped by after her shift with coffee and burgers for a thorough, much needed Dean-bashing. Here, however, she felt free to move around as she wished, without having to worry about running into the wrong people. Unless, of course, you counted her room-mate “wrong people”. The jury was still out on that one...

~*~*~*~

Come Wednesday Rory was pretty much back to her old, studious self and was starting to seriously doubt the merits of her drunken ideas. Did she really want to start dating again this soon? And did she want to do it this way? But, doubt or not, dating she would be. At least three times. In fact, her first date with Colin was that same evening, just minutes away, seeing as he’d been unwilling to wait until Saturday.

Neither of them had classes until after lunch the next day, which gave them the opportunity to sleep in if things ran late. Rory was counting on them to run late. This was, after all, Colin McCrae, member of the Life and Death Brigade and party-person. Oh, yeah, exactly the kind of boy her grandparents would love to see her with – and exactly the kind her mother **wouldn’t** …

Once again Rory debated backing out. After all, she’d been drunk when they agreed to this. What if she just hid out in her room, pretending she was sick? _I could have Paris open the door; he’ll be gone in no time at all… But, sooner or later I have to face the consequences of that as well. Plus, I **am** kind of hungry…_

And right on the heels of that thought came a knock on the door, signaling that her time was up. Rory stood up, took a deep breath and went to greet her escort.

~*~*~*~

“God, that might just have been **the** best dessert I’ve ever had! It’s right up there with Luke’s coffee! You know,” she said with a straight face, “when I die I totally expect that dessert to be served in Heaven.”

Colin just looked at her, smiling.  
“Does that mean I get a goodnight kiss if I give you this?” he asked, showing her a small carton with the name of the restaurant on the side.

“Is that…? Oh, give, give. Give! Oh, fine, sure. One box of dessert equals one kiss, even if you did resort to blackmail.”

Rory inched closer to Colin, snaked her arms around him and leaned in for the kiss. His lips were smooth, warm and tasted slightly of coffee and dessert. _My favorite taste in a man,_ Rory thought dreamily before she lost herself in the kiss. It was a **good** goodnight kiss, that was for sure. Afterwards they stayed close, holding each other, foreheads leaned together.

“So, Rory? You promised you’d tell me why you picked me for this thing.” Colin sounded a bit hesitant, unwilling to break the mood but unable not to ask. Rory smiled and gave a few moments thought to how to best phrase it. Finally she decided to go with simple honesty.

“When I first met you I thought you were a stuck-up, conceited brat who should be pushed off the edge of the world. Then I started seeing other sides to you, and slowly realized that while you may act like you have a stick shoved up your… behind… there seems to be a warm heart in there,” she said while resting her hand softly against his chest.

“Plus, no way did I want to make Logan’s ego expand further! He’s bad enough as it is, and to be quite frank: it’d be like dating Paris Hilton. No thank you very much. Also, I’ve never been one for blonds – I’ve always preferred brunettes.”

The last few words came out so quietly she hardly knew how he heard them, and was accompanied by a deep blush. Colin’s response was to hold her just a little bit closer, kiss her cheek and whisper a soft “thanks”. Then he kissed her again, and all thoughts of why, where and who else disappeared.

~*~*~*~

Thursday morning came way too soon for Rory’s taste. She and Colin had ended up in her dorm, watching “The Godfather” for the umpteenth time, sharing the carton of dessert, trading kisses and debating the merits of the different Godfather-movies. She had fallen into her bed around four, yet had awoken at nine unable to sleep further. Instead she opted for a long shower, an extra study session and loads of coffee.

On her way to the coffee cart Rory ran into someone. When apologizing she realized that it wasn’t just “someone”, it was actually someone she knew.

“Stephanie! Sorry about that. Nice to see you though, everything okay?”

The girl didn’t answer her; instead she just stood there and **looked** at Rory, from top to toe. Rory couldn’t help doing the same, as the other girl was quite spectacular. Hot pink jumper. Pink pants. A pair of sneakers in white and hot pink. There was something about the other girl that made Rory think about a predator, one of the large cats, ready to pounce at her prey any minute now. Something made her steal a glance at the blonde’s shoes. Yep, “Bagheera”. _How extraordinarily fitting…Hello, Pink Panther!_

Stephanie gave her one last hard look, snorted fierily and spun around. Before Rory could get her wits together to call out, stop her, ask what was wrong, the blond was gone. _Oh, well. Probably some LDB-thing,_ Rory thought to herself. _She looks real “pretty in pink” though…_ She smiled softly, knowing how proud her mom would be that Rory had managed to add not one, but two movie references to the blond girl in as many minutes. With that she once again moved towards the coffee, not thinking much about the incident.

~*~*~*~

“Rory?”

Colin’s voice was soft and a bit hesitant, yet he still managed to make her feet leave the floor and her books fly all over the corridor.

“God, Colin, make a noise next time! You almost gave me a heart attack, and then I wouldn’t bee much fun during our next date, would I? And honestly, if you want to back out there **are** easier ways.” She had only added the last part for a laugh, but his silence made her look closely at him. Something in his face, a shadow of sorts, told her that her words had come close – that they might even have hit bull’s-eye.

“Colin?”

“I’m so sorry, Rory. Could we… Could we do this inside, please? I brought coffee,” he added – clearly not believing she’ll let him off the hook that easily.

“Sure. No need to stay here when the couch is not only much more comfortable but also just a few feet away.”

She opened the door, gestured for him to sit down and went to deposit her things in her room before returning to sit beside him. She didn’t say anything though; since he came for her it was only right that he got to speak his piece.

“At the party… You said that we weren’t allowed to participate if we weren’t truly available, remember? Well, I might have been a little less than truthful then. See, ehm, before we left after our first year, you know, to go sailing? Well, Steph and I…”

_Aaaaaaaaah!_ A light bulb flashed in Rory’s head. _Colin and Gorilla Girl? No wonder she had her claws out then…_

“Well, we weren’t exactly a couple, but we were really close, and if it hadn’t been for that trip… When we came back we started it all over again, or so I thought, but then she told me only a few weeks ago that we weren’t, and I… I thought that it didn’t count as I really wasn’t going after her anymore.  
Anyway, apparently she found out about our date, even saw me kissing you goodnight, and got rather jealous. Sat outside my dorm when I came back from classes today, and things got pretty heated…  
She wants me back, Rory, and I think I might love her. You and I…”

“You and I had fun, Colin, even had some chemistry, but love? No. Not now, maybe never. So if you want to be with Stephanie and she wants to be with you? That’s great. I’m really happy for you, and no way would I try to stand in the way of that. We’ll just see it as starting a friendship, yeah?”

Colin looked so relieved she couldn’t help giggling. Judging from his face, and from how his body seemed to just **melt** with the absence of tension… Well, obviously Colin had imagined that she’d be extremely difficult about things. As if she would! If nothing else the whole thing with Dean had taught her that some feelings were best not denied. Others, well, that was something completely different.

“Just go see her, okay? Be with her. Tell her there’s no need for her to sharpen her claws on my account, and that I wish you well. You know what? Ask her if she’d consider joining me for a movie some evening? ‘Return of the Pink Panther’ I think,” she said with a smirk.

“Oh, okay.” Colin looked a bit confused, not that Rory blamed him. Stephanie might see the joke, but at the moment any form of subtlety was beyond Colin.

“Thanks. I really appreciate that you let me explain all this. I’ll give Steph your message.” Halfway through the door, he turned, obviously having forgotten something.

“Oh, by the way, I gave Finn your cell number. You don’t mind, do you? Thought it’d be a lot easier that way.”

“Mind? No, but, why?” And then it hit her. _Oh, no! Please, no, don’t tell me…_

“To plan your date, of course. He was the runner-up, after all.”

And with those words Colin left, without giving her as much as a moment to protest that it wasn’t necessary, that Finn didn’t need to take her out and that in fact she’d begun thinking that celibacy might be a good thing.


	3. Chapter 3

**The Replacement(s) or Enter the Understudy**

Rory sat, staring at the door Colin had just closed behind him, but not really seeing anything. She went over the events of the past 24 hours in her mind, again and again, picking them apart and focusing on details. She replayed all conversations she’d had with Colin, tried to analyze them, tried to find falsehood in their words. Watched them kiss on her inner movie-screen, and tried to tell herself that all those feelings were just something to be written off as “being caught up in the moment”.

She failed miserably.

Yes, she wasn’t about to stop Colin from going back to Stephanie, seeing as that was what he wanted. She’d seen first-hand how bad things could end when who you wanted and who you were with didn’t add up. Dean was just the latest example. He’d married Lindsay, still in love with her, Rory, and look where that had gotten him. She on her part had messed up pretty good with Dean and Jess…

But, the fact that she wasn’t going to stand in the way of Colin and Stephanie didn’t mean that she didn’t **want** to. She’d enjoyed her time with Colin, and even though she’d been truthful about it not being love now the “maybe never”-part had been a lie. Rory was actually rather certain that given half a chance she’d have fallen in love with Colin McCrae very easily.

Going over everything in detail had told her something interesting: even though she’d proclaimed the dating-contest to be only for fun she had picked the one person she’d seen as capable of getting serious. How ironic that she’d been right – only to have him serious about someone else.

So, here she was, feeling like she was even worse off than she’d been before. Not only had her boyfriend dumped her, but she’d been given a taste of something potentially great only to have it snatched from her, and now she was stuck with Finn! Rory knew that there were lots of girls who’d happily take her place, and who’d cart her off to a mental institution for describing dating Finn as “being stuck with” him, but that was how she felt. She’d wanted to have her dates with Colin and Finn had only been the runner-up – the next best thing.

It all reminded her of the disastrous Shakespeare play in her second year at Chilton, where she’d played Juliet. First Tristin was to play Romeo, but he’d pulled a stupid prank leading to his immediate transfer. So then she’d thought that his understudy would step up. But the poor kid, Brad, had transferred too – since Paris scared the living daylights out off him. In the end Paris had played Romeo… It had felt not like a tale of “Juliet and her Romeo” but one of “Juliet plus one”. This was beginning to give her the same feeling. Luckily things were bound to stay a little more controlled now – otherwise she’d end up on a date with Logan! _I’d rather kiss Paris again,_ Rory thought to herself with a smile.

_I wonder if I could talk Finn into skipping this? Nah, he’s too much of a five year old for that. And I did pick him because I thought at least he wouldn’t bore me. I guess I get to find out if I was right. After all, I wanted to back out when it was Colin too, and that worked out great…_ But that thought wasn’t as comforting as she’d like – it only served to remember her exactly why **Finn** was going to call her.

_Shut up, Gilmore, you only have yourself to blame for all this,_ her inner Paris growled, making her cringe. Yeah, she did. It had all been her idea, and if she’d just kept her mouth shut she wouldn’t be in this predicament right now. _But it was so fun,_ she thought, only whining a little.

Thankfully her cell started ringing before she could sink any deeper into self-pity.

“Hello, love. Having an interesting day?” _Way with the understatements, Finn._

“Kind of, yes. And you?”

“Oh, not so much. Only one thing of importance happened all week: a friend called and told me I’d be able to take the loveliest creature at Yale out on a couple of dates.”

“Living by ‘flattery will get you everywhere’, are we?” The sarcasm in Rory’s voice was very obvious; she wasn’t much for untrue compliments, and being described as “the loveliest creature” in any place felt very untrue to her.

Finn noticed, and wisely enough retreated slightly.

“Sorry, force of habit I guess. But you are a very lovely lady, I assure you. I have it from the most reliable sources.” _Colin, maybe? But then, not as lovely as Stephanie, am I?_ Rory quickly abandoned that train of thought – she knew it would get her nowhere but down.

“So, love, I was meaning to ask you. This thing with the three dates. Do I get all three or just the two that Colin didn’t use?”

_Ooooo! A way out!!! No, wait, I can’t be like that. That’d be mean. Plus, then I’d be no better than certain others…_

“How about we settle for two now, and then see if we need a third? I think that’d be a good compromise, don’t you agree?”

“Perfect, love, perfect. Now, about Saturday. I have something special planned, which will take the entire day. I’ll pick you up at your dorm at eight, dress casual – you’ll get the chance to go back and change before dinner, okay?”

“Eight? In the morning? Do you even know that there **is** an eight in the morning?” _Ooops. Maybe a little less edge?_

“Yes, love, I do.” Finn didn’t seem to mind her sharpness, instead he just chuckled.  
“Just because I don’t like mornings doesn’t necessary mean that I never see them – I just rather not, unless given a good enough reason. Like seeing you.”

“Oh, Finn! You flatterer! Well, eight at Saturday it is then. See you then. Bye, Finn.”

“Bye, love.”

~*~*~*~

“Moooooooooooooom!” Rory whined at her cell-phone, not happy to be leaving a message instead of actually talking to her mother.

“I’m so confused, my date with Colin was great, but a pink panther stole him and now I have to date Finn instead. Call me!”

Weird, yes, she knew, but a message like that would ensure that Lorelai would call back at the earliest possible time – maybe even earlier. And sure enough, five minutes later she had her mother live on the phone, demanding details.

Lorelai gushed over Rory’s description of her date with Colin, hissed when told about Stephanie’s return (yet at the same time laughing at the picture presented by her daughter) and audibly shook her head about the Finn-dilemma. Her only advice was to take things as they came and have fun (“Safe fun, though, mini-me”). Then Lorelai proceeded with some rather disturbing news.

“Oh, and Rory? You didn’t hear this from me, but you’re not the only one with a ‘replacement’ date this weekend. Your grandmother? She’s decided that it’s time for her to start dating, and is going out with some man from the club…”

“What? Wow. Do you think this means her and grandpa are getting a divorce?”

“I’m not sure. I never thought it’d go this far, to be honest. I mean, so my parents drive me crazy, but they’re **my parents**. I think I’m a little too old to get a ‘new dad’ actually, but it depends; he might buy me a new car as a bribe. I could live with that.”

“God, mom! Stop talking now, please. Plus, I need to go. See you tomorrow, love you.”

“Okay. Love you, kid.”

~*~*~*~

Saturday morning came all too early, especially since Rory hadn’t fallen asleep until two in the morning. Friday night dinner had been awkward, knowing about her grandmother’s plans, and when she’d returned to her dorm the place hadn’t exactly been quiet. Getting up in time had been a pain. Still, when Finn knocked on the door she was ready, albeit with only seconds to spare.

“Rory! Why the hell am I being woken up by your date?” Paris yelled, causing Rory to wince.

“I don’t know. Maybe for the same reason that I couldn’t fall asleep last night because of your sex-life?” Rory shot back, not bothering to hide her annoyance.

Finn’s amused smile and Paris’ explosive blush both made her feel a little better, and without waiting for another reaction she left.

“So. Room-mate trouble?”

“Sort of. Paris has a new ‘boyfriend’, for lack of a cleaner term, and they were at it when I came home yesterday. They are so much alike, both of them demanding respect and consideration from others while sucking at giving it. I like Paris; I really do, even if it probably means I’m ready for a mental asylum, but… Sometimes I wish she’d gotten accepted to Harvard so that I could have a normal room-mate.”

“Harvard refused her?” Finn looked interested, so Rory told him the whole story – complete with a detailed description of Paris’ public meltdown upon finding out. It made them both laugh, and gave them a better start of their “date day”.

~*~*~*~

Finn had really hit the mark, Rory thought when she returned to her dorm for a shower and a change of outfits. He had gotten them a private lesson from a man who specialized in training baristas. _A whole day to learn about coffee! Mom’s going to be so jealous!_

Thankfully Paris was nowhere to be seen – _She’s probably with Doyle_ – and Rory spent the hour until Finn knocked on her door again daydreaming about all that coffee while getting ready.

“So, where are we heading?”

“Oh, I thought that since we spent the day as we did there’s this Italian restaurant, where they serve amazing espressos, that’d be just perfect. Now, they won’t let you make your own espresso, not even after today’s lessons, but still.”

“It’s okay; I’m all coffee’d out, I think. On the ‘making of’-front that is, not drinking it. See, that’s how you know if a Gilmore Girl is seriously ill; she refuses coffee and eats vegetables.”

She smiled, thinking again on her mother and how Lorelai would react upon finding out what Finn had had up his sleeve. Finn joined in with a smile of his own, and placed his hand on the small of her back to guide her. The gesture felt a little too intimate for Rory, but then again: this was **Finn** , the guy who called her love. Also, the presence of his hand sent thrills through her body – a slightly unnerving yet nice feeling.

Dinner was great. Not only was she presented with an enormous selection of pastas, finally ending with a lovely dish containing chicken, bell peppers and Gorgonzola; but there was also an amazing tiramisu and an equally amazing espresso. The fact that conversation had been easy – Finn’s knowledge of movies was impressive and his taste in music close enough to her own to give them lots of common ground – made her smile constantly and the fact that Finn had kept his alcohol intake to a minimum – a glass of red wine each - had eased her greatest worry about him.

They had talked about their next date, or rather: Finn had told her he had everything planned for the coming weekend. The only details he’d given her was that she needed to pack, for a multitude of occasions, and that they would need to leave Friday evening. No matter how much she pushed he refused to say more, not even when faced with her best Bambi-eyes.

Outside her dorm Finn stopped, and looked suddenly serious before asking her if she’d enjoyed herself.

“Yes, enormously. You know, I almost didn’t go, but I’m really glad I did. Today’s been great Finn,” she said with a smile that suddenly turned into a yawn.

“Oops, sorry. It’s not the company; it’s the fact that I only got five hours of sleep. I’ve enjoyed it all, but I guess even the magic of coffee can only pull off so much.”

“Then I’ll let you go get some sleep. I hope your room-mate’s not… busy,” Finn said with a smirk and a heightened eyebrow.

Rory laughed quietly and shook her head, thinking to herself that Paris’ earlier embarrassment probably meant she’d not see Doyle again that week. Not if she was lucky at least. She was so caught up in her thoughts that she missed Finn moving closer, until she felt his lips press against hers. Again she felt a jolt going through her body at his touch, an electric current flowing from where his skin touched hers and through her entire being. _Wow…_ The feeling lessened after only seconds, as he broke contact, and Rory was uncertain what to feel. She wasn’t sure what she felt about Finn, and here she was, feeling empty because he didn’t do more than kiss her goodnight. How messed-up was she, really?

“Goodnight, love. I’ll call you. Sleep well.”

He stayed as she opened her door and said goodnight, and didn’t leave until she had closed and locked the door behind her. A bit crazy he might be, but he did know how to be a gentleman when he so wished.

While getting ready for bed Rory pondered her earlier reaction. Just four days earlier she’d been on a great date with Colin, leaving her wanting more and well on her way to fall for him. Two days earlier she’d been sad, had in fact almost mourned, when their relationship had been nipped in the bud, and had not wanted to go out with Finn at all. And now? Now her body was filled with the memory of tingles, tingles caused by Finn’s hand and Finn’s lips. However, she didn’t feel the same connection as she’d felt when spending time with Colin.

She was beyond confused, but firmly pushed all thoughts of handsome brunette boys away. That could be dealt with tomorrow – right now she needed sleep more than anything. But as she drifted into dreams memories of both goodnight kisses followed her…


	4. Chapter 4

**New York Minute**

The following week was both uneventful and not. It was one of those unique weeks where she had no tests, no crazy made-up emergences from her mother, no whining from Doyle about articles, no weird moments with Marty due to his dislike of Finn and the others…

At the same time… First Paris had apparently decided to avoid further confrontation by avoiding Rory. Not that she was complaining. No Paris meant, at least for now, no Doyle – or rather: no Paris and Doyle having loud sex **way** too loud and too close to Rory’s bed. This in extension meant no disturbed nights. Or, it **should** mean that, but it didn’t.

Because, disturbingly enough Rory’s nights were full with weird dreams about being kissed by alternately Finn and Colin. One particularly crazy dream had Finn kissing her in a glass cage, a yelling, jealous Colin trying to beat his way in and a pink Stephanie-panther sharpening her claws on Dean while flicking her tail and hissing at Rory. She didn’t even try to decipher that one – trying was sure to only worsen the headache she already had.

Then there had been a phone call from Emily, excusing her from Friday night dinner in order to go away for the weekend. Although Rory had been more than happy about it, she’d also been confused. Yes, in order for her to leave with Finn as he’d planned she needed to get out of dinner, but she’d been hard pressed to find an acceptable excuse. Had she called and asked to be excused because of a date Emily would happily have let her off the hook, at least as it was a date with Finn, but that would have meant getting Emily involved. Obviously Finn had taken care of it –as it turned out Emily believed that Rory would be going away with Stephanie.

~*~*~*~

By five o’clock Friday afternoon Rory was about to start climbing the walls of her dorm room. Finn had said to be ready at quarter to five, and now not only was he fifteen minutes late but also his cell phone was off. She didn’t know whether to be worried or furious – both were equally easy. _I wouldn’t be too surprised if he “just stopped by” the pub on his way here and then decided to stay and get drunk instead. Or what if something happened; he could have had an accident… Or… Gah! Guys. Why do I even care?_

She would have loved to break something, or try and call again, or maybe both. Instead she walked out to the fridge and poured herself a glass of orange juice, debating whether to spike it or not. When Paris chose that exact moment to walk through the door Rory suddenly felt herself reaching for the hidden bottle of vodka without even thinking. _So not what I need right now…_

“Gilmore. Look, I… This isn’t easy for me. So please don’t say anything yet. I know I’ve been avoiding you, it’s just… I needed time to process. Doyle and I, we didn’t mean to disturb you. I realize that it was wrong of us, especially since I was so hard on you and that idiot Dean. I just… When I was with Asher I had to hide everything, and now that I didn’t, well, I just kind of lost it. I’m sorry, and it won’t happen again. Also, I will try and be nicer to any boys that come by for you. I’d say ‘I **will** be nicer’, but we both know that might be promising a little too much when it comes to me. But I’ll try. Hard.”

Rory smiled, feeling the need for vodka evaporate and stepped forward to hug the other girl, who uncharacteristically enough hugged back. They stood like that for a while, until Paris’ normal demeanor asserted itself. At the same time someone knocked enthusiastically at the door. “And that would be your chance to be nice, I hope,” Rory said with a shadowed smile.

She wasn’t too sure if she really wanted to see Finn right then, seeing as he was now close to half an hour late, even though there was a small flock of butterflies in her stomach at the thought of being with him again. Paris seemed to read her right, and without comment went to open the door. It was Finn, all right, a Finn burdened down with sunflowers, a bag with baked gods and a Thermos of coffee.

“Finn? How did you know I like sunflowers?”

“Oh, a little bird whispered in my ear,” he said with a smile. Rory felt her eyebrows shoot up, and saw Finn’s smile turn a little more teasing.

“Okay, I called your mom. Sorry I’m late, but there was a rather nasty car crash blocking the road here. Do say you’ll forgive me?”

“Well, ten minutes is mandatory, seeing as I’m a Gilmore Girl. And the rest I’ll forgive if that coffee is for me? Yes? Great. I’m guessing I get to enjoy it in the car? Well then, give the flowers to Paris will you, and then you get to carry my bag, and we’re off.”

“Paris, you’ll be okay? Seeing as my important Monday lecture got canceled I’ll probably go see my mom, and be back until Monday evening or Tuesday morning, but I’ll call you, alright? Have fun, and ‘enjoy’,” she added with air quotes and a wicked smile.

~*~*~*~

Road-tripping with Finn was fun. He had the glove compartment stuffed with music – all albums she could approve off, which made her wonder if he’d done some “cleansing” after their debate about music earlier – and held up his end of the conversation easily. He did, how ever, refuse to tell her where they were going and what they would be doing, but that didn’t bother Rory too much. She had a pretty good guess about “where” and trusted Finn enough to believe that “what” would be fun.

Sure enough, shortly before eight in the evening Finn drove into New York. They had reservations at a very nice hotel – in a suite, none the less. Rory looked around, tested the mattress and gawked at the view from her window. _This is amazing! Oh yeah, no matter what he has planned for this weekend I’m happy just being here._

They had dinner reservations at nine, at a well-known but not too fashionable restaurant close to their hotel where the food was good, the possibility of spotting a celebrity better and the pie excellent. The coffee, however, was close to undrinkable. Finn apologized the whole way back to the hotel, but Rory just laughed it away. So, coffee was important to her, sure, but Finn had taken her to New York and obviously had the whole weekend planned out – only for her – so what was one cup of lousy coffee compared to that?

Not that she would admit saying something like that to either her mom or Luke, or even Paris, but at the moment that was how she felt. Also, Finn was ahead in the coffee department after their previous date.

~*~*~*~

Twenty-four hours later Rory was ready to forgive Finn a small **sea** of bad coffee. The day had been perfect. They had gotten up early – Rory was again shocked to see that Finn was in fact capable of getting up before noon – and spent two hours at the set of a popular TV-series. Then they had proceeded to Battery Park, where they had looked, eaten, strolled and just amused themselves before ending with a shopping spree in a few Stephanie-recommended shops.

Normally Rory wouldn’t have had the money for that, but seeing as they thought that she was to be shopping with Stephanie her grandparents had given her a rather extravagant sum of money to spend. Privately Rory admitted that it probably had a lot to do with the fact that Stephanie was society, and thus a broke Rory would look bad, and maybe a little with the fact that her grandparents were the reason for Rory needing a “cheering up trip” – as they had plotted to break her and Dean up. Still, being able to shop for clothes without looking **too** much at the price tags was fun.

Afterwards they had returned to the hotel and spent some time in the spa, enjoying the Jacuzzi, the sauna and the masseuses before taking a nap. Rory had felt a little ridiculous doing so, but Finn had convinced by saying that she’d be happy to see her bed again before three in the morning.

Well rested, primped, primed and eager for some fun – and **food** – she’d been escorted by Finn to a famous restaurant where they had indulged in a complete food orgy before moving on to a club. The band playing had sounded vaguely familiar, and not in a positive way, but Finn had assured her that they were not there for the main act. The opening act, however, was something Finn wanted to hear, and thought she too would appreciate. He’d been right.

Mando Diao was the kind of rocky, retro-ish band that she could have enjoyed with Lane. In fact, she made a note to get two copies of their album, just in case Lane didn’t have it. That would have to wait until after the show though, as during it she was too busy dancing and being happy with Finn.

When the band cleared the stage for the main act Rory and Finn left. Finn had another place in mind, a small nightclub where he assured Rory there would be much better music for dancing. Also, he added, the drinks were great. Although she didn’t normally drink much Rory decided to live a little dangerously and try on Finn’s way of life for a night. How bad could it be, really?

Several hours, and countless drinks later, they stumbled into the hotel suite, drenched with sweat and deliriously happy – only partly due to the alcohol. While Rory opted for a quick wash and a change of clothes Finn raided the mini-bar.

“Finn! Are you serious? Do you really think either of us need any more to drink now?”

“Yes, we do. We forgot to toast!”

Finn’s face was lit up from his smile, and she found herself falling for his enthusiasm. _One more drink can’t hurt, can it?_

“Fine then. What do you have to offer?”

“To toast you, and the fact that I have had the privilege of your company for this weekend? Nothing less than champagne will do!” he exclaimed, and brandished a small bottle of the liquid in question.

Rory smiled, nodded and accepted the glass he poured for her. Then she awaited his toast.

“To Rory Gilmore, a woman of impeccable taste and many talents; to an amazing weekend and to the hope of it ending with you in my bed!”

~*~*~*~

Rory wanted to destroy her cell. How **dare** it make such hideous noises so early? Unfortunately, throwing it into the wall would mean having to replace it – not on the top of her list of things she wanted to spend money on. Plus, she was pretty sure that it was her mother calling, which meant that if she didn’t answer she’d make her mom worried and have to pay for it later. So she got out of bed, found her phone and answered.

“This better be good, or I’ll kill your coffee machine.”

“Ouch! Daughter mine, what have I done to deserve such a threat? Tired? Hung over? Boy in your bed?”

“Yes, a bit and no. Just, we were out late last night and I really didn’t want to wake up yet. My wakeup call wasn’t supposed to come until in thirty minutes, meaning you robbed me of half an hour’s worth of sleep. So, I say again: this better be good…” Rory’s voice trailed off, on a menacing note. She could hear her mother swallow quickly, could almost hear her think, and realized that she had just managed to make her mother react the same way she did when **her** mother called. _Wow, did I just turn into Emily?_

“Come on mom; stop trying to find a good excuse. Just tell me.”

“Okay, okay. Well, I was wondering… You said you might stop by, and I missed you, and Luke just told me he wanted to have a like, family dinner tonight… So…”

“And so you couldn’t wait for me to call you? You knew I’d call you today, around noon. Oh, no point in bitching over lost sleep. Yes, I’ll be coming to Stars Hollow later today. Depending on how I do the actual getting there I’ll be home around three or four. Alright? Now, let me crawl back into bed and just rest for a little while. I’ll call you about thirty minutes before I arrive. Bye mom.”

And she hung up without giving her mom the least bit of an opportunity to protest, start a rant or just be herself. She then returned to the nice, warm bed she’d left to answer.

“Who was that, love?”

“Just my mom, being her usual crazy self.”

“Oh. So what was it with the ‘yes, a bit and no’ routine? Anything interesting?”

“I guess you could say that. She asked me if I was tired and hung-over, and if I had a boy in my bed.”

“So you lied to your mom? I’m impressed. I seem to be rubbing off on you.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, Finn. One, I’ve lied to my mom before. If and when I’ve deemed it necessary. It’s not often, that I admit, but it’s happened. And two, I **don’t** have a boy in my bed. We’re in your bed, remember? Now, I’m going to rest a little longer so why don't you shut up and do the same?”

With that comment Roy closed her eyes and felt Finn’s arms snake around her and draw her closer. Warm and content she drifted into a state of half-sleep until their wakeup call came. Reluctantly she left the bed, wanting to stay there for a while longer but feeling the need for a long hot shower. When realizing Finn smiled big.

“Feel like company?”

“No thanks. I think I’ll manage on my own. However, if I magically change my mind I’ll be sure to holler.”

“Oh, love. You seem quite determined to ruin all my fun.”

“Yep, that’s me. Gotta remember to put that on my resume; ‘Rory Gilmore: Destroyer of all Finn-fun’. Now, start packing. I want you done by the time I get out of the shower.”

“So eager to leave? And here I thought you’d been having a good time, love. I’m crushed.”  
She turned around, ready to deliver a witty and mean comeback when she noticed a hint of seriousness in his eyes. Could it be that Finn cared, just a bit? _Well, it is possible, I guess. Especially after last night…_ So she opted for honesty instead of banter.

“I’ve had a great time, Finn, and you know it. It’s just that I’ve decided to go home for a day or so before returning to Yale. I haven’t been spending as much time there and with my mom as I’d like to lately, so yes, I’m eager to leave. If only for that reason.” And with that she once again started towards the bathroom.

“Feel like company?”

“Finn! I’ve told you… Oh,” she said, noticing the expression on his face. “Did you mean ‘company’ as in ‘you coming with me to Stars Hollow’-company? Wow. That was so not expected.”

“Well, I realize I may not have passed your tests yet, seeing as we’ve only had two dates, but I have to say I’m rather curious, and… Well, I could always make sure to fix that part of our deal that states I’m to help you get back at your ex. Then, even if this ends here, you have at least done that.”

Rory thought about it. Did she still want to hurt Dean like he hurt her? She wasn’t really sure anymore, but thought so. She decided to think it through during her shower, _God, with all I have to think about it will be one loooong shower,_ and told Finn so. They could talk more about it over brunch.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter introduces a slight change from canon. It will be explained more in later chapters, but for now please, just go with it.

**Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?**

While the hot water pored over her Rory tried to sort through her thoughts. But it seemed impossible. First there was Finn and whether or not he’d be allowed to go with her to Stars Hollow. Then there was the possible “getting-back-at-Dean”. Then there was Finn himself, and the chemistry between them, and then the events of last night… Also, there was…

Rory forcibly shook her head, trying to evict certain thoughts from her head, not above resorting to violence if needed. Obviously there were simply too many thoughts running through her head at the moment. So, instead of trying to sort out everything at once she tried another way. Dean. Thinking about Dean, and only Dean.

_Do I really want to hurt him? Does he deserve it? Yes, he broke up with me, but that’s allowed, isn’t it? And it’s not like I’m completely innocent here, I’ve certainly made my share of mistakes..._  
While Dean had worked a lot, making it hard for the two to see each other, so had she. There had been Yale, the newspaper, her mom and grandparents, and just a week before he broke up with her she’d blown him off to go away with the LDB. So he’d broken up with her twice before, but the first time it was because she couldn’t give him what he needed, and the second time was because of Jess and because she hadn’t had the guts to do it herself. Even though Dean had been the married one, she’d known about Lindsay, and still she’d almost kissed him at the inn, and slept with him…

But there her mind refused to cooperate anymore. Sure, she’d known that Dean was married, but he had messed with that knowledge. He’d been as guilty as she when it came to their almost-kiss. And when she’d left, on the surface to get music but in reality to distance herself from Dean and that potential catastrophe, he’d followed her home – knowing fully well that she’d be alone in the crap-shack. He had told her his marriage was over.  
She had asked about Lindsay and Dean had told her that it was over, that he was moving out and he and Lindsay were getting a divorce. He had shown her his hand, the one that most notably **hadn’t** been sporting a wedding-band. He’d silenced all her remaining questions then, with kisses, and she’d been so happy to feel loved and needed…

Then, she’d crashed, of course, finding out that Lindsay had no idea her marriage was supposedly over. And so she’d left, giving Dean the time and space to deal with his marriage – to think about what he wanted. She’d written him, after much agony and internal debate, a letter that had ultimately led to the break-up Dean himself had not initiated. And then Dean had accused her. Had told her that he broke his marriage because of her, only to have her run off. Had insinuated that Rory had led him on, had promised him lots of things and then failed to deliver.

That had hurt, like just about everything else that time around with Dean, but she’d already blamed herself so much and thus hadn’t protested. She’d just left, and gone back to licking her wounds. And then, like the stupid little idiot she seemed hell-bent on proving herself as when it came to Dean, she’d come back begging. Something Dean almost seemed to have been waiting for. She should have stayed away, but she didn’t. Maybe because she was just glutton for punishment. Maybe because she couldn’t bear to feel that everything had been in vain. And maybe because she was afraid to go back to the lonely girl she had been the year before…

But no matter what her reasons had been, for going back to Dean and for falling back in love with him in the beginning, the main point was that if Dean hadn’t lied to her things would have ended differently. If he hadn’t said that he was getting divorced she wouldn’t have slept with him, not then, and that would have sent their entire relationship down a completely different path. If it hadn’t ended it before it even really started, that was. So Dean had been wrong to blame her for it all, wrong not to want to admit to his own wrongdoings, and so wrong to have lied to her. And that was only the beginning.

_Okay, so I’ve finally realized that maybe I’ve been taking too much of the blame, and that Dean acted wrongly. But does that make it right to hurt him? I’m not so sure…_ Rory’s thoughts trailed away, and then stopped at the memory of Dean breaking up with her.  
 _He could have done it better. He could have asked the boys to leave, or me to walk away with him. He could have asked me to sit with him in the car. He could have done a thousand things besides breaking up with me in front of an audience, and then just leaving me there. He could have acted like he **cared**. Oh, yeah, I’m starting to think that Finn should be allowed to do his best. Or should that be “his worst”?_

Having reached that conclusion Rory debated taking the time to think about the rest of her very confusing life. However she wanted to be able to leave for Stars Hollow before long, and actually trying to deal with her life would make that impossible. Instead she turned the water off, and started to get ready.

~*~*~*~

As a sign told Rory and Finn they were welcome to Stars Hollow Rory once more debated the wisdom of this. Finn had been ecstatic when she’d agreed, and had spent their brunch as well as the first hour of driving coming up with crazier and crazier ideas for how to hurt Dean. He hadn’t taken it that well when Rory had finally put a stop to it all by telling him that he wasn’t to be too bad, and that all that was probably needed was making sure Dean saw them together and found out about the weekend they had just spent together. Rory wasn’t normally the kind of person who enjoyed hurting others, not even if they deserved it, and she had loved Dean…

But, she knew that the fact that she had moved on would hurt him, and that her moving on to someone like Finn who could give her just about everything would be excruciatingly painful. _The fact that Dean would kill for a car like this will help too,_ Rory thought with a wry smile. _Just… Oh, Finn, please play it cool…_

And there, finally, it was. The crap-shack, complete with Jeep in the driveway and everything. As they came to a stop the door flew up and Lorelai came running out. She came to an abrupt halt though, seeing Finn’s car, and Rory realized it was time to fess up.

“Finn?”

“Yes, love?”

“You know how this wasn’t planned? Well, mom didn’t know you’d be coming with me, and she definitely doesn’t know about the ‘getting back at people’ part of our little arrangement. So… Just let me talk to her first, and don’t say anything about Dean or my grandparents. Okay? Oh, and call her Lorelai.”

With that she got out of the car, walked over to her mom with a part true, part faked smile plastered on her face.

“Hi, mom. Guess who’s coming to dinner?”

“Well, not Sidney Poitier I presume. It wouldn’t be Finn, would it?”

“Yeah, well, he got curious, plus, he didn’t think it was right to have me take a bus or something…”

“Have you told Luke? No? Alright, why don’t we get over to the diner and tell him? It’d make a perfect excuse for picking up some coffee as well…” Rory laughed. Trust Lorelai to take things that well.

“Okay, but I call shotgun!” And with that she ran back to the car and jumped back in.

“Did she take it that badly, love? I thought you said your mom was cool?”

“Oh, she is. I called shotgun, that’s all. We’re going to Luke’s for coffee.”

Any reply Finn might have been contemplating was interrupted by Lorelai opening the back-door, sulking and complaining. And as soon as she stopped doing that she instead put him through a questioning worthy of both the elder Gilmores – working together – leaving Finn with no room for anything but answers and snatched breaths of air.  
When the trio sat down at the counter at Luke’s and the Gilmore Girls started ordering coffee Finn finally got more than two consecutive seconds of breathing, returning his facial color to a healthy one from the bluish one he’d been sporting during Lorelai’s onset. To herself Rory thought that Finn seemed to have met his superior, and that if things ( _A **lot** of things, that is_ ) had been different the two of them might have made an interesting couple.

Finn’s respite wasn’t long though, since only minutes later Miss Patty entered the diner and immediately spotted the trio. She smoothed down her clothes, fluffed her hair and made her way over.

“Rory, darling! Who is this fine specimen of a man sitting next to you?”

This was it. Now, how to make the best impact? Should she say something, or just leave it up to Finn? Then it hit her. Something she and her mom had talked about years ago: the safest way to keep a secret when Patty was around. Why shouldn’t she be able to use that to do just the opposite?

“Miss Patty! This,” and Rory did her best to act like her sixteen year old self, “is Finn. He’s… a **very dear friend** from Yale.” _Please, Finn, just get the hint and run with it. Please…_

And all gods be thanked, he did. Finn stood up, bowed, kissed Miss Patty’s hand and gushed over her. _Huh, he’s **real** smart when he’s sober. Wouldn’t Paris have a fit knowing?_ But then it came, the trick question.  
“So why haven’t we seen you around here before?”

“Well, as you might know, until recently there was the small matter of Rory’s boyfriend, who unfortunately had a problem with Rory having any male friends. And as the last thing I would want was causing Rory trouble…” _Oh, yeah, he’s doing good. **Real** good._

“I see.” Rory could almost see the wheels turning in Miss Patty’s head. “Well, that’s not an issue anymore, now, is it?”

“No, not that I understand him. I mean, I was there, I saw and heard the whole thing and I hardly believe it. But, as they say, his loss – **someone else’s** gain.” The slight stress Finn put on his words was just exactly right for Miss Patty to take it as a hint that Finn himself expected that “someone else” to be him. And she did. The smile on her face rivaled that of the cat that just got locked into the creamery and boded well – for Rory and her plans, that was. For Dean… Not so much.

“Now, Rory, not that I’m complaining or anything, but what are you doing here? On a Sunday? Shouldn’t you be back at Yale for classes tomorrow?”

“I have tomorrow off, no lectures or such, only things I can work on wherever. So I decided to drop by here, you know, let Finn see Stars Hollow, try Luke’s coffee…”

Finn leaned over, and whispered in Miss Patty’s ear, in hushed conspiratorial tones: “Don’t tell, but we’re on our way back from a weekend in New York, some serious Rory-cheering-up, and I just had to see this lovely place Rory keeps talking about. I positively groveled!”

Then in a normal voice he declared that the coffee was just as good as Rory had said, but wasn’t it about time for the tour she’d promised? Rory smiled, happy to have an excuse to, and together they made their way out. Just a few minutes later Lorelai came after them, frantic.

“Mini-me! Are you out off your mind? Do you not realize that the little performance the two of you had in there is certain to set Miss Patty off major? She’ll have this story all over town in an hour! It might even get back to your grandparents!!!”

Rory sighed. It was obvious that her mother was heading into a full-blown rant, one that might lead anywhere, and wasn’t to be stopped. However, she **had** to be stopped. Not only was there the possibility that she could say something less than nice about Finn based solely on the fact that he was society, something he didn’t deserve – there was also the possibility that she’d let something about Dean slip, or rather: something about Dean having been married when he and Rory got together the last time. So how to stop her? A “please” was out of the question. “Shut up and listen” might help, but Rory wasn’t too confident. So she settled for the rudest way she could bring herself to say it.

“First of all, I’m sorry mom, but I don’t give a flying fuck about the grandparents right now. And second, as for Miss Patty spreading the news about Finn: I’m counting on it.”

It took a little while, but soon Lorelai understood. She looked at Rory’s and Finn’s faces, sporting identical smirks, and smiled almost against her will. “ So this is to get back at Dean? Rory, fruit of my loins, I never would have thought…”

“Mom. Dean acted like an ass, okay. If the idea of me dating one of those Yale-boys he was so pathetically jealous of causes him some pain, so be it. I gotta admit it’s kind of appealing. But that’s as far as I’m willing to go, get it?”

~*~*~*~

Several hours later Rory and Lorelai waved madly as Finn pulled out of their driveway. Both Gilmore Girls had offered him to stay the night, but Finn had declined due to a lecture the following morning – one that not even he felt it prudent to miss.

The day had been great. So maybe it hadn’t been up to the standard of their New York-weekend, but in its own way it had been just as great. Rory had shown Finn all of her favorite places in Stars Hollow, and all the ones where she had a really good story to tell. They had dropped off the Mando Diao album at Lane’s, causing Lane to explode with joy and giving Rory an opportunity to have the two meet, and sat through a part of band practice. Finn was duly impressed, and was enthusiastically debating the merits of having Hep Alien play at some or other party.

Dinner had exceeded expectations, meaning that Luke hadn’t been grumpy or suspicious towards Finn. The food, as always, had been better than anything she’d eaten in weeks – including at the fancy restaurants Finn and Colin had taken her to. Finn was amazed, and even more so when told about Sookie’s food. He had had a hard time believing that the Gilmore Girls knew another chef of the same quality, and so it had immediately been decided that Finn should come have lunch at the inn someday soon, and see for himself.

Also, to top the day off, like a cherry on top off the ice cream, there had been a run-in with Dean. It had been perfect, as if planned – only better. Rory and Finn had been standing in front of the gazebo, Rory enthusiastically explaining the concept of bid-a-basket and how she and Lorelai had used it to get rid of inedible food and get things fixed around the house, and laughing together when Dean had walked by them, looking like a storm cloud. Rory had no idea how long he’d been watching them, but knew that they’d probably looked like a couple as Finn’s arm was comfortably thrown around her waist and her head leaned slightly against his shoulder. Oh yeah, it’d been a great day.

“Honey?” Lorelai’s voice was a little uncertain, making Rory nervous. Was this when her mother told her that she didn’t approve of Finn, or Rory’s relation to him, nor of Rory’s desire to get back at Dean?

“Ehm, you know that Thanksgiving is coming up?”

“Yeah? Don’t tell me you and Luke canceled your plans on a real dinner here, and a Thanksgiving where we only attend one dinner?”

Rory was upset on the brink of scared. She wanted to try a normal Thanksgiving, plus, if Luke and Lorelai canceled their plans, less than two weeks in advance… Then there had to be something wrong.

“No, not that. It’s just, Luke told me yesterday, and we were going to tell you today, but then Finn, and now that he’s gone…” Lorelai stopped her rant. “Sorry. See, Liz and T.J. were invited as well, and… Well…” _Is she about to say what I think?_ “…Liz asked if Jess could come, and Luke said yes. Then he realized that you maybe would like, and… Oh, say something!”

“It’s okay, mom. I mean, it’s supposed to be a real family-thing, and Jess is family. Luke’s, that is. I’ll be fine. Now, do I remember right and there’s more coffee and pie inside?” 

_Great. Wasn’t my life complicated enough as it was? The screw-up with Dean. Colin. Finn… And now Jess added to the mix? I so need that pie. And some time to figure out what to do next. I haven’t seen or heard from Jess since he showed up at Yale… I wonder if he still feels the same way about me. I wonder what would have happened if I’d said “yes” instead. At least then I wouldn’t have messed up so badly with Dean. Should I have gone with Jess? Would I be happier now if I had gone with Jess? What if he asks me again? Should I…_


	6. Chapter 6

**Invasion of the Body Snatchers**

“Do you **have to** leave? You promised you’d stay until tomorrow…”

Rory sighed, knowing without looking that the elder Lorelai’s whiny voice was accompanied by a pout worthy of a five-year-old. If she didn’t put a stop to this now her mom was fully capable to keep this up for hours – no matter the fact that she didn’t have that time – or until Rory gave in. Normally she’d probably do just that, but not today.

“Mom. I promised no such thing. I said I’d **probably** not have to leave until tomorrow. ‘Probably’ mom. That’s not a promise. If it is, then I’m holding out for you to call grandma and tell her you’ve finally decided to let her hold that monthly DAR-thing at the Independence Inn…”

“Rory! Evil child! That’s completely different! Plus, it was, what? how many years ago? Not fair!”

“It’s so the same. ‘Probably’. Or wait, no. You’re right. It **is** completely different. I intended to hold to what I said. You never did. Now, if things had been different, but… You have to go to the inn today. Lane had to cancel lunch. So when Doyle called, screaming, I really had no good enough excuse not to come back and help out. But you’ll see me Friday, that’s not like I’m leaving the country for a year or twelve you know. Plus next weekend, Thanksgiving, remember? Then I can stay longer, okay?”

Lorelai still pouted.

“Mom.” Rory’s sigh was evident, even to Lorelai.

“If I leave now I might be able to get out of the newsroom before midnight. I might even have enough leverage to make Doyle not to repeat this again in a while, like next weekend for instance, thus securing **our** Thanksgiving. Okay? Not to mention the fact that refusing will make Paris even scarier to live with. But, if that’s what you want I can just make her come and stay with you at the inn for a while…”

Lorelai’s face was exactly the shade of white Rory had aimed for, and after only seconds she nodded, albeit unwillingly.

“Fine. Go. Don’t mind me. I just… We were going to dissect you and Finn tonight!”

“I know. Well, this way at least we have something to talk about next time. Bye mom.”

“Bye mini-me. And that’ll better be a promise!”

When Rory pulled out of Stars Hollow she relaxed a little. For the first time ever she’d been happy to have the impossibly demanding Doyle as an editor. He spent enough time haunting and harassing her that her mother never even questioned his impossible demands any longer. The implied threat of incurring his wrath and thus making Paris more difficult than she was (definitely doable, however unlikely it may sound to some) usually made Lorelai cave at once – making him the perfect excuse.  
Not even Lorelai was going to subject her only daughter to that fate, nor would she call Doyle and try to fib Rory out of whatever he had planned. The fact that Doyle **hadn’t** called her… Well, what Lorelai didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her – or Rory.

After hearing about Jess’ coming appearance the night before Rory had been more than a little unnerved. Sleep had evaded her for most of the night, her thoughts running in circles and a panic attack not too far away. She’d finally fallen asleep around five, only to be woken up at nine when Lane had called to cancel. Going back to sleep had been her only thought afterwards – a plan that had worked just fine until Paris called her at quarter to ten, demanding to know when Rory would return. That’s when the possibility to sneak back to Yale had hit her. When Lorelai had told her, just halfway through her first cup of coffee, that there had been an emergency at the inn and that she’d have to go in Rory had immediately said she’d have to leave as well.

She needed sleep, she needed quiet and she needed time to think – time to try and figure out what to do and how she really felt. All of those things she’d never get with her mom around.

~*~*~*~

Slowly closing the door behind her Rory let out a breath she’d not even been aware she was holding. In less than twenty-four hours she’d be leaving for Thanksgiving-weekend, and in less than forty-eight she’d be attending dinner with Jess. She’d tried to talk Finn into coming with her, feeling the need for some kind of armor and seeing him as the best available option. No such luck though; Finn had been “otherwise engaged”, meaning he and some friends of his were attending some event or other in Europe.

_“While I’d normally do just about anything for you, love, this unfortunately isn’t negotiable. You’re more than welcome to join, but that’s the best I can do. And not even sex can change my mind.”_

She’d seen him off at the airport just now, and only the fact that her mother would kill her (not to mention how Luke would react, and her grandparents…) had stopped her from taking up Finn’s offer to come with him. To be quite honest, she’d taken her largest purse – containing her “emergency-kit” (toothbrush and -paste, deodorant, clean panties and such) – and her passport, part of her hoping that Finn would take matter into his own hands and whisk her off no matter protests and consequences. Not that she’d have protested much ( _or at all_ , her conscience supplied) but no luck there either.

So. Here she was. Only a mere two days away from once more meeting the boy who’d messed her up in such a way during high school. Not knowing if she wanted to slap him, run and hide or jump into his arms and kiss him. The last was an option when it came to Finn as well. She’d come no closer to figuring out what to do about him either…

Since returning from New York and Stars Hollow Rory had spoken to Finn everyday, either on the phone or over coffee. Last night she’d gone with him and some others to the pub, all done trying to see what spending time with Finn without extravagant dates was like. She still liked him, still was attracted to him… Still was unsure if this, **he** , was what she wanted. Still had one heck of a headache.

She sighed and decided that she needed more coffee. _Maybe some of that ice-cream as well, and isn’t there still some of Luke’s muffins in the freezer?_

“Gilmore.” The sound of Paris’ voice startled her, she’d been certain that her room-mate wasn’t in.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong? And don’t give me that innocent look. You’ve been in a funk for over a week, and I’m not sure I can take it anymore.”

“Why do you care? It’s not like I’ve been a bitch, or shirking my responsibilities or anything.”

“Rory. No matter how lousy I am at showing it most of the time I still **am** your friend. I care because I don’t think this is good for you. Now, I kept quiet this long but no longer. Is this about lover-boy? The Aussie one, that is.”

Paris’ face showed an unusual amount of concern, and it was obvious she was not about to back down. Although the thought of going to Paris to talk normally wouldn’t have entered Rory’s mind maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea. After all, Paris had known her during all of the events currently weighing her down – all of her break-ups with Dean, the Jess-mess, the dates with Colin and Finn…  
Normally it was Lane or her mother who got to hear everything and be there for her, but maybe Paris wasn’t such a bad choice. Unlike the other two she had not only noticed something was off but also offered her support. That had to count for something. _Rather, a lot, since it’s Paris… Well, I haven’t been able to figure this out on my own, so I guess some help would be in order just about now._

“No, Paris, it’s not about Finn. However, if we’re going to do this I need coffee, and something sugar-y. K?”

“Fine. I didn’t think it was about him either; well, not now at least. At first I did, but then I saw the two of you together and you went out yesterday and all. So, what is it?”

Rory stayed silent for a little while, busying herself with the coffee-maker, trying to figure out how to start the conversation.

“Do you remember Jess? And no, this isn’t a distraction,” she said before raiding the freezer and indeed finding a box of chocolate muffins just behind a pint of strawberry ice-cream. She grabbed both.

“Bad boy Jess? James Dean-wannabe Jess? ‘Going to California without as much as a note’ Jess?”

“Yeah.”

“Then, yes, obviously I remember him. Why?”

“He’s coming back. Again. And I don’t know if it’s for me. Again. And I’m starting to wonder if I should have gone with him…”

“What? Are you crazy?”

Rory winced. Although she would not go as far as to claim that the entire population of Yale would have heard Paris’ shriek she fully expected their neighbors to come running. No one did, however, though that was probably more due to Paris’ formidable reputation than to them not hearing her.

“Calm down, Paris. No, I’m not crazy. Confused, yes, but not crazy. Not yet at least.”

“I’m not so sure about that,” her room-mate interjected. “What do you mean, ‘for you’? And again? And don’t even get me started on this whole ‘you going with him’-thing! Are you out of your mind? What would posses you to even consider such a thing? Was it even an option? I thought he left without telling you? What did you have in mind, waiting until someone found out where he went and then just going after him like a lost puppy?”

“No. Let me take this from the beginning, okay? You grab the muffins and ice-cream, I’ll take the rest – we’re going to need supplies for this.”

While sipping coffee, spooning in ice-cream and munching on micro waved muffins Rory told Paris the whole story of how Jess had come back – first for his car and just throwing in the fact that he loved her, then for his mother’s wedding and out of the blue showing up at Yale asking Rory to leave with him – and how all of it had made her react and feel. 

When she had finished Rory looked at Paris, not really expecting her to be of much help yet hoping for it. What she got surprised her.

“So. What you’re saying is that Jess’ appearance triggered your affair with Dean, and now that **that** ’s come to a disastrous end you’re thinking that maybe you should have gone with Jess instead because then you wouldn’t have ended up with Dean.”

“No! That’s **not** what I’m saying! Is it…?”

“Come **on** Rory. You’re a smart person. Ask yourself this: what if Jess had come first? What if he’d shown up here that day before your grandmother tricked you into that date, before you left with that idiot, before you called Dean? What then? Would you have gone off with Jess then?”

As usual, when she put any effort into it, Paris was dead on the spot. What if? _Would I have left with Jess if it hadn’t been for Dean? Am I thinking like this because I regret getting back together with Dean?_

“You know, Paris, for someone who works so hard at not appearing like a people-person you’re quite good at it. Though, I gotta say I still don’t know. I loved Jess, I really did. But that was two years ago. Now? A lot has happened since then, and not all of it good. Plus, when I fell in love with Jess I trusted him. I’m not so sure I do now.  
Trusting **anyone** is hard these days – trusting someone who’s already betrayed my trust once… That’s even worse. Still, I’m not sure. Isn’t it possible that **he** ’s changed too? He said he had. And if he’s really able to be what I need now, then would it be so bad to give him, **us** , a second chance?  
Aaaah, why am I even **thinking** about this? I don’t even know for sure he wants me back. He **could** just be back to see his mom and Luke…” Rory’s voice trailed off, heavily tainted by the fact that she suddenly felt very stupid.

“It’s possible. Anything is possible, really. But I think that it’s good for you to think this through anyway. You need to know what **you** want, what **you** think and feel so that you won’t just react to what **he** wants. So, what if he’s here for them and not for you? At least if you sort this out now it won’t come back and bite you in the ass like Dean did.”

Rory felt her eyes go wide. _What?_ She managed to choke out the question.

“Oh, Rory. Still so very much the innocent at times, huh? You and Dean never really settled things, or at least that’s what it looks like to me. You kept having the same expectations when it came to Dean, as did he.  
You felt it your right to tell him what you thought he should do with his life – I’m only surprised you didn’t speak up against him getting married – and he felt it his right to act all jealous and possessive. That you tried to stay friends with him was all good, not my style but still good, but you did so without having dealt with your history as a couple.”

Paris took a sip of her coffee, grimaced, and continued:

“When you broke up you never really talked about it, right? In fact, the two of you didn’t really **break up**. Dean just got fed up with your obvious feelings for Jess and dumped you. Then you started being friendly towards each other while **he** still had feelings for you, and **you** still felt responsible for him. In fact, Dean **got married** without having dealt with his feelings for you.  
Then Jess left, Yale was harder than you thought, you felt lonely… And there was Dean. You jumped right back to his side without really knowing why. That’s one time you really **should** have made one of those pro/con lists of yours. You know, I need something to drink. Wait a sec. You want something as well?”

“Yeah, sure. Whatever you’re having. Thanks Paris.”

While Paris was busy in the kitchenette Rory thought about what she’d just heard. Slowly she started to adopt Paris’ viewpoint. She **had** been extremely careless when it came to Dean, not making sure that everything was clear between them and that he was over her. Not to mention trusting him when it came to that “small” matter of his divorce and jumping the gun when it came to getting back together. Oh yeah, she’d been an idiot all right. And although there was no point in crying over spilled milk there sure was one in finding out what made you spill it in the first place and try not to repeat those same mistakes.

“Here,” Paris trust a glass of orange juice at her. Rory gratefully took a large gulp, only to sputter. **Not** orange juice. At least, not **just** juice.

“You found the vodka, then?” Her voice was slightly hoarse, and the sarcasm though mild clearly there.

“Yup. I saw you going for it the other day, before leaving for New York. Thought it was exactly what we needed.”

“I guess you’re right. God, how bad is it when the men in my life drive me to drinking? And please, don’t answer that.”

Paris complied, and the two of them sat in silence for a little while, resting their throats and minds, sipping their screwdrivers.

“So… Rory, could you promise me one thing? I know that all of this must be messing with your mind pretty badly now, but don’t rush into anything, okay? If Jess does want you back, don’t just say ‘yes’ without thinking. Don’t up and leave with him on a moments notice. Come back here and talk to me about it. I won’t stop you, not if it’s what you really want, but I just want to make sure that you’ve thought things through and that you’re doing the right thing. Please?”

“I promise, Paris.”

The two of them chimed their glasses together and smiled. Then Rory started giggling.

“If only our neighbors could see this! I mean: you and me, laughing, having a civilized conversation, you giving me good advice and actually caring. They would **so** think it was another remake of ‘Invasion of the Body Snatchers’!”

Paris smiled and winked at her.

“Oh, I don’t know about that. More like ‘Armageddon’ I’d say. Good thing they live in ignorance.” And with that the two joined in laughter.

After a while Paris whipped the tears from her eyes and looked at Rory, once more looking like her usual serious and stern self.

“What about lover-boy then?”

“Finn, Paris. **Finn**. He has a name. And what about him?”

“Are you going to keep him?” _What?!_ “Oh, don’t look at me like that. Here you are, having been all cozy with the Aussie for the past few weeks. I honestly thought the two of you had something going. But since you’re all broody about Jess I’m starting to wonder. And I **do** know he has a name, but what’s the use in starting to think about him as Finn, the person, if he’s not going to stick around?”

“Oh. Look, Paris, I… I really don’t know. Before that horrible evening at my grandparents’ place, all I ever saw Finn as was a no-good, slacker, playboy Huntzberger-sidekick, who was always drunk, never serious and had an aversion to getting up while it was still light outside. Then I talked to him some then and started seeing something more. And then we went out…  
And I saw a whole other Finn. I can’t explain it any other way. When he’s not smashed he’s actually a lot smarter than I would have given him credit for. And so far he’d spent more time sober than not while on our dates. We have more in common than I would have guessed. He always makes me smile, and we have lots of fun together. And then there’s the chemistry…”

“Ah. Sex. Spill, Gilmore. He any good?”

Rory almost spat out the sip she’d just taken from her drink. Was Paris seriously asking her about her **sex-life**? With Finn?!

“No!!! I mean… Aaaaargh, Paris! I don’t know, okay? We haven’t slept together. Or well, yes, we have actually, but in the innocent interpretation. We ended up sleeping in the same bed in New York. But… You know what? If we’re going to have this conversation I need a refill.”

Two minutes later their glasses was topped up, the juice and the vodka residing on the table, “just in case”, and Rory was trying to explain the whole Finn-chemistry thing.

“We’ve kissed, and it’s great. It’s as if there’s electricity running through my entire body – like a shock to my entire system. I’ve never felt anything quite like it. Then, our second night in New York, after the concert, those goodnight kisses evolved into something else completely. I’m trying to blame the alcohol. It was as if the only thing I could think about was having sex with Finn. And it was going to happen – we were naked in his bed and all, and I was more than ready. But then he just stopped.”

“What? Are you kidding me? Is he residing in the closet?”

“No, I don’t think that’s it. He told me that even though he was certain he’d never regret having sex with me he was even more certain that we’d both regret it if I took that step drunk. If I was going to sleep with him he wanted me to make that decision while sober. Also, he said it was too soon. Both as is too soon for us and too soon for me after Dean.”

“He said that drunk with a naked girl in his bed? Huh. He really is smarter than **both** of us had given him credit for,” Paris said, clearly impressed.

“Yep. And I guess I should be kinda grateful for it, but I’m not so sure I am. Okay, so I’m not certain I’m cut out for sex without a relationship, but the way he made me feel… When Dean and I were together, well, at first I thought it was perfect. He told me he loved me, I thought I loved him, it didn’t hurt much… What more could I have asked for?  
But then, before he dumped me, I had started wondering if that was all there was to it. You hear all these stories about how great sex can be and all that, but I didn’t feel that. With Dean it was good because we ‘loved each other’, but I couldn’t really see why people would do it otherwise. And I started wondering if maybe there was something wrong with me.  
Until Finn.  
Almost sleeping with **him** was more exiting, more gratifying, than **actually** sleeping with Dean. With the added bonus that I got to wake up in Finn’s arms the next morning – unlike Dean, who always had to leave. So while I’m glad I still haven’t given up completely on my believes I sort of wish that I could know that I’ve felt that burning desire, been consumed by it, you know?”

“But you’re not in love with him? Or, are you?”

“No. Not now. I think… It might be a lot easier to fall in love with Finn than I would have thought, but then again, should I? Remember how I said that I’ve been seeing a different Finn? Well, how do I know that the Finn I’ve been going on dates with is the Finn I’d get if we were to date for real? What if I give him that chance and allow myself to really fall for him, and then all I get is sidekick-Finn?  
Oh, I don’t expect him to keep taking me on extravagant dates all the time, but would he still be willing to get up early for me? Would he still take the time to meet me for an improvised cup of coffee, and spend an evening sober? Or would it be sailing the seas of alcohol, evenings at the pub and LDB-events all the way? Maybe it would be better to just stay friends? I think we could, you know, if we just agree to it before things get out of hand.”

Rory stopped, flustered and slightly out of breath from her ranting, and waited for Paris to impart some more of the wisdom she’d been spreading. What she got was another huge surprise.

“Maybe you should just sleep with him. Oh, don’t give me that look; you just admitted you wanted to. Honestly, sometimes you are too innocent for your own good. So you don’t love Finn. The two of you have what sounds like great sexual chemistry though, and that could be a problem. The way I see it, that chemistry of yours could very well be what makes it impossible for the two of you to be ‘just’ friends – it’s not that easy when a simple hug makes you almost jump out of your skin.”

_She’s got a point,_ Rory thought, suddenly feeling almost sober. The way it tingles when Finn touches me, how would I deal with being only friends? Can I do that while being single?

“Sleeping with him will probably do one of three things: you fall for him, sex sometimes triggers feelings; you have great sex and then the chemistry disappears; or you decide that you want to be friends with benefits. Either way you get your hormones dealt with.”

Rory startled. _Did Paris just suggest I use Finn for sex?_ She looked at her room-mate, wide-eyed, without saying anything. Then it hit her. _Hello! Of **course** Paris is saying that. Look at how she and Doyle started! Look at her and professor Flemming…_ Rory cringed at the thought. _She’s not afraid to follow her gut, and at least **she** didn’t spend the last year and a half being miserable… I need to think about this. _

“I need to think about that, Paris. It’s not like Finn’s available right now anyway. He’s somewhere in Europe having fun – the only reason he’s not being dragged to Thanksgiving dinner as support slash shield. Now, how about you? I mean, since we’re sharing and all. I think there might be just enough vodka left for me to actually be able to listen to stories about your sex-life with my editor without being scarred for life.”

She added a smile, to let Paris know that she wasn’t **that** serious. She then sat back comfortably and listened to Paris’ rants, stories and insecurities while smiling slightly on the inside. _Yeah, she’s my friend alright. Maybe not the most conventional one, or even close to easy to live with, but she **is** my friend. A better one than I could ever have dreamed of._

In the end, there was even enough vodka to allow Rory to listen to her room-mate lamenting her dead lover without more than the occasional twitch. After all, what were friends for if not to share your burdens, be they runaway bad boys or dead professors?


	7. Chapter 7

**The Way We Were**

Thursday morning came way too soon. Rory and Paris had ended up polishing off half a bottle of vodka, more than enough to make Rory’s head a little “heavy”, and had sat up talking until long after midnight. When her alarm went off all she wanted to do was throw it out the window, but that would mean having to exert energy. Instead she hit snooze a few times before grudgingly getting up.  
A long shower helped – a little – as did glass after glass of water followed by half a pot of coffee. Half, since for once Paris rivaled her intake, aggressively demanding her share of the hot brown liquid. Normally Rory might have protested, might have begrudged her room-mate this, but as she’s been reminded the night before: they were friends, and you had to be there for your friends. Even if it meant sharing the coffee.

~*~*~*~ 

When Rory arrived in Stars Hollow it was a bit later than she’d planned, and the house was crowded. Luke had, of course, come early to prepare the food. Liz and T.J. were also early, as Liz claimed the need to bond with Lorelai – as they were “about to become sisters” – a comment that had made Luke tense up. And Jess… Jess was also there early as Liz had dragged him with her.

“Hi.” _Way to go, Gilmore. Can you sound any more like a timid five-year-old?_

“Hey.” Jess’ voice made her warm on the inside. It made her remember all of their conversations, remember him saying that he loved her, asking her to leave with him… It made her weak at the knees, and tongue-tied.

“So, look, it’s a bit crowded here. Would you like to take a walk? Talk some? Luke just said that dinner isn’t for at least half an hour, so…”

“Okay.” _Can you say more than a word at the time, Gilmore?_ “Why not?” _Look, good, that’s two. Now just keep adding them…_

It felt awkward, walking through Stars Hollow with Jess, as if nothing was wrong. As if he hadn’t left her here without warning, as if she hadn’t refused to go with him only to be with Dean instead… And the thoughts she thought had been chased out by Paris came snaking their way back. _What if…?_

“So, how have you been? I mean, we haven’t really talked since you left here and…” Rory’s voice trailed off.

“Ehm, yeah, I know. Let’s see, I live in Philadelphia now, working, enjoying myself actually. Trying to write, but that’s kind of a secret, although I thought you’d like to know.”

“What? That’s great, Jess! I always knew you had talent! Tell me more?” She didn’t pay much attention to where they were walking, only to what Jess was telling her, and she smiled most of the time, happy because he was and actually forgetting her fears. Until he stopped talking about his life, and started talking about **them**.

“Look, Rory… When I came to see you this spring, at Yale… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that, shouldn’t have come on so strong, I realize that. It was just that I was so certain, I **knew** I had changed, that I could do better, and since **I** knew it, well then it had to be true. But I didn’t take **you** into consideration. **You** had no way of knowing all of this. To you I was the guy that kept screwing up – that failed you, left you and hurt you.”

Jess paused, visibly searching for words, looking hurt and ashamed. Rory kept quiet, realizing that this was something he needed to get off his chest, and that she needed to listen.

“I loved you, Rory. I was a really lousy boyfriend, I know, but the one thing that I did right was that I loved you. I still do, and I’m afraid I always will. A part of me wants nothing more than to start begging you to take me back, to ask you to leave with me – hoping that this time you’ll say ‘yes’ – and do whatever it takes. But I’ve slowly come to realize that maybe that wouldn’t be the best thing.  
It would make me the happiest man on Earth, yes, but I’m scared that I’ll screw up again. That I will make the same mistakes I did back then – that once I have you I’ll start taking you for granted and not treat you like you deserve. Not understanding that love needs constant care, not just some grand gesture every now and again. And that made me see why you said ‘no’. I realized that no matter what you felt for me you most likely didn’t trust me, and that was because you had no reason to. Because I didn’t deserve that – or you.”

Jess winced, clearly about to say something he didn’t want to.  
“I want you to promise me something, Rory. Promise me that you won’t let the fact that both I and Dean acted like asses stop you from trusting in love, all right? Stay that sweet trusting girl that made me feel like I was actually worth something for the first time. Don’t let the fact that you’ve been treated badly by idiots who should know better change you and make you hard. Please.”

“I’ll try.” _But what if it’s already too late? I’m so far from that innocent girl now that I’m not even sure we’d recognize each other, she and I…_

“Look, Jess… I loved you, and in a way I still do. But not like I used to. And maybe you’re right; maybe it’s because of the trust-issues. All I know is that so much has changed, and if there’s something **I** have finally realized it’s this: you can never go back to exactly the way things were. You can build something new and similar, but you can never recap the past. I can’t be what you wish for, not now and maybe never, but I can be your friend. Will that do?” she said in a shaky yet hopeful voice.

“Yeah, that’ll do. Being your friend would make me almost as happy as being your love – and it’s something I’m not as likely to mess up.” The pair hugged, holding on to each other for a long time while doing their best to let go of the past. They released their grips gradually, with a hint of regret but also with small matching smiles.

“Don’t you think Luke’s about done with the food by now?” Jess said, obviously a little uncomfortable with the situation.

“Yeah, he should be. And mom should be ready to call the National Guard… For some reason she never did trust you,” Rory replied with a smile, “so why don’t we go have Thanksgiving dinner?”  
They walked back in comfortable silence, Jess being all talked out – Rory had never heard him talk so long about feelings – and Rory musing on all the things she had to give thanks for, her hand resting on his arm, their shoulders almost touching. It was a good day.

~*~*~*~

“It’s dark, it’s locked and there are no signs of grandpa anywhere,” Rory reported after thoroughly checking out the pool house the next day.

“We show up every Friday, he couldn’t have forgotten, could he? What if he’s in there hurt?” She was beginning to worry.

“Or,” the second Lorelai pointed out, “he could be in the main house.”

Rory looked at her mother unbelievingly, something that didn’t pass unnoticed.

“Hey, I’m only saying. Remember last week? Mom was down here, and they were getting along just fine. Maybe they’ve called a truce? You know how annoyed mom was that dad got us first, so maybe…”

“Fine. We’ll go see.” Rory snuck up to one of the sitting room windows to peek through. What meet her eyes made her take a quick step back, wincing.

“What?”

“Well, ehm, to put it mildly: he’s in there.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, and if we don’t get in there quick we’ll be met by a private show.”

Both the Lorelais winced at that. Then Rory saw her mother’s eyes light up.

“Hey! We could use that as an excuse to sneak away; you know, go home and watch movies instead.”

“No, mom. Look, if grandma and grandpa are getting back together I want to know. Don’t you? Oh, why am I even asking you? We’re going in there **now**.”

Inside they were met by a smiling couple, holding each other, and acting like they’d never had as much as a disagreement. Rory was happy to see this, and even though her mother put up the usual act Rory knew she too was happy.

“Soooo?” Lorelai finally asked, prodding.

“Girls,” Emily chirped, “we have reconciled. And to celebrate this we’ve decided to renew our vows. Next Saturday, as it’s our fortieth wedding anniversary. Lorelai, I’d like you to be my maid of honor–”

“–and Rory,” Richard chimed in, “you have to be my best man.”

Rory smiled and threw herself across the room to hug her grandparents. Finally things were beginning to go right again. If only they could continue that way…

The entire way back to Stars Hollow both Lorelais were trying to come up with reasons to use in order to convince Luke to come with them to the upcoming vow renewal. The elder Lorelai finally laughed and said that she could always resort to sexual black-mail. Rory cringed, not really wanting to hear that – or worse: see it. She was all for her mom and Luke, but she so did not need the visuals.

So, while Lorelai went into the diner, in search of coffee and a date, Rory excused herself and went to the gazebo instead. Not only to avoid seeing and hearing her mom offer sexual favors, she also had a call to make as she too felt the need for a date. Who better than Finn? However, since she had no idea when he’d planned to return from his European vacation she felt it best to call as early as possible. And since Luke detested cell phones and just might withhold coffee if she made the call from inside the diner, well, it made a good excuse. She chose to go to the gazebo – as it had snow free benches for her to sit comfortably on while calling.

“Finn? Hi! Everything good over there?”

“Just peachy, love. Would have been better with you in my bed, but then you can’t get everything, can you?” Finn sounded amused, and only slightly tipsy. _Good. Then he’ll remember this, but won’t be able to claim I tricked him into it._

“No, you can’t. And me in your bed? Let’s not get you too used to that, shall we? However, I had a reason for calling – besides hearing your lovely exotic accent. When are you coming back?”

“The jet’s scheduled to pick us up Saturday. Why? Do you need me for something?”

“Actually I do. My grandparents are back together, and they’re celebrating by renewing their vows. Saturday. Now, I can go solo, but it’d be much more fun with you. Also, if I show up on my own you never know what idiocy they will plan for me. So…”

“Say no more, love. I’ll be there Friday, I’m thinking around noon. You can pick me up and take me to lunch before we go shopping.”

“Shopping?”

“Certainly love. As a reward for me dashing halfway around the globe I expect you to wear a short and sexy little number – royal blue I think – that will give me deliciously naughty ideas.”

“Oh Finn. You’re impossible,” she said with laughter in her voice, before continuing with the bad news: “I’m sorry but there will be no dress, sexy or other, as I’ll be wearing a suit.”

“Come again, love?”

“Well, my grandfather asked me to be his best man, and as such I thought a suit would be more in line. Sorry.”

“In that case, do you own a suit?”

“No, not yet, but–”

“Then we need to go shopping. And I absolutely demand that you let me pick out your underwear.”

“My underwear?! Finn! Why would, I mean, I–”

“Love, **something** has to give me those naughty ideas, and if it’s not a dress… Anyway, no matter how much I love talking to you this is going to cost you a small fortune soon, so why don’t I just get around to checking flights? I’ll call you when I have all the details, and I’m looking forward to seeing you again. Surprisingly enough I find myself missing you – and just not for your kisses,” Finn said, sounding amazingly sincere.

“I miss you too, Finn, and you know what? It just might be enough to model some of that underwear for you. Bye now, see you Friday then. I’ll be the brunette jumping up-and-down, attracting the guards’ suspicions.”

“Ah. Good to know, I just might have started looking for a redhead otherwise. Bye then love.”

She hung up, and put her cell back in her purse, getting ready to return to Luke’s and her mom. Talking to Finn had made her feel warm inside and left a smile on her lips.

“So I’m guessing that’s the new boyfriend? Does he know he’s sharing you with Jess? Does he care?”

_Dean. Great. Why can’t he just let go?_

“Dean. What are you talking about? Finn isn’t ‘sharing me’ with anyone, Jess or other.”

“Don’t give me that innocent act,” Dean spat out. “I saw you with him, just yesterday. Laughing and hugging. Always going to Jess, cheating. Just like the little whore you are. But hey, I’m guessing that’s no news to Yale-boy. After all, he should know just how easy you are. Tell me, how long did you screw him behind my back, huh?”

Dean’s words felt like a blow to the face. Was this Dean? Was this angry guy the same person as the sweet caring boy she had once termed “perfect”, that she had loved? She heard him rant about how she’d ruined his marriage, how he’d given up everything for her only to be betrayed in return.  
As the angry words fell like blows she realized something. Their relationship had never been perfect, none of the times. That was just an illusion from her mind, created by distance and the **need** for it to have been. Also, while she had felt strongly for him back in high school and believed it to be love then it hadn’t really been. Close, but not quite. And it definitely hadn’t been love the last time. As for **him** loving **her** … She was beginning to see that too in a different light.

She got up, not really wanting to take anymore of his crap, and cut into his rant.

“You know Dean; no matter how fun it is to hear you blame me for everything and lie about me I really don’t have the stomach for this. However, I want to make one thing clear: until you ended our relationship I didn’t as much as hug another guy. I’m guessing that since you were leading Lindsay on about your marriage for quite some time you can’t say anything of the kind.  
Also, not that my relationships to other people is any of your business but Jess and I are just friends – friends that will probably become family soon considering the way things are going with my mom and Luke.”

She looked at Dean, feeling almost empty, and tried to choose her words to carry as much effect as possible without making him explode.

“Now, I get that you’re upset, but let’s be honest here. **You** got married while still claiming to love me – yeah, I heard about that. **You** decided to go after me after I backed away that day at the Dragonfly. **You** lied to me about moving out, about filing for a divorce and about Lindsay also knowing it was over. So don’t go blaming me for everything. Guilt’s a two-way street in this case.  
However, I’m not really expecting you to be rational or honest or the Dean I thought I knew. It’s painfully obvious that you’ll say anything to justify your actions. Well, you just go ahead and do whatever makes you feel less like a villain – I recommend you don’t do it so that mom or Luke can hear you though, you wouldn’t like the result. Now, you’ll have to excuse me but I have someone to apologize to.”

And with that she walked out on Dean, just as he had walked out on her so many times; leaving him and their shared past behind her, taking the first steps towards a new life where hopefully once more she would be able to be happy and hold her head high.

~*~*~*~

Rory stood rooted in the same spot as she had been in for the last twenty minutes. She might have been confident enough on her way over here, but once it was time to really **do it** she’d frozen. She knew exactly how catastrophic this could potentially become.

Her cell rang, and she answered it quickly while crouching down behind a car – feeling really silly, but not being able to help it. She didn’t want anyone to see her just yet. Or at all, in case she backed out…

“Hello?”

“Mini-mi! Where did you go? I saw you go to the gazebo, then I looked away and poof!, you were gone and instead there Dean was standing, looking pissed as ever, and I’d really like to know how…”

“Mom? Please, I have something to do, something really important, so… I’ll meet you at home? See if you can talk Luke into giving you a Thermos and some doughnuts, I think I’m going to need it.”

“Rory, what are you– Ah. I think I know. I’ll do my best, honey. Now, go. See you at home.”

Rory looked at the house again. The lights were on, there was music playing softly, but no car in the driveway. She took a deep breath, sent an almost-prayer that all this meant what she thought, and crossed the street to ring the door-bell. She heard soft steps, and then the door opened. _Showtime._

“What are **you** doing here?”

“Hello, Lindsay. Could we– I realize you hate me, and with all right, but I need to talk to you. Can I come in?”

Rory felt the silence, felt the once perky but now broken blonde’s stares, knew she deserved the anger radiating towards her, and held her breath. Seconds ticked by, turned into minutes, felt like they were turning into forever.

“Fine. You have ten minutes before my parents are back – and God knows what my mom will do if she sees you.”

Rory stepped in, quickly, quietly, and followed Lindsay into the kitchen.

“You wanted to talk? I can’t imagine what you have to say that you think I would want to hear, but go ahead.” Lindsay’s voice was raspy, harsh, and full of anger and what sounded like hate.

“Thank you.” Rory’s voice was soft, low, full of all the shame she felt.

“I know this must be hard for you, and I appreciate it. I don’t expect this to end with you forgiving me or anything, but I wanted to apologize. I **need** to apologize. When we ran into you and your mom, after, I… I didn’t know what to say. I was sorry, and so ashamed, but I couldn’t get anything to come out. And I guess there really wasn’t anything I could have said either, except that I really am sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I know I did, but I never meant to. I just… I didn’t think.”

Lindsay stood still, her eyes fixed on the floor, her face hidden behind a curtain of hair. Silent. Rory took the silence as a sign to continue.

“I was so messed up, and started to idealize what Dean and I had, and I let our tentative friendship become something more. I fell back into my old pattern with him. I knew that the two of you were fighting - I thought you were getting divorced. Then I realized how wrong I was, too late, and left. But I had to go and write that stupid letter, and you had to find it–”

“You thought we were getting divorced?” Lindsay’s voice held something Rory could almost recognize.

“Yeah, I–”

“Dean told you we were getting a divorce.” It was no question, just a plain statement.

“I–”

“Rory. You came here, I’m hoping that it was to try and undo some of this mess. Then be honest. Tell me the truth, Rory. The **whole** truth. Please?”

“Yeah, okay. Yes, Dean told me your marriage wasn’t working, that both of you knew it. I was unsure, and asked him if it really was over, not just that the two of you had been fighting so much. And then he told me that no, it really was over. You were in agreement – he was looking for an apartment, and as soon as he could move out you’d file for a divorce, jointly. I believed him.  
Afterwards I felt guilty, thinking we still should have waited for the divorce to be final, but tried to justify it. He told me he loved me, that he never stopped loving me, and that getting married so young was a mistake. I told myself I loved him, and that he was mine first. But it was just excuses.  
Then I overheard you, at the butcher’s, and it was so obvious that **you** didn’t think your marriage was over. And it dawned on me: what if everything was a lie? And so I left for the summer, to give myself the time to think and Dean the time to decide what he **really** wanted. Only I couldn’t get my head straight, and Dean did nothing – until you found my letter.  
After that… I didn’t know what to do, but I felt… obligated, I guess, to be with Dean. I managed to forget everything that he’d said and done wrong and believed him when he let me understand that I was to blame for your marriage failing. Now, I’m not saying I’m innocent. I was stupid, and I did things I really shouldn’t have. But I didn’t realize **how** stupid.”

Rory fell silent, having run out of words. Now all she could do was wait for Lindsay’s reaction.

“You know, I hated you. From the beginning I never could quite forget the fact that you had him first, that he loved you first. I believed that he loved me, I really did, but at times he’d get so distant and I was always afraid that he was thinking about you. I always felt as if I was competing with you, even after we got married. I wasn’t smart like you, and I’ll never go off to college and get a great career, and I always felt that I needed to be more like you.” _Wow. And here I felt that **I** needed to be more like Lindsay…_ “But I never could be like that. And then you came back.  
In a way I had been waiting for it. Had just been waiting for him to decide that I wasn’t good enough, wasn’t enough like you, and leave me. But I didn’t think **you** would do that, would take him while we were still married. And now I understand you didn’t, not really. I’m not ready to forgive you, Rory, I think you understand that. But I don’t hate you anymore.”

~*~*~*~

On her way back to the crap-shack Lindsay’s words rang in her head, became a song that her feet marched along to. _“I don’t hate you anymore.”_ It was possibly the most beautiful thing she had heard in a very long time. It made her smile – made her feel like as if a missing piece of her soul once more was in place. She knew she would never really become the old Rory again, but the new Rory she was becoming didn’t have to be **that** different from the old one. She could change and grow up while still knowing that no matter what happened at least she would act like decent person.

It was a good feeling.


	8. Chapter 8

**A Hatchet for the Honeymoon**

Waiting for Finn Rory hardly even noticed that her chair was beyond uncomfortable and that the brown liquid – that the airport cafeteria called coffee – she was sipping was not only cooling too fast but was also truly horrible.  
The high of her Thanksgiving-weekend was still very much in place; Rory felt happy and light in a way not too common lately. After apologizing to Lindsay, giving Dean a piece of her mind and making up with Jess Rory had walked around with a smile for two days straight. The fact that her grandparents were back together helped too, as did the fact that she had Finn. Exactly how she had Finn… Well, she still wasn’t entirely sure about that, but she knew he was in her life and that soon he’d be in her arms and that in itself was worth smiling for.

When Finn’s flight was announced Rory felt butterflies flock in her stomach. Her heartbeat picked up and her smile grew a little wider. _Only minutes now…_ And then there he was. True to her word Rory had been jumping up and down, waving like a mad-woman, and shouting his name. And just as she’d been longing for he swept her up in his arms, twirling her. Right then and there she felt perfectly content.

That feeling lasted for all of one whole minute.

“Finn, man. Not that I don’t appreciate hugging willing women, but are you done yet? Frank should be here now, and I really want to get back to Yale and have a shower.” _Logan. Great._

“Logan? Why are you back here early? Europe couldn’t have run out of willing bimbos already, could it? Rory started wincing at the venom in her own words even before Logan had had the time to process her insult. _I so need to start working on curbing those mean tendencies._

“Look, that was uncalled for. I’m sorry. It’s just, nah, I have no excuse.” _Except that you annoy the hell out of me. Ouch, again…_ “I’ll start over. Finn didn’t mention that you’d be coming with him. Did something happen?”

“Not exactly. My family got invited to Richard and Emily’s vow renewal, and my parents requested my presence. And since Finn was going back for it I could hardly refuse now could I?”

Logan didn’t look happy, and Rory understood him. She’d been rude, and she was pretty sure that Logan Huntzberger wasn’t used to people being rude to him. Especially not girls – _girls were supposed to fall at his feet, right?_ More damage control was obviously needed.

“Logan.” She poured as much sincerity and sympathy as she could stomach into her voice and words.

“I really **am** sorry. I want us to get along, I do, and that means I can’t be a bitch to you just because I get surprised. It has nothing to do with you, I swear.” _Yeah, right. Still, I hope he falls for that…_ “If not for me, do you think you could try and forgive me for Finn’s sake?”

Rory could see that her words weren’t quite enough, and decided to throw in her “secret weapons”. _Might as well give him the full workout…_ So she looked up at him, head slightly tilted, used what her mom had dubbed her “Bambi-eyes” combined with a small pout.

“Yeah, sure.” Someone not looking too close might have been fooled, but Rory happened to look straight at Logan, straight into his eyes, and she saw clearly that he was not okay with her attitude. He’d fake it, though, not wanting to upset Finn, and that was good enough. For the moment. _It’s not like I really care what he thinks, but I don’t want to mess things up with Finn._ She hated using manipulation, hated using the fact that she was an un-ugly girl and Logan someone who liked un-ugly girls and attention.

“Great. We’re all friends here. Now, Logan, I thought I told you already. I’m not going back to Yale yet, as Rory and I have a date with some barely-there-lingerie. I’ll see you later though. Ready, love? Perfect. Bye then.”

~*~*~*~

Lunch with Finn was great, as meals with him always were. Unlike most others he never questioned that she ate, what she ate or how much. Instead he entertained her with crazy stories about his “European adventures” and listened attentively to her stories in return. Suit-shopping was also good, but once they entered an exclusive lingerie store Rory started tensing up. Was she really up to this challenge? Could she wear whatever sexy underwear Finn thought suitably “distracting” – and could she wear them in front of him?

“Rory-love? You know I won’t force you to wear – or do – anything you really don’t want to, right? You can trust me, I promise.” Finn’s voice was full of concern and honesty, and Rory felt herself relax gradually. She relaxed even further as Finn gathered her into his arms for a surprisingly chaste yet firm hug. _He’s such a great guy. How could being with him be a bad idea? Maybe he really is the one I should focus on…_

“Yes, Finn, I trust you. Crazy as that may sound…”

“Perfect. Then, why don’t we start with this one? Cornflower blue, just the thing to offset your eyes!”

Even though Rory ended up modeling underwear for almost an hour, Finn still picked the first set. It was both sexy and lacy enough to satisfy Finn’s every demand, without making her feel cheap. In fact it made her feel like a very desirable woman – and if the look on Finn’s face was anything to judge from that was what she looked like as well. His eyes shone, and Rory felt as if heat waves radiated from his eyes only to settle in her belly.  
Looking at him, seeing the way he looked at her, she made her mind up. _Yes, I’ll do it. After the wedding tomorrow I’m having sex with Finn._ And that thought sent tingles up her spine while giving her goose bumps that had nothing to do with the season. She sent him a wide smile, trying to convey her feeling that right there, right then, Finn was the most wonderful man on the face of the earth.

“Stupid Finn!” Rory could actually feel the anger radiating from her. They should have left five minutes ago, and no sign of Finn. Also, he wasn’t answering his phone – neither the cellular nor the dorm one.

_He better not be drunk, or hung-over and asleep, or…_ She growled in rhythm with her steps as she stalked towards Finn’s dorm. He was officially ten minutes late, and that meant she’d either have to drive a little faster than she would prefer or face the wrath of Emily for being late – or as normal people would say: less than two hours early. _If this is what it’s like dating Finn once the novelty of a girl wears off…? Then I’m not so sure about all of this anymore._  
Rory’s train of thought broke as she reached Finn’s door. It was locked. Huh. Didn’t Finn say he practically never locks his door unless he’s out? But I can hear the music, so…

She rang the doorbell, tapping her foot impatiently, growling as nothing happened. Realizing that the sound probably wasn’t able to penetrate the music she started panicking, before remembering something from one of their dates: Finn telling her where he kept his spare key. A minute and a half later she was prowling through the place, growing more and more impatient by the second. Finally she picked up the sound of the shower and headed into the bathroom.

“Finn! Get your ass out here, now! Or I swear to God I’ll drag you out of there by some body part or other. We’re late, and Emily’s going to kill us unless we get moving – five minutes ago.” No reaction. Rory slowly counted to ten, then reached for the shower curtain.

“Finn, I swear… If this is another one of your ‘Let’s get Rory to join Finn in the shower’-plots it’s NOT working.” She ripped the curtain aside, continuing: “In fact, it’s making the chances of…” She fell silent.

In front of her was a sleek, toned body not even hidden by as much as a speck of soap lather. It was a gorgeous body, _definitely drool-worthy,_ that made the idea of getting into the shower **very** tempting. In fact Rory had a hard time keeping from getting out of her clothes and into the shower. Her brain was coming up with all sorts of deliciously naughty ideas and her inner Paris was cheering it on, joined by her inner Lorelai – both claiming that there would be no harm in being just **a little** later.

Only one problem: not Finn.

Rory broke out of her trance and realized she was starting, was in fact eating the poor guy up with her eyes, and flushed crimson. She tore her eyes away and turned around quickly, feeling like a horrible person. When she tried to speak her voice wasn’t cooperating, and it took her three tries to get started. 

“God, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to– I thought, Finn was late, and his phone… I… Oh God. Please forgive me Colin?”

“Of course. Ehm, Finn left over half an hour ago – didn’t he show up at your place?” _God, he even manages to be courteous now? Huh, that’s good breeding for you, I guess._

“What? Oh! Did he go **there**? I… I’ll just go outside and call Paris, while you… ehm, finish here?” She blushed again, as thoughts of just exactly what could be finished in that shower ran through her head, and hurried out. _Get a grip, Rory, he’s taken – remember? AND, you have Finn. Remember him? The guy you’re taking to the vow renewal? The guy you were planning to have SEX with? Tonight! The guy who’s Colin’s FRIEND!_  
Rory felt shame wash over her. Shouldn’t she be over Colin by now? Hadn’t she told them both that it was just some “fun”, nothing more? And here she was, entertaining ideas on how to ravage him. _I’m a horrible person._ Problem was, her rebellious brain simply wouldn’t stop coming up with those ideas. Those naughty, delicious ideas… Like finding out what he tastes like… I bet he’s almost as tasty as coffee… Rory winced, and purposely bit her tongue in order to calm down. The pain finally did the trick.

Whipping out her cell she called her dorm, praying that Paris would pick up and have good news.

“Hello?”

“Paris? It’s…”

“Rory! Your boy toy’s here, mixed things up. I didn’t think it was a good idea for him to leave, in case you’d come back.”

“Great, Paris. Would you please tell him to meet me at the parking lot? He knows which one. Thanks. Have to run!”

She got all the way to the door, sighing gratefully thinking that she’d not have to face Colin again – that day at least. She was wrong.

“Rory?” He sounded hesitant, slightly embarrassed – _like he has any cause to, with that body – God! Just, please…_ – and something more she couldn’t identify.

“Look, Colin. I’m late, I’m stressed and I’m really, really embarrassed right now. Could we just pretend like this never happened? And… could you not tell Finn about it? Please?”

She was begging, she knew, but she didn’t care. Anything that got her out of there in one piece was fine by her at the moment, and if begging worked… Well, it was against the Gilmore Girls Rulebook to not use whatever worked. So it was supposed to refer to getting more coffee, but hey. _Hot, liquid goodness or hot, wet-from-the-shower goodness – it’s all the same, right?_

Colin’s expression changed, just a degree, and he sighed softly.

“Of course. I won’t say a word. I won’t keep you, and I won’t tell anyone. I hope you and Finn have a nice evening, Rory.”

“Yeah, you too.”

And before Colin could open his mouth again, or she could listen to her inner voice, Rory ran like no self-respecting, rule abiding Gilmore Girl ever should.

~*~*~*~

Twirling across the dance floor with Finn Rory felt wonderful. She had managed to push **the encounter** in Finn’s apartment out of her mind – or so she claimed – and everything was going great. Maybe even better than great. Her grandparents were almost nauseatingly happy – enough so that Emily hadn’t even noticed that Rory and Finn had shown up late (thirty-eight minutes), when normally she’d have it down to the second.  
Luke and Lorelai were not **quite** that bad, but they too were radiating happiness. The fact that they were all dancing to “Love is in the air” felt very appropriate. And then there was the third Gilmore-generation present: her. With Finn. Who she… well, maybe she didn’t exactly **love** him _(or wait, no “exactly” and no “maybe”, she **didn’t** love Finn._ ) but she wanted to. Didn’t she? _(I do, don’t I? I mean, I’d be crazy not to, right?)_  
She did, however, care a lot for him and he was an excellent escort. And he was **so** getting lucky once they got back to Yale. _Yeah, right, to his dorm room. If it’s empty, that is…No, don’t go there, dumb brain_. Anyway, things were as close to perfect as she could imagine them for the evening.

And at that thought she froze up. _Perfect?_ Oh no. “Perfect” always seemed to be those five seconds before everything went straight to hell. _So what could go wrong?_ Rory let her mind wander, trying to come up with anything. Nothing. _Huh. Well, better not think about it too much. With the way things normally go I’d probably **make** something happen, just by thinking to hard about it._  
For a second her thoughts went to her dad, who hadn’t looked that comfortable earlier. But, that was to be considered normal, right? After all, he was in a weird position here: not a friend, not quite family. She didn’t really understand why he’d been invited, but it didn’t bother her. She’d talked to him earlier, and yeah, he wasn’t as happy as the Gilmores, but hey, who was? He seemed alright though, and their conversation had been… inspirational? Yeah, why not?  
They had talked about love and relationships, while looking at her grandparents laughing and dancing, and Christopher had said quite a few smart things. Like how important it was not to let love and happiness slip between your fingers; how sometimes love wasn’t what you thought and how love and happiness took work and determination… Yeah, that was true.

_I thought that Dean loved me, and look where **that** got me. And, well, look at mom. And dad. They both missed **a lot** of chances, with each other and with others. And then grandma and grandpa… They decided to get back together, to work on their relationship and not let the other leave. That has to be the right way. Meaning I can work at it too, with Finn. Determination, that’s it._

~*~*~*~

The clock was close to midnight, but unlike Cinderella Rory wasn’t with the Prince. Nope, she was stuck dancing with Logan. And no matter how she tried she simply couldn’t get the picture of herself kicking him repeatedly in the ass out of her mind. So much for trying to get along for Finn’s sake…  
When Logan wasn’t talking about how her costume made him feel like he was dancing with a guy, or about stupid LDB-stuff, he was prying. Like she’d tell him if she’d slept with Finn! Or with anyone else. _God, the gall of him!_ Plus, something about him made Rory’s internal alarms scream. If he hadn’t been Finn’s friend she’d been certain that he was out to get her into bed. Scarily enough the fact that he was didn’t make her dismiss the idea completely.  
 _I’d give just about anything to get away from him now! As soon as I do, I’ll grab Finn and leave, it’s late enough that we can get away with it. And still early enough for us to… continue celebrating on our own…_

And like the sweetest music, there was Finn’s voice, coming from just behind her.

“Sorry, mate, but I need to steal Rory away. Emily needs her, and apparently it’s urgent and extremely important.”

Just seconds later Finn was leading Rory across the floor, leaving Logan behind (immediately looking for a new dance partner), while listening to her heartfelt thanks. Which stopped abruptly as she realized they were in fact heading straight for Emily Gilmore.

“You mean she really wanted me? Oh.” _Oh well, at least I’m free of Logan._

“Yes, something about photographs. The entire wedding party, ‘just the girls’… All that jazz.”

Rory sighed, but forced herself to smile. She’d let her grandmother those pictures, and then… Her smile grew, became real and more than a little devilish, and she stopped Finn to whisper in his ear:

“Okay, I’m guessing that this’ll take half an hour, tops. What do you say, let’s leave after? Just go back to Yale, you know, just the two of us.”

Not waiting for an answer she started walking again, took her place beside her grandfather and smiled for the camera.

~*~*~*~

The half-hour she’d predicted became 45 minutes, but surprisingly enough it wasn’t Emily’s fault. Instead it had been Lorelai, who’d gotten into the idea of lots of pictures. The photographer had quickly fallen for the Gilmore charm and agreed to take some additional photos just for Lorelai.  
Rory had gone along with her mother, partly to make her happy – partly because Rory herself liked the idea of having a photo or two of herself, her mom and their handsome escorts. In the end there had been lots of posing, both formal and goofy, of all possible combinations of the quartet. It was the perfect ending to a beautiful evening.

Until – of course – disaster struck.

“Lorelai? Lorelai! What are you doing? Taking family pictures? Huh? Great idea, yeah, except, well, Luke’s not family now is he?”

“Christopher? What are you talking about? And how much did you drink? You smell like a brewery! Look, why don’t you go get some coffee, and…”

Christopher Hayden, however, had no intention of sobering up or going away peacefully. He was out for blood, figuratively (at least Rory **hoped** ) speaking. More precisely- Luke’s blood.

“If you want family pictures, Lor, **I** should be the one in them. **I** am Rory’s father; **I** am the one you’re meant to be with. He’s just a replacement – he’ll be gone soon enough.”

“What?!” Rory winced. Her mother’s voice, full of pain and questions, collided with Luke’s angry one and Rory just **knew** this was going downhill **real** fast. But none of it stopped her dad.

“You and I are meant for each other, Lor, everyone knows it. I know it, you know it, Rory knows it, Emily knows it…”

**That** hit the bull’s eye. _Grandma “knows” mom and dad are meant for each other? I’m guessing that answers why he got invited… Oh, grandma!_

Rory felt dizzy; her head spun from all the shouting, growling, pleading… And then one voice got through the fog surrounding her:

“That’s it. Lorelai, I’ve had enough. I’m leaving.”

_Is Luke just about to walk out on mom? God, what’s going on here? Is he…? No!_

“No! Look, Luke, please…” But no use – Luke was too upset, too intent on just getting out, and Rory found herself staring at his back. For a few seconds she contemplated running after him, but as the sounds of her father’s yapping continued she realized that she was needed where she was.

“Dad, shut up! Okay? Now, you’re going to be quiet and listen to me, and you’re going to listen carefully. Now, I don’t know where you’re getting the ‘we’re meant to be together’ crap from, but as far as I’m concerned you can return it there. At once.  
Mom and you had your moments, I admit, and your chances, but that’s in the past. Luke’s here now, he’s mom’s future. **Our** future. You may be my dad and all that, but Luke’s my father figure. He’s the one that’s always there and the one we **want** to be there. He belongs in those pictures, in a way you never can, because he **is** family. He’s the kind of family that continues to be family no matter what. As in ‘it won’t matter if he and mom stay a couple, he’ll still be family’. Okay? You know, like **you** could have been, like you **should** have been, but never had the guts to.  
So stay out, stay away, and for the love of God, go sober up!”

She actually shook with fury, Rory realized, and obviously not even Christopher was able to overlook her anger. He tried to, though, approaching Lorelai, but finally left after getting another angry stare from her as well. As soon as he was out of hearing range Lorelai actually whimpered. It was the sound of a wounded animal, or at least so Rory imagined, the sound of triple hurt: Chris’ stupidity, Luke’s leaving, Emily’s orchestrating the event…

“Mom… Here, come.” She wrapped her arms around her shaking mother, noticing the blankness in her eyes that preceded tears, and tried to think of something, **anything** , to say.

“Lorelai? Do you need a ride back to Stars Hollow?” Finn’s question seemed to do the trick. Lorelai straightened her back and took a step back.

“Thank you, Finn, but no. I’ll go see if I can catch Luke. I need to talk to him, and with a little luck he hasn’t gotten to the car yet.”

“Do you want us to wait, mom? Just in case…”

“No, you stay, have fun. Try to. I… I can call a cab if… Plus, you’re driving back to Yale tonight, right? Stars Hollow is the wrong direction, there’s no need, and I’m sure Luke’s not… I need to hurry.”

“Mom! Just… Just call me, okay? Tomorrow. Or, you know, if you need me? I love you.”

“Love you too, kid.” And with that the elder Lorelai hurried out, leaving her namesake behind, feeling more than a little concerned.

“Do you think she’ll be okay? Maybe we should go after her, just in case? We could always stay in Stars Hollow tonight, or you could take her alone if that feels better. I can probably catch a ride back to Yale with Logan, or, like Lorelai said, catch a cab.” Finn sounded almost as concerned as she felt.

“No, she wants to do this her way. Plus, like she said, maybe Luke hasn’t left yet. We’ll go back to Yale as planned. If she needs me she’ll call. I just need to talk to my grandparents first.”

Finding Emily Gilmore was easy. Keeping her anger contained… Not so much.

“Rory dear, do you know where your mother went off to? I can’t believe her, disappearing like that… I…”

“Grandma? Please be quiet. I’m rather fed up with other people’s complaints right now – I just had to listen to dad screaming and ranting about mom and Luke, and how apparently **you** think that mom and dad are meant to be.”

Emily Gilmore blushed slightly, but quickly started to protest.

“Please. Just… Just stop, okay? I told you, I really don’t want to do this right now. Not again. I’m just so tired. Grandma, do you realize how often I get stuck in the middle? Between mom and dad, between you and mom, grandpa and mom and these last few months between you and grandpa as well. And it’s not a fun place to be.  
I spend so much time trying to make sure you guys don’t explode on each other – trying to keep my family speaking to each other. Do you have **any** idea how much work I have to put into just making sure mom doesn’t shut you out of her life completely? Let me tell you: if I spent it on school I wouldn’t have had to drop a class last year.  
And do you know what the saddest thing is right now? Mom was in a good place, all around, and I felt like she was **this** close to actually burying the hatchet. But now? Now I’m thinking the only place that hatchet’s going to get buried is in your back.”

Emily was looking upset, sad and angry all mixed into one, and Rory felt the need to explain further and (once again) smooth things over.

“Look, grandma, I’ve been watching you all day with grandpa. The two of you looking so happy, so **right** together – it’s been breathtaking. Well, that’s what mom wants. To be that happy, feel that safe and loved. Luke gives her that. Dad never could. Yes, he loved her – maybe he still does. But safety? Happiness? **Dad**? He’s never been able to spend more than 24 hours with me and mom without seriously hurting and disappointing us.  
Luke never does that. To mom Luke is what grandpa is to you. Dad’s been a detour – one she really needs to stay away from in the future. And remember **why** we’re here? That nasty letter you found at great grandma Trix’ place? Remember how that hurt you? Do you really want to make mom hurt the same way? She loves you, as do I, but you need to let her – no, **both of us** – make our own choices. Even if they’re not what you want. Even if they should turn out to be mistakes.  
Now, I’m going to go over to grandpa and say goodbye – I have a monster of a headache coming, and I’d like to get back to Yale while I’m still able to drive. You should enjoy the rest of the evening and remember that I really do love you. Otherwise I wouldn’t be trying.”

She gave her grandmother a heartfelt hug, one that was cautiously returned, and turned to Finn with a raised eyebrow.

“You go ahead, love, I’ll be right behind you.”

Rory wasn’t sure leaving Finn with her grandmother was a good idea, all things considered, but she was just too tired of being the mediator, of trying to smooth things over, and so she just smiled and left. However, when reaching her grandfather she positioned herself so that she could see Emily and Finn clearly. Finn looked as he had most of the evening, like a well-bred charming escort. Emily on the other hand soon blanched and looked like she’d seen a ghost. As Finn left for Rory and Richard Emily’s eyes followed him, her face clearly showing that she was disturbed.

~*~*~*~

“What did you say to my grandmother? She looked positively unraveled.”

“Good. I told her some of the same things that you did, just in a nastier way. Oh, don’t worry; I wasn’t mean or anything like that. I was in fact a perfect gentleman.”

Rory’s left eyebrow rose, almost of its own accord.

“You don’t believe me? Honestly, if it’s something I’ve learned about society it’s that in order to get through to people you have to play the game. And when I want to I’m very good at it.”

Somehow that didn’t surprise her. She’d already noticed, on several occasions, that there was a lot more to Finn than the drunken, womanizing Aussie she’d first taken him for. So why not this too?

“So, what did you say?”

Finn was quiet, and something made Rory turn her head and look at him instead of the road for a few seconds. He looked serious, like he was about to say something important, or something she wouldn’t like, or maybe both.

“Remember the party?”

“The ‘Rory-auction’? Oh yes, never forgetting that. Why?”

“Well, did you notice that none of the people at the sub-party were surprised about the whole affair?”

“That frequent, huh?”

“Yes and no. It’s not exactly usual, but common enough. Normally though the girl’s in on it. And as all the ‘eligible bachelors’ know this… Well, they have certain …expectations.” _Oh. **Those** kinds of expectations. The kind that I really wouldn’t want to be fulfilling._ “And, you being… you, that might not go so well. The guys at the sub-party, they’re all more or less safe, maybe not so suitable for a girl like you, but safe. Some of the others however…”

Finn was clearly searching for the right words, but Rory was starting to see where he was heading.

“Yes?”

“Look, you’ve got pretty good instincts I think, at least you seem to. You picked Colin, who’s the most trustworthy guy in the lot; me, and no matter what I am at least I know how to treat a woman,” _Yeah, he sure does_ “and Seth – even though he didn’t make it to the end – who’s really almost as reliable as Colin. At the same time you refuse all advances from Logan, and have stayed clear of the real jerks. And some of them are more than jerks. Had you gone on a date with one of those guys, well, let’s just say you’d think Logan was Prince Charming afterwards.”

She wanted to ask if he meant the Shrek-version, but something told her this was not the time for flip remarks.

“I’m sure your grandmother didn’t know any of this, but at least four guys at that party were the kind that I wouldn’t want my worst enemy to date. They’ve all got bad reputations; DUI:s, date rape, drugged girls… And they always get away with it. They use their families’ money and influence to make sure of that. If a girl tries to press charges… I’ve seen what happens, and it’s not pretty. I’m not sure Richard and Emily could make things right, should it be you. Of course, your mom and Luke probably would take the law into their own hands if needed, but…”

She got it. She more than got it. She also got why her grandmother had looked the way she did too. In fact, she probably looked the same way herself right then.

“So, I’m guessing this puts an end to any future Rory-auctions. Good. Now, could we change the subject? You know, talk about something a little less likely to make me end up in a ditch?”

And so, for the rest of the ride back, Finn told her hilarious stories about his childhood in Australia.

~*~*~*~

Back at Yale Rory kept Finn talking, while trying to subtly steer him towards his dorm instead of hers – where he’d normally take her. It worked – she had no idea if she’d been that good or if Finn just went along with it. _Maybe he thinks I want to avoid Paris… Maybe **he** wants to avoid Paris. Wouldn’t be too surprising. Then again, he just might understand…_ When they reached his building Finn looked at her inquiringly and Rory gathered up her courage.

“So, any chance of a nightcap?” she asked with a coy smile.

“Of course, love. Coffee, hot cocoa, alcohol?”

“Why don’t you surprise me? Yes, I know, I know. Gilmore Girls don’t do surprises. But why don’t we just let this once be the exception that confirms the rule?”

The surprise drink turned out to be hot cocoa with whipped cream, cognac and chocolate sprinkles. _Tasty, warming and goooooooooooood,_ Rory thought as she licked the last traces from her lips. _Now, how about something… else… of the same sort?_

“Finn? Don’t I get a goodnight kiss?”

“Leaving already, love?”

“No. Do I have to? I was thinking along the line of **lots** of goodnight kisses…” she left the invitation hanging, wondering how he’d react, and tried her best to project “Please ravage me now”.

Apparently she succeeded. 

Finn’s hands were warm, confident and absolutely amazing – just like she remembered them to be. Finn’s lips were soft, intoxicating and he tasted like cocoa, cream and cognac – amazing. Just like she remembered. Finn’s body next to hers was strong, hard and sent her inner flock of butterflies soaring. Rory felt amazing, sexy, _absolutely wanton,_ hot, spinning and sooo ready. She steadied herself against his body and opened her eyes to let them tell him her “yes”, staring into his beautiful blue ones.

_Wait! “Blue”? Finn’s eyes aren’t blue, they’re… Oh my God!_ Rory shrieked mentally, and pulled back quickly. Breathing fast, pulse hammering, eyes wide and panic racing through her entire body she stared at Finn, terrified. He looked back, breathing fast and clearly not understanding at all what had happened. She didn’t want to meet his eyes for long, because of what she could read in them, and instead looked everywhere else.

“Rory, what…?”

“I… I… I’m sorry,” she stuttered.

Then, not trusting herself or her voice any further, she did the only thing she could: she ran. For the second time in less than 24 hours Rory Gilmore went against all Gilmore Girl-rules and ran like the Devil himself was on her heels.


	9. Chapter 9

**Stand By Me**

Forty-five minutes later Rory walked through the door to her dorm, carrying a heavy grocery bag. Besides the “usual” – ice cream, chocolate, red vines etcetera – there was also a bottle of nice white wine. Alcohol was becoming way too usual these days. Normally it wasn’t something she’d include in wallowing or freaking out, for a number of reasons – her age heading the list – but tonight she felt the need to go all out. Luckily she’d run into an older acquaintance who’d taken care of **that** particular part of shopping for her.

Shutting the door behind her she stared grimly at the sight that met her: Doyle was sitting next to Paris on the couch, both seemingly much more interested in relocating to the bedroom than in watching C-span.

“Hey, Doyle? Remember last year, you were raving about the need for integrity at the YDN? You know, in light of all the journalistic scandals? You told me you didn’t want Tobey Maguire playing you in ‘The Movie about the YDN Scandal’, or something like that.”

“Yeah, I remember. Why?” He looked suspicious, and rightly as well. Rory felt her face twist into a feral grin, one that in no way could be mistaken for a smile.

“Well, do you think it would still be Tobey Maguire playing you in ‘The Movie about the YDN Sex Scandal’? Or would it be someone else? ‘In the role as Doyle McMasters, the editor who used the reporters of the prestigious Yale Daily News as sex-toys we see…’ Who? I can only imagine how that would look to future employers.”

On the couch Doyle had turned a “lovely” shade of white and was trembling, whether with fury, shock or fear she didn’t know. Didn’t care either.

“As for me, the brave Rory Gilmore, who unearthed this scandal, I could see Kiera Knightly – if the age thing doesn’t become too much of an issue. Now, as Paris… Who do you think?” she asked her room-mate, who was looking unusually calm.

“Oh, I don’t know. I’m not sure any of those air-headed bimbos out there could do me justice,” Paris drawled, sounding very much like her usual sarcastic self – to someone who knew her as well as Rory did, however, it was **very** obvious that Paris was having fun. Doyle had gone from white to red.

“Fine Gilmore, what do you want?” he snarled, barely able to get the words out through his clenched teeth.

“Oh, nothing much. For starters I want you to stop eating my muffins, my brownies, my candy – well, basically everything containing sugar that’s mine. If you want something, either ask or replace it before I notice it’s gone. But right now I want you to drag your scrawny behind back to your own dorm and let me have Paris to myself. At the moment ‘room-mate-in-need’ trumps ‘editor-in-heat’, okay?”

Doyle’s face became even redder – something Rory had honestly not thought possible. Part of her wished for a camera. He started saying something – not something nice, by the looks of it – but jumped as Paris’ elbow made contact with his ribs. His head snapped to the side, his mouth opened and he was again about to say something when his eyes met Paris’. His mouth audibly snapped shut; he paled again, and turned to Rory.

“Fine. But don’t expect me to cut you any slack in the future,” he muttered.

“You never do, Doyle. Now, say ‘goodnight Paris’ and start moving before I get **really** irritated...” The two said their goodbyes. As the door closed behind their grumpy, muttering editor Paris turned and gave Rory an unreadable **look**.

“Huh. Harsh, Gilmore. True, and definitely enjoyable to watch, but harsh. I’m guessing something didn’t go so well tonight?”

“My dad was an ass, and then I couldn’t sleep with Finn, and… Oh Paris, it’s Jess all over again!” And with that Rory broke down crying, sobbing hysterically, and held on to Paris like the other girl was the only thing standing between her and the end of all things.

~*~*~*~ 

Once Rory’s upset feeling were calmed a bit she slowly backed away. Yes, things between her and Paris were better now than they’d ever been, but that didn’t necessary mean that the other girl would take too kindly to all this sobbing and hugging. This **was** still Paris, after all. To help further calm herself she started unpacking her “supplies”, soon joined by a silent Paris. Together they set up the table for some serious wallowing/soul-searching, poured some too warm but much needed wine and then sat down.

“So. I take it that your night wasn’t what you’d hoped for,” Paris commented in a dry tone.

“Not exactly. First there was the whole confusion-thing where Finn ended up here – and I ended up very much embarrassed. See, when he didn’t show I figured he was running late and decided to go get him. At his place. And when I got there the door was locked – very non-Finn – and the shower was running. And while I’m sure storming in on Finn in the shower isn’t something to be that upset about, well, it wasn’t Finn now was it? ‘Cause, Finn was here.”

“Then…?”

“Oh, you’re going to love this. Colin. After everything that’s happened I run into **Colin** in the shower. In **Finn’s** shower. Acting like it’s an everyday occurrence for me. And to make it even more embarrassing? I stared at him. Practically ate him up with my eyes. Found myself fantasizing about getting in there with him; was in fact only seconds from ripping my clothes off and joining him. And wouldn’t **that** have looked sluttish? And oh yeah, on the very day I was planning to have sex with Finn. In that very apartment too, I might add.”

“Oh.” Paris looked stunned, something Rory would have enjoyed under other circumstances.

“Yeah. ‘Oh’. And then the fun just kept coming. Sure, the ceremony was lovely, and my grandparents were almost nauseatingly happy – just like my mom and Luke. Finn was the perfect date, just making me want to get back here and find out what else he’d be perfect as… Not even the not so discreet hints from Logan about me and Finn, and me and just about anything else, could put a damper on how great everything felt. Until my dad drowned the last functioning part of his brain in alcohol.”

“Let me guess, he doesn’t think your mom has the right to be happy when he’s not?”

“That too, I think. But mostly it’s about him not able to take that she could be happy on her own. Without **him** , ‘cause you know, apparently they’re ‘meant to be’. Which he told Luke quite forcibly. And he just wouldn’t shut up! I mean, yeah, I’m not blind. I’ve seen the way he and mom act about each other, both of them having trouble letting go of being sixteen and in love. Even when they **know** that’s not true anymore, and especially not **right** anymore.  
But I honestly thought mom had let it go now, with how happy she and Luke are. Just as I thought that both dad and grandma would accept that mom has made her choice. Turns out I’m stupid. Mom still lets dad control her – she actually allows his feelings to take precedence over hers – and grandma invited dad tonight just to give him an opportunity to come between mom and Luke.  
And of course Luke got hurt, which led to him storming off without mom. She went to try and find him, but I don’t know how that worked out – she hasn’t called me and she’s not answering her phone. Either of them.  
So then I got to try and make dad see reason, and grandma to back off, and I have no idea how that worked out. Probably not, at least not when it comes to dad – he’s acting like a five-year-old at the moment.” She shook her head and drank some wine, trying to stall a little since she knew that the next part of her story would mark the end of Paris’ silence.

“Then, Finn and I came back to Yale, and went to his place. Where I did my best to let him know where I wanted the evening to end without actually **saying** it – which seemed to work just fine. Until I realized I was ready for sex, but I wasn’t thinking about Finn…”

Rory winced, closed her eyes and braced herself for the outburst she was sure would come any second. When she realized that a minute had passed without a sound from Paris her eyes popped open, and she stared at the other girl. Paris looked almost lost to the world, surrounded by the same “deep in thought, disturb at own risk” air as when solving a particularly tough riddle for class. Still…

“Paris?”

“Yeah. Huh. You really did make a mess of this, didn’t you Gilmore? And I can’t for the life of me figure out how you keep doing this, again and again.”

Rory looked at her hands, not able to meet Paris’ eyes. Yeah, it was a mess, and yeah, it wasn’t the first one she’d found herself in. She never **meant** for things to become so screwed up, honestly, but somehow that never helped. At least she’d managed to deal with Jess. At least the only remaining boy she’d ever kissed was unlikely to show up and complicate things further. Because Tristin Dugray wasn’t about to come knock on her door anytime soon, was he?  
 _God, I hope not. That would be beyond awkward. In fact, I’m pretty sure that’d be the last drop, sending me straight into an institution…And they probably don’t serve coffee there, making it hell and me the eternal resident as no way I’ll be counted as sane while on caffeine withdrawal…Dammit, focus!_

“So… You were saying something about Jess? Please tell me he’s not involved in any other way than the metaphorical one.”

“No, Paris, he’s not. It’s just… Do you remember when I first met Jess?”

“Oh yes. I **was** there for most of it. You were with Dean, but that didn’t stop you from lusting after the bad boy.” Trust Paris to boil it down to that.

“Yeah, okay, I probably wouldn’t have put it exactly like that, but in essential you’re right. I fell for Jess, and then I complicated things by staying with Dean even though I **knew** that I liked Jess and that Jess liked me. Because of some stupid teenage notion that Dean and I were forever. I told my mom that, you know. ‘Dean’s my boyfriend. Dean’s always gonna be my boyfriend’, or something equally moronic. And even when I **knew** that Dean and I were over I stayed with him. Because by then Jess had started dating someone else, and I wasn’t about to leave Dean just to be alone.  
And now I think I’m doing the same thing again. In fact, I’m pretty sure I am. Finn’s great, he’s everything I could ever wish for. And I so don’t want to loose him. But, Paris, I still want– I still can’t…” 

And she started crying again.

~*~*~*~

“You know,” Paris stated once the tears ended, “should you start dating someone ‘appropriate’… Once your grandmother finds out she’ll start planning the wedding. You know she will. I’m actually kinda surprised that she hasn’t gone overboard now, but then again there’s been her own ceremony to fret about. Plus, you and Finn haven’t exactly been official, have you? Hmmm…

But that’s beside the point. Tell me, Rory, can you see that? When you think about you and Finn, do you see that? Hmm, try this. Close your eyes. It’s your wedding day. You’re in your dress, daddy by your side…” 

“Luke!” Rory forcibly interjected.

“Fine, fine, Luke. Stop interfering. Everyone’s ready, and you’re waiting for the church doors to open. Do you see it? Good. Now. Picture the doors opening, and you walking down the aisle. Here’s the $10,000 question: do you see Finn at the other end?”

Rory focused, trying to comply with Paris’ request. Her dress… Something simple, yet elegant. Classy, yet personal. White, but with some color in it. Yeah. She could see that. Sunflowers? Maybe. Or white roses, or maybe both. Luke in a tux, embarrassed but oh so proud, telling her that if “that boy” didn’t treat her right he’d gladly thrash him for her. Her mom, trying to hide her tears while pinching Luke’s butt. Lane arguing about the music…The cake – made by Sookie, of course – tasting of coffee and chocolate. Y _um…Uh, focus!_ The doors opening… The walk down the aisle… And there, at the end…

Rory’s eyes flew open, as did her mouth, and she lost the power to speak or even **think** coherently. She tried, again and again, while Paris patiently watched her. Finally though, Paris’ patience came to an end and she shook Rory softly.

“Rory? Rory! Come on, come back here. So? Do you see him?”

“Yeah, I do… I really do – and I can even see myself married to him. I’d be happy with Finn, I honestly believe, but… When I pictured that wedding… He was there, at the end, but he wasn’t the groom... I tried to force his face onto that figure smiling at me... It kept morphing into someone else.” She halted, and drew breath. _Courage_. “It– It ended up as Colin…” The last came out in a small shaking voice, hardly audible.

Rory looked down for what felt like forever, waiting for an outburst from Paris, but when it never came she looked up again. Paris was staring out into space, a wrinkle between her brows announcing that she was thinking hard, while absent-mindedly twirling her glass. Then she sighed, drained the liquid and reached for her ice cream. Only then did she speak.

“Well then. You know what this means.”

“That I’m completely mental?” It was supposed to come out like a joke, but Rory was unable to make her voice light and amused.

“No, silly. It means you really need to talk to Finn. **Talk** , Rory, as in end things. Tell him that you’ll just have to stay friends. It also means no more trying to sleep with him.”

“Huh?”

“Come on, I know you’re not this stupid. If you were then **I** would have been valedictorian at Chilton and you would have been the girl who got married to Dean just after graduating in the top 98 percent of your class… I know I’m the one who suggested that you’d try having sex with Finn–”

“Yeah, and not two weeks ago at that,” Rory pointed out, sounding a little threatening.

“That’s true, but ‘not two weeks ago’ I had no idea that you felt this strongly about Colin. You didn’t even mention him, and before I knew it you were being picked up by Finn instead. When you finally commented on your date all you said was that ‘he was nice’.”

“He was. Just, he was much more than that as well.”

Paris’ eyes were full of sympathy. She took a moment to spoon up some more ice cream in Rory’s bowl and handed it over before continuing in a soft voice.

“If you feel this strongly about another guy, then it’s not fair to Finn to act like he’s the one you want. You of all people should know where **that** leads, right? Plus, Colin is one of Finn’s best friends – how do you think that would affect things? My guess is that it could hurt him, hurt their friendship, your possible friendship with both of them – and ruin every shot you might have with Colin.”

“What shot? Hello, Colin is taken. He’s with Stephanie, remember?”

“For now. However I’ll be surprised if that’s still the case in a few months.”

Rory’s eyes widened. Was Paris really saying what she seemed to be saying? _Is she suggesting I’ll wait for them to break up and then try again?_

“My suggestion is that you play it cool for a while, just trying to be friends with him – **both** him – and give it some time. How long is up to you. Stop at intervals to evaluate your feelings. If you still feel the same way you keep it up. Until your dead-line - then if they’re still together you get over him. If they break up however… Then it’s just a question of whether or not he feels the same way about you. Which, statistically speaking he probably will.”

Rory felt like her eyes were about to fall out of her head. “Statistically speaking”? What **was** Paris talking about?

“Paris, I… What..? Huh?!?”

“Oh, come **on** Rory! You got **how** many shots with Dean? And Jess? Plus, I know for a fact that it took Tristin years to give up on you – and you didn’t even **date** him. That one didn’t even give up completely after being shipped off to military school. So, when we look at the statistics of your former relationships everything speaks in favor of Colin wanting another chance. **If** he doesn’t stay with Stephanie.”

Rory didn’t really want to argue about this since she had a sneaking suspicion that she’d just end up loosing anyway. Paris may be her friend, and feeling unusually sympathetic right then, but that didn’t change the fact that she **loved** winning an argument. Loved it so much, in fact, that right or wrong sometimes came second. Instead Rory decided to change the subject.

“How do you feel about blue?”

“Blue? Blue, as the color? Or, as in the artist? As in the music, or the mood? Blue what? Try to be a little more specific here, Gilmore.”

“As in your dress. I’m thinking shades of blue, that’ll look good on you as well as on Lane and mom.”

“Huh?”

“Your bridesmaid’s dress, silly.” Rory smiled, loving to make Paris speechless. “I mean, if all of this should miraculously end with me happy, and walking down the aisle, then obviously you’re going to have to be a bridesmaid. I’d have it no other way!  
Plus, not only will you look stunning next to Finn – if I don’t marry him he’s likely to be a groomsman no matter who I marry since he’d look really silly in a blue dress – you’re about the only female alive I trust to make him refrain from sexual innuendos in church!” And with that the two laughed, and hugged.


	10. Chapter 10

  
**Making Mr Right**

 

Talking to Paris had done wonders for Rory’s mood; her internal skies had pretty much cleared. There still were two clouds, however... The first one was the fact that she still hadn't heard from her mom, almost four hours later. Sure, it was quite possible that Lorelai had gotten to Luke in time, and that the two were “making up” right then, but somehow Rory doubted it. It was what she wanted, yet the way the evening had gone she had a bad feeling.  
Also there was the question of Colin... It was all and well to sit inside her cozy dorm with her strange room-mate and giggle about marriage, but honestly. It wasn't exactly... normal, now was it? She felt messed up, and confused, which she immediately confessed to the other girl.

“Confused? About what? And messed up? I thought we agreed that sleeping with Finn right now wasn’t the right way to go? And honestly, while yes, it might make him a little confused at the moment, I’m not so sure it warrants you labeling yourself as ‘messed up’. Explain.”

“Fine. Be a little patient, all right, since this is bound to sound as garbled out loud as it does inside my head. The thing is: I loved Dean. I even thought he was the guy for me. That’s why I slept with him, why I kept seeing him. Not the smartest thing in the universe, granted, but that’s the way I felt. When he dumped me I should have been completely broken. Which I wasn’t. I was in pain, yes, but it didn’t take me that long to move on to being angry. And before the night was over I had a date lined up. Sure, I might not have been too serious about it all – especially not considering the amount of champagne I had drunk – but it was still a date. Or, three dates to be honest.” Rory paused for a second, trying to calm her breathing, and then continued:

“And to top it off I walk away from that date thinking I’m more than halfway in love. Not even a week after being dumped by ‘the guy’. And now, here I am, actually picturing myself spending the rest of my life with that guy. After **one date**!!! While Finn, who’s not only good-looking and charming but also available, gets treated like the consolation prize that gets returned. Am I making any sense here?” she asked.

Paris didn’t answer, however, only looked at her long and hard. After what felt like forever but was probably only a minute or two she sighed.

“Look, Rory, I think I have an idea about this. However I’m not so sure it’s something you want to hear, and I’d rather not make you upset again tonight.”

**This** made Rory’s eyebrows shoot up and practically attach themselves to her hairline. The thing about Paris that everyone learned, sooner or later, was that she tended to be brutally honest – emphasis on the brutal – and never apologized. If you couldn't take what she was saying that was your problem, not hers. And for her to actually **warn** Rory… That meant what she had to say could probably only be labeled extremely harsh and cruel. Or at least feel that way. Still, if Paris felt it was something Rory needed to hear… _“If you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen”. That’s what Sookie usually says. So, do I “get out” or do I stay?_

“Yeah, I’d rather not get upset again either. Still, I’m thinking I should hear you out – what you want to hear and what you need to hear aren’t always the same. Sadly enough.”

“Okay. First, this ‘Mr Right’ thing? You hear a girl going on an on about having met Mr Right, well, once you get over the worst nausea you realize something; chances are that the guy in question is actually ‘Mr Right Now’. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as long as you know the difference.”

Rory nodded slowly. That made a lot of sense.

“And ‘meeting’ Mr Right? Let’s be honest: in all likelihood it’s not about meeting him, it’s about **making** him.”

This, however, didn’t make as much sense.

“See, we all have these criteria, these ideas. Like a wish-list for the perfect guy. He’s supposed to be blond, or athletic, or smart, or any given number of things. Then we meet someone, and no way do they live up to all that. But, since we really like them we start editing. For instance: me and Asher. My wish-list sure as hell didn’t contain ‘grandchildren my age’. But, I thought he could really be the one. So, suddenly the grandchildren were okay. Or, there’s you. I’m pretty sure **your** list didn’t say ‘married’. Still, when you fell for Dean again, suddenly marriage was something you were... well, maybe not okay with, but you could overlook it.” Paris paused for breath, drank some of her wine, and continued:

“So. There we are, looking at a guy that doesn’t live up to half of what we wanted, but still we manage to think ‘He’s the one!’, and actually believe it. It’s not really that we’re fooling ourselves; it’s more that we’re being practical. That guy, the one we create with our lists and wishes, he doesn’t exist. No way. So when we do that editing-thing, then we’re merely adjusting our wishes to reality. Sure, it can be taken way too far, but still. And you know what I really like about this theory? The fact that if you look at it my way then there’s a lot more opportunities out there. If we don’t make it with the first one, well then there are still a couple of more possibilities.”

“You mean, like not ‘The One’ but ‘A One’?”

“In a way, yes. You, however, got a little hung up on the whole ‘Dean’s the one’ train of thought, a long time ago. And that’s part of why you could fall for Colin so quickly. You were so hung up on the thought of you and Dean that you didn’t really see what should have been right in front of you: that you were over almost before you began.”

Rory opened her mouth to protest, but Paris beat her to it.

“I’m not talking about the first time, back at Chilton. Maybe not the second time either. But this summer? Please, Rory. Somewhere inside you **must** have known that it wouldn't last. For one, I can’t see you as a girl who’d just forget about his infidelity. Can you honestly tell me that had Dean not broken up with you now you would have been able to go on, trusting him completely? Never wondering whether he was doing **to** you what he once did **with** you? Never asked yourself if he would **really** have left his wife for you had she not found out on her own?”

Rory swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump in her throat and the threatening tears. Of course she wouldn’t have. She would have tried, but she honestly didn’t think she’d have been successful. Paris was uncovering all her fears and doubts, and it wasn’t pleasant.

“The thing is, Gilmore, you were bored and lonely and feeling like you didn’t belong. Yale turned out to be like Chilton was at first, only worse. School was harder that you expected, as was making new friends. And, while at Chilton you’d get on the bus and go back to your safe little town at the end of the day, here you had to stay. You were less than happy about your situation, and suddenly seeing so much of Dean again awoke your memories.  
The same, I guess, was true for him. Being married wasn’t as romantic and easy as he'd thought, and instead of working a couple of extra hours to have extra spending money suddenly he was juggling three jobs just to pay the bills. This time, the two of you were about memories and discontent.”

Paris stared at her pointedly, daring her to disagree. Rory couldn’t. She’d already told herself this, had already had that epiphany during Thanksgiving. She **had** been less than happy, as had Dean. She **had** been caught up in the memories – blatantly disregarding both the lows of their mutual past and the fact that Dean wasn’t hers anymore. She’d been stupid, extremely so, and no amount of “editing” could change that. So, instead of protesting she nodded.

“Good. I was afraid I’d have to hit you over the head with that one. So. You and Dean spent most of your time ‘together’ apart. And when you managed to find a few free hours everything kept reminding you of how different you really are. Tell me, when was the last time you managed to have some quality alone-time before the break-up?”

Rory searched her brain. There had been so much, with school and work and everything.

“Almost two weeks,” she finally admitted.

“Right, there you have it. Well, part of it anyway. You didn’t exactly have a **working** relationship with Dean, and I’m guessing deep down you knew. But, you being you of course you wouldn’t admit that. And so you traipsed off to your date with Colin thinking you were still protected by your recent break-up.  
I’m thinking you figured that since you ‘loved’ Dean so much you wouldn’t be able to feel for anyone else, wouldn’t need to protect yourself against feelings. When in fact Dean was already more than halfway out of your heart – leaving a spot open for someone else, or in this case Colin. Think about it. Normally you would have some sort of protection, or safeguards, walls up. All in order to make sure you didn’t fall head over heels, even if the guy was worth it. Maybe even **especially** if he was. This time however you didn’t, since you didn’t think you’d need them.  
And that’s not a bad thing, Rory; I honestly don’t think it was. You **needed** to be reminded that life and love are about more than you had with Dean, and that neither of them ended when the two of you did. Now, maybe you really loved Dean – maybe you didn’t. That’s not the point. The point is that at least part of you knew it would never work, and that’s the part that left an opening for Colin.” Paris took another sip of wine, and continued:

“As for Finn. Of course he didn’t get the same opportunity. By the time you went out with him you’d found out you weren’t as protected as you’d thought, and your walls were up. Also, maybe Finn didn’t get under your skin the same way Colin did just because he’s Finn? Yes, I believe you when you tell me he’s a great guy, I do, but is he a great guy **for you**? Or is he a great guy for someone else and a great friend for you? Can you honestly tell me he would have been in your heart and thoughts the same way Colin is if you’d dated him first?”

Rory thought about it. Would he have been? It was hard trying to see a reality that had never been, but after a few minutes she shook her head.

“I’m not sure, Paris, but maybe not. I think that I would have kept dating him then, though, and I would have been happy, but… Something inside me says that while Finn and I really click, the connection I felt with Colin is something completely different. Something more. It’s just… God, when we kissed… The sparks. It was like electricity running through my body, Paris. Everything tingled, like touching a live wire. I’ve never felt anything like it. Colin… It wasn’t… I didn’t feel the same way when Colin kissed me. How can I say he means so much more, claim to be in love when he didn’t make me feel what Finn did?”

“Easy. But answer me this first: what **did** you feel when you kissed Colin?”

Startled Rory realized she hadn’t really taken that into the equation. How could she have missed it? Thinking about what she hadn’t felt was one thing, but to not consider what she had… _Stupid girl_. Rory turned her vision inside. Again she saw everything as on screen, and in a low dreamy voice she answered:

“I felt happy. Warm, content, as if I had no reason to want for anything else – as if nothing else mattered right then and there. I’m pretty sure that half a carnival and Dean could have barged in and I wouldn’t have noticed. It was as if kissing Colin was something I’d done a thousand times before and yet couldn’t wait to do a thousand more.”

“And you’re actually questioning whether ‘sparks’ are more important than that? Honestly Gilmore, I knew you could be naive, but this? This borders on being criminally stupid.”

As usual Paris didn’t mince words. Why should she? This time she was right. Put like that it really **was** stupid.

“Let me tell you something Rory, The best kiss of my life? When Tristin kissed me goodnight after that date you pushed him into. I know it was only on the cheek, but still. The guy I’d been in love with since kindergarten kissed me goodnight after a date. When it comes to feeling great no kiss has ever beaten that one. As for sparks though? That’s a different story.” Paris halted, and then fastened her eyes on Rory’s, looking deadly serious.

“This never leaves this room, got it? Good. The summer before Chilton, little over a year before we first met, there was this guy… Greg. He was Louise’s current stepbrother, three years older than us, and totally obnoxious. I couldn’t stand him – everything about him made me spit nails. Then came Louise’s birthday party, and of course I went.  
After a few hours everyone started playing this game, like hide-and-seek, but ‘with an adult twist’. Meaning there was lots of making out all over the house. I took that as my cue to leave, but on my way out I ran into Greg. He pulled me into a closet and before I got the chance to do more than sputter indignantly at him he kissed me. And God, it was like nothing I’d ever felt. It was my first real kiss, sure, but still…  
It was like what you’re describing with Finn, like electricity. I was sure that had I bothered to look I would have been actually able to see the sparks. He felt it too, I know, and was just as shocked as I was. I still don’t understand it, but I willingly spent an hour in that closet with him, making out. And it got pretty heavy too – if we hadn’t been disturbed by one of the other guests calling a cab there’s no telling where it would have ended. I suspect we’d have had sex though.”

Rory just stared. She would **never** have expected this from Paris. Apparently though, the tale wasn’t quite over yet.

“I practically ran home, and went to bed not understanding a thing – yet still feeling the fire in my blood. The strange thing was I didn’t think I liked him any more than I had before. The next time there was a party at Louise’s I went, without my parents having to push even the slightest, a part of me hoping something would happen. And so I sat there, looking at him, realizing that I still wanted to hit him over the head. Just like before. Only, now I wanted to first hit him, then kiss him, and maybe hit him some more.  
I spent an hour trying to make sense of that. Didn’t succeed, of course, but I kept trying. What I >did manage to do was realize that I would’ve regretted it if I had slept with him, for a horde of reasons, and that if we ended up in that situation again I still wouldn’t let it stop me. So I left.  
Two weeks later my family went away on vacation, and when we returned after a month Greg was gone. Louise’s mom had divorced his dad, and they’d left the state. I’ve never seen him again, and I don’t really want to. But oh, how I sometimes remember those kisses. I might have detested **him** but his kisses were to die for. Still, to me it only proves that sparks aren’t everything. I never felt the same sparks with Jamie, not physically – but mentally and emotionally I did. That’s why nothing held me back with him. Do you get what I’m saying?”

“Yeah.” She did. Finn’s kisses and touch may be electric, but the same spark wasn’t evident in her heart. Colin on the other hand had the same effect on her insides as Finn had on her body… If she had to choose she’d take heart and spirit over body – but with Colin she felt as if she wouldn’t have to. Now, if only there wasn’t pesky “little detail” called Stephanie…  
 _I may have fallen for him, and even admitted it. But no way am I going to make the same mistake as I did with Dean and Lindsay again. Paris is right: if they’re not right for each other, then it’ll show soon enough. I’ll just be patient, wait and see and **if** they break up… Well, then I just might get lucky. If not, well, then at least this way I’ll have a clear conscience._

“Paris? Have I told you how glad I am that we ended up here together? At first I wasn’t sure you know, but I really am glad. However strange it may sound you’ve become one of the most important people in my life, and I’m extremely grateful to have you at times like this.”

She watched with amazement as the blond girl flushed a pretty scarlet, and smiled. Yeah, life was good. No matter what happened with the boys in her life she at least had good friends to help her through.

~*~*~*~

The next morning Rory slept in. She’d cleared her day, due to her plans for Finn, and wasn’t about to let it go to waste. Of course, normally Doyle would be half-harassing her to do some assignment or other no matter what, but her threatening behavior the night before seemed to have cured him of that. For the moment at least – Rory held no illusions. She’d get a few days of Doyle behaving like a decent, considerate editor, but no more than a week. That, she thought, was about as much as he was capable of – it simply wasn’t in his genetic make-up. _Better enjoy it while it lasts, since it probably won’t happen ever again._

With that in mind she’d not only gotten some much-needed sleep, but had also enjoyed a leisurely breakfast with Paris and a long hot shower before tackling the day. The first item on her agenda had been to talk to her mom. Or, as it had turned out, try to. After at least a dozen calls to both Lorelai’s cell and their home phone without success Rory had started to worry. She’d tried Luke – cell, home **and** diner –and then Sookie. No Lorelai.  
Sookie had even gone over to the Crap Shack and looked, plus strong-armed Michel into doing the same at the Inn. No Lorelai, no note, no nothing. Rory was beginning to get **really** worried. As she didn’t think her mom would go to Emily and Richard right then, no matter what, the list of places to call was now frighteningly short – with the hospital at the top.  
She really didn’t want to start making those calls, though, and was putting the task of by doing something almost as important: talking to Finn.

She’d sent him a text message asking if she could come by, and now there she was, staring at the door as if it would lead her into Hell itself. Taking a deep breath and gathering her courage around her like armor she knocked.

~*~*~*~

“So, love, did everything work out with Lorelai and Luke last night?” Finn asked as he poured her a cup of coffee. Rory gratefully grabbed both the hot beverage and the excuse to procrastinate and told him of her futile efforts.

“And now I’m just hoping she’ll call me back before I have to start calling the police and such. Wanna know the scary part? I’m actually hoping she’s in jail. At least if she spent the night in jail, she didn’t spend it with my dad.”

She winced at the thought. Once the prospect of her parents together had been one of her most frequent dreams, but these days it was just a nightmare. Finn looked at her in an understanding way, and just nodded.

“I’m sure she’s fine. Lorelai seems like the kind of woman who’ll manage, whatever happens. However, even though I really did want to know about that, I’m pretty sure you didn’t come here to talk about your mom. Now, I’d hate to appear conceited, but I got the distinct feeling you had a somewhat different ending planned for yesterday?” She closed her eyes, counted to ten and then stepped out on the proverbial ledge:

“About last night… I’m sorry, Finn. I just ran out on you, and that wasn’t right. You deserve better. I just– I couldn’t…” She stopped, took a deep breath and continued:

“Yes. You’re right, I had plans. Exactly the kind you think too. But then I realized I couldn’t. I care about you so much, Finn. You’re a great person, and you make me feel so good. And I really hoped it would go further. But. I don’t love you, not now and not like that. I’m not **in love** either, and to sleep with you then…  
It’s not me. I’m not that girl, and I don’t want to be that girl. Having sex with you without love, hoping that maybe it’ll come, that felt wrong to me. I know that– The circles you frequent are a bit more liberal, so to speak, when it comes to sex, but again, that’s not who I am. I’m really sorry, Finn,” she ended in a half-whisper.

“Love, Rory, no. Why apologize? You’re only being true to yourself, and that is hardly a fault. I can’t deny that I would have liked it had we gotten more intimate, but you’re not the only one that cares. You mean a lot to me, Rory, and I like you for you. And if who you are stops us from being more than friends, well, then I’ll have a great friend. Don’t you see, love? Being with you makes me want to be a better person, more **me** and less the drunken socialite. You have nothing to be sorry for, I promise.” Finn drew her into his arms, and she returned his hug with a much lighter heart. “Does this mean we’ll still be friends then?” she mumbled into his chest.

“Of course. And I’ll have you know I expect you to be my escort when I need one, just as I’ll be yours. Now, would you like a refill?”

They shared a smile.

~*~*~*~

Walking back towards her dorm Rory felt relieved. Things with Finn had gone a thousand times better than she’d dare to hope. Now all she needed was for her mom to call. And just like she’d been granted a wish her phone rang. However, the number didn’t belong to her mom, and Rory answered with a sinking feeling in her stomach.

“Hello, Rory Gilmore speaking.”

~*~*~*~

She ran back through Finn’s door, not bothering to knock, calling his name like a wild-woman. “Finn, Finn! I’ve found her!” And then she started crying.

Through her hysterical sobs she barely picked up Finn telling someone he’d call back, and then his arms were around her, his hand rubbing soothing circles on her back and his calm voice in her ear. When she finally calmed down he led her to the couch and seated her before finding a glass of water and some paper towels. He waited for her to right herself a bit before asking:

“So, you’ve found Lorelai. Is it that bad?” “No, actually it’s not. I just… Oh, I’m so silly, but I’ve been so worried. She called me, just five minutes after I walked out your door. From Vegas, can you believe it? Turns out she didn’t catch up with Luke after all last night.”

“Oh. Did she…?”

“No, luckily not. After much running around – where she tried to find Luke at his place, and he went both to the Crap Shack and back to the party – they ended up finding each other in the street. And apparently all their apologies and making up went great, ‘cause they decided to skip a few steps in the relationship. My mom and Luke got married not an hour ago.” Finn looked a little shocked, yet happy, and then she could finally smile. Her mom was okay. _She’s better than okay, she’s married to Luke!_

“They’ve decided to have a celebration back in Stars Hollow though, a real party with a blessing by the reverend – they’d be dead otherwise! And you’re invited, of course. January 3rd, you’ll come, right?” She turned her Bambi-eyes on him.

“Of course I will, love. I promised you you’d never want for an escort again now didn’t I?”

“Finn? You’re not invited as my escort, even though I’ll be happy to have you. You’re invited as **you**. A day like this is supposed to be celebrated with the people we care about. And that includes you.”

They shared a smile and a look that clearly stated that right then and there, life was **good.**  



	11. Chapter 11

**Morons from Outer Space (Logan’s Run)**

Rory Gilmore was hiding. Correction: she was **trying** to hide. Unfortunately that wasn’t going so well. As was a lot of things in her life then and there.

After “The Talk” with Finn things between them had been almost but not quite alright; strained in that way that relationships on the verge of dying often were. Rory had been sad about it, but not able to complain – after all, **she** had been the one to mess things up. When Finn had left for Christmas vacation with his parents two weeks later Rory had seen him off with a lump in her throat, completely expecting things to be even worse when he returned – if he even did, return to her that was. Part of her had even expected him to back out of Lorelai and Luke’s wedding celebration.

She’d been proven wrong though, and never happier about it. Finn had shown up in Stars Hollow on January 2nd, carrying wedding present as well as Christmas gifts, and had stayed until it was time for both of them to return to Yale. (Lorelai had been at her most devilish and put him up in Luke’s flat, with Jess. Surprisingly enough they had not only survived but also become friendly.) Whatever he’d been doing while away had completely cured him of what had been off, and their relationship had been great ever since.  
At the party Finn had been the perfect escort, again, and Rory had noticed a certain gleam in her grandmother’s eyes more than once. Still, she hadn’t bothered to care. **She** knew, as did Finn, that they were just friends and that was enough. That not even her mother was certain – Lorelai’s whispered “I thought the two of you weren’t dating anymore” had been a sure sign – had been okay. **Everything** was okay with Rory then, simply because things between her and Finn were.

Back at Yale Rory and Finn had kept up pretty much as before “The Talk”, only without the kissing. They still met up for coffee/lunch/dinner/movie night, still hugged frequently and still held hands on occasion… In fact, most of the people around them assumed the two were dating. The fact that they never claimed to be, and denied it when asked outright… Well, such petty details had never stopped gossip before.

However, after about three weeks one of the boys from Emily and Richard’s “Rory-auction” had finally decided that if she wasn’t Finn’s **girlfriend** she was “legal”. Meaning it was OK to ask her out. Since it had been Seth, who was beyond nice and had actually come in at a third place after Colin and Finn, and the occasion had been an interesting literary event she’d agreed. **After** explaining she wasn’t looking for a boyfriend **or** an escort. Seth had understood and been fine with it, and they’d had a good time.  
Rory had even managed to multi-task, and had written a piece for the YDN about the event. Unfortunately word had gotten out, and since then there had been quite a few boys lining up to try and get her to agree to a date. And it had been way too obvious that by “date” they’d meant dinner or a movie and then some casual sex.

_No thanks. If I wouldn’t sleep with Finn, whom I actually **like** , then why would I pick any of those morons?_ Just the day before it had been Robert…

_“Rory Gilmore! Just the girl I was looking for. So, how are you this fine day?” Rory looked up, surprised that someone had gone through the trouble of finding her after all the trouble **she** had been through to not be found. “Robert. A little busy – somehow all my teachers seem to want to punish us for getting a break for Christmas. Other than that I’m fine, though. And you?”_

_She had hoped he’d get the hint and leave her alone, but not Robert. He’d talked for a few minutes about **his** classes, and how to get away with doing as little as possible, and only then gotten to the point. _

_“There’s a party Friday, to celebrate Finn’s birthday. I was hoping you’d go with me.”_

_“Really?”_

_Rory tried to find the right words. Of course she knew about Finn’s birthday party, she’d helped plan it, but she’d actually planned on going solo. Partly because there was no one she’d like to bring, and partly because it felt disrespectful to bring a date to **Finn’s** party. Also, she was kinda hoping to get the opportunity to talk to Colin… Finally there was the simple fact that she really, **really** had no interest in going on any kind of date with Robert. Still, the words wouldn’t come. _

_“Robert, my man! Fancy seeing you here.”_

_Never had the sight of Finn made her feel so relieved before. Rory let out a breath she hadn’t even realized she was holding, felt her body relax and smiled._

_“Yes. In fact I was just trying to talk this lovely lady into allowing me to escort her to your party.”_

_“Surely not?” Finn’s left eyebrow shot up. “Seeing as she’s already agreed to be **my** date, well, it **would** be rather distasteful of you to try and steal the birthday child’s date, wouldn’t it?”_

_Rory sent an apologetic smile Robert’s way and was just about to speak up when the idiot in question beat her to it._

_“Well, Finn, you **do** owe me 40 bucks…” Robert trailed off there, his words having an obvious hint to it. Rory just wasn’t quite able to figure out what the hint was about._

_Finn, however, didn’t have that problem. His body stiffened, suddenly becoming threatening, and his eyes and voice grew cold._

_“I wouldn’t take that line of reasoning any further if I were you, Robert. I don’t take kindly to people calling a woman I care about a prostitute. Especially not someone like you talking to someone like Rory that way. I suggest you apologize to the lady and then get the hell away from here – before I forget the manners my mother taught me.”_

_Robert looked scared and did as Finn had “suggested”, while Rory sat there dazed. Had someone just…? She shook it off. At least Finn had been there to take care of it, since she still wasn’t sure how she would have gotten rid of him on her own._

_“I’m sorry, love. I have no idea what got into him – normally Robert’s a bit better behaved, even though he **is** an ass. I hope you didn’t mind me saying you’d agreed to be my date? I ran into Seth who told me about Robert’s intentions, and decided to go save you. Not that you need much saving, but… Still. Also, I owe you an apology. I really should have gotten around to asking you first – long ago, too – before claiming you’re my date. Forgive me?” _

_“Will you buy me coffee? Then, yes, naturally. And haven’t we already agreed to the date-thing? You need me, or I need you, and we’re available? Then it’s a date. Right?”_

_“Right.”_

Today, however, it was less than likely that Finn would come to the rescue again – he had class and it was an important one. _Isn’t that just typical? Now that I really need him…_ Still, there was nothing to be done about it. And if she was honest about it, while Rory loved the fact that Finn cared enough to be her knight in shining armor she was also enough of a modern woman to be able to slay her own dragons. Metaphorically speaking of course. _Or maybe not as metaphorically, at least not about the “slaying, if he doesn’t get the hint soon…_ She stared at the annoying blond seated across the table, and decided that since tact had apparently not worked the first seven times she’d go for Paris-worthy brutal honesty this time.

“Look, Logan, I’ve tried to be nice, mostly for Finn’s sake, but apparently that’s not working. Now, for the umpteenth time: no. I don’t want to go out on a date with you. I won’t ever want to go out on a date with you. I don’t like your kind of dating, and I really don’t like **you**. Now, why don’t you try someone else? Someone who’s impressed by your money, or attracted to your type, or wants to be either a trophy wife or a one-night-stand – someone, in short, who isn’t me.”

Logan looked angry for a second, then schooled his face into what she figured was supposed to be a pleasing look. She didn’t fall for it, or for the smile that followed. She was, in fact, dead certain she wouldn’t like what came next one bit.

“You want to be a reporter, right?”

“So?” That single word contained a warning sign the size of Texas. Logan, of course, missed it.

“So, it might not be such a bad idea to know the right people, you know – have some connections…” he trailed off suggestively.

“Logan, you better not be suggesting what it sounds like you’re suggesting. First of all, I’m not the kind of person who’d sleep her way to a job. I’ll either make it on my own, by being good, or not at all. Second, if I was the type to prostitute myself for a job as a journalist, why in all the hells would I choose **you**? All you do is get into trouble, annoy your father and try your best to stay as far away from the business as you possibly can until graduating. If I was that girl, wouldn’t I go for someone who actually **matters**? Also: I wouldn’t date you if we were that last two people on Earth. If we were I **might** consent to a sperm donation, to save humanity, but then again I probably wouldn’t. I honestly don’t think I’d like to go down in history as the person responsible for letting your genes live on. You disgust me.”

Rory watched Logan’s face first go completely white, then scarlet, and found she enjoyed the sight. As he stood up to leave she spoke again:

“I’m going to do you an enormous favor: I won’t mention this to Finn. I care too much about him to have him end up in trouble or jail because of you.”

Logan tried to hide it but Rory could see that he got the point. Finn was more than capable of taking care of himself, and if he wanted to beat up Logan then Logan would most likely end up in the hospital. Also there was the fact that Finn’s family had enough money and influence that others would notice if they started snubbing Logan. Might even follow the example, thinking to themselves that where there’s smoke… Still, again, Rory wasn’t about to let others take this fight for her and so she added a final shot:

“Oh, and Logan? You **ever** mention something like this again and I’ll make sure you have ‘sexual harassment’ permanently attached to your forehead. Also, you better hope Finn gets to you before my family does. I’m a Gilmore, a Hayden and an honorary Danes – and none of those are families to be trifled with.”

The ice in her voice got to him, she could see it, and she smiled – a cold, half-feral smile. Rory knew that threat wasn’t empty. Okay, so on her own she might be small fish, but her family wasn’t. Her grandparents could make life hard for the Huntzbergers if they had to, and her dad… Christopher Hayden might be an immature jerk in many ways, but in others he was a full-fledged father. If he found out what Logan had just said… He’d crucify the kid without remorse, regret or second thoughts. (The only thing that’d stop that from happening would be if Luke beat him to it.) And with the Hayden-money behind him now… Yeah, her dad would make Logan pay for harassing his daughter.

Rory watched as Logan walked away, attempting to look cool and unaffected, but looking (to her eyes at least) like nothing but a chastened puppy, tail behind his legs and all. It felt good.

Satisfied that at least **that** moron would be unlikely to bother her again Rory returned to the book she’d been reading, but found that her thoughts just wouldn’t stay on the subject. So, she marked the page, put the book aside, and allowed her thoughts to wander.

Her dad… Christopher had been just as shocked as everyone else to find out that Lorelai and Luke had eloped. Rory knew this for certain, as she’d been the one to deliver the news two days after the fact when he’d called to apologize. Thankfully to him the shock had served as a wake-up call. He’d sent a congratulatory card (with an added apology) and flowers, and had then found himself a counselor. Rory didn’t know exactly what he’d talked about in his sessions, but that wasn’t important: it had worked. What she did know was that Chris had finally gotten through his head that he had to stop seeing Lorelai as the one to run to whenever things got tough – had to stop seeing their teenage love as the answer to everything. Ironically, it was sort of the same conclusion that Rory had arrived to concerning Dean…

Still. For the first time in years Rory felt like she had an uncomplicated, working relationship with her dad. Or was that for the first time ever? It still felt good. How weird was it that her dad was on the “not-a-moron list”? And that he’d been on it when both Finn and Colin hadn’t?

_Speaking about Colin…_ While she and Finn had made up, the Colin-issue was not so good. Rory had taken Paris’ advice and set a dead-line to pursuing her feelings. Also, she’d tried to be friendly with Colin. That hadn’t worked so well. Or at all. Since the **incident** at Finn’s apartment things had been strained whenever the two met, and since the Christmas break Rory hadn’t gotten to talk to him for more than two minutes in a row. In fact, she’d hardly seen him for more than five minutes at a time – unless of course she spotted him having lunch or coffee with Stephanie.  
Because, yeah, apparently those two were still good together. Rory hated to admit to it, knowing that it made her sound bad, but she hadn’t expected the couple to last a month – even less four. And a part of her had expected Colin to realize he’d made a mistake and come back to her. _Because, who’d want a pretty, sexy blond that they share lots with if they could have Rory Gilmore instead? Yeah, right…_ It made her sound about as conceited as she’d accused Logan of being, and she really hated that, but it was what she felt. Apparently it wasn’t what **Colin** felt though.

And, if that wasn’t enough, then there was the fact that Stephanie had decided to take Rory up on her not-that-serious suggestion that they have a movie night. Now, she was one of Stephanie’s “girlfriends”, and it made her skin crawl. Not that the blond wasn’t nice, and even occasionally funny, because she was. And not that she wasn’t Rory’s type, because normally she just might have been exactly the kind of friend Rory looked for.  
But now… Now she was the girlfriend of Rory’s crush, the girlfriend Rory wanted desperately to replace, and that made it hard. Especially since Stephanie was the kind to “share”, meaning Rory now knew more than she’d ever wanted about how Colin had wooed and pursued the other girl, and about how the two spent their time together. Often Rory wished she could just act upon her base instincts and throw the blond out, cursing her name and clawing her eyes out, but no. That just wasn’t how things were done. So instead she smiled, watched another too-girly movie and bit her tongue.

Luckily the blond was out of town for a week, meaning Rory wouldn’t have to meet her at Finn’s party. Also, it meant Rory would probably get out of hearing **all** the details about the couple’s Valentine plans. The second, third and fourth movie night with Stephanie had meant listening to the bubbly blond wondering about Christmas plans and presents, gushing about how great things had been and then rehashing it. The beautiful bracelet she’d sported had hurt Rory’s eyes. Figuratively speaking, of course. The fact that it had sparkled more than anything Rory had ever seen up close (except the jewelery Emily had heaped on her during the Rory-auction) hadn’t mattered. Of course.

~*~*~*~

Finn’s birthday party had been a success. Unless, of course, you were Rory Gilmore – then it almost sucked. Yes, she enjoyed spending time with Finn, she always did, and a great party was a great party, but… Since it **was** Finn’s party he had been surrounded by people all the time. And while Rory didn’t begrudge him that, well, he’d been just about the only one she’d had to talk to. She’d even ended up missing Stephanie, and **that** was a first.

Robert had avoided her, looking almost scared in a way that would have been funny if it hadn’t been for the fact that he apparently had been warning others away too. Logan also avoided her, which sounded great in theory but wasn’t that great in reality. Because where Robert wouldn’t even look at her if avoidable Logan spent a good part of the evening studying her from across the room, as if searching for a way to strike at her without personal consequences. She’d actually been able to feel his eyes on her several times, and it was making her skin crawl. After two hours Rory had resorted to practically hiding with Finn. And finally there was Colin.

Colin had shown up late and alone, and had barely acknowledged her presence. She’d tried to talk to him, more than once, only to have him utter five words at the most and then hurry off somewhere else – somewhere where she wasn’t. He hadn’t looked too happy and she’d soon reached the conclusion that he missed Stephanie.

In the end Rory had been thanking the gods when the Pub’s fire alarm went off due to some unknown reason and the party was cut short. Most of the guests had moved on to other parties and other pubs, while Finn and a small number had gone back to his place. Since one of those few had been Colin she’d tried to excuse herself and go home, but Finn hadn’t allowed it. She, of course, hadn’t been able to deny him – after all, it **was** his birthday.

Still, she hadn’t been in much of a partying mood and so when Finn had asked her to get the back-up memory card for his camera she was more than happy to go. Only to find Colin sitting on Finn’s bed, staring at something at the nightstand.

“Colin?” _Maybe now, away from everyone else, he’ll talk to me? Just for a few minutes. That’s not asking for too much, is it?_

“Rory?”

He was obviously startled, and when she took a step towards the bed he visibly flinched. _Maybe not such a good idea after all_ , she thought, but kept walking until she reached the bed. But when she sat down next to him Colin practically jumped up, stuttered an un-intelligible excuse and almost ran out of the room.

And so, there she was, staring as the bedroom door closed on the back of the guy who’d starred in just about everyone of her daydreams for the past months and feeling like crap. Rory sniffled, fought back some tears and tried to calm herself down. After all, it wasn’t **her** party.  
Looking at the nightstand she spotted a framed photo of her and Finn, taken after a massive snowball fight in the Stars Hollow square, both laughing and looking happy. That helped. So, apparently she wasn’t getting the guy of her dreams? Okay. At least she had Finn, who was a great friend, and he deserved better than to have her hiding out in his bedroom during his birthday celebration. That in mind she stood up, straightened her back, fixed a smile to her face and walked out – memory card in hand.  
However, simply resolve wasn’t cutting it, and Rory soon found herself sipping a Tequila Sunrise in order to keep calm. One became two, two became three, and after five she found herself curled up on Finn’s lap, seeking comfort in his arms. Barely awake she heard people saying their goodbyes, felt Finn stand up and starting to walk somewhere. She snuggled into him, contently, and silently murmured:

“Love you, Finn.”

Then the world became black.


	12. Chapter 12

**Habla con Ella (Talk to Her)**

She felt like shit. No way around it. Shit, pure and simple. Or, well, not so pure. Rory groaned, and then whimpered as her head started pounding even more. She pried one eye open and looked around. She was in Finn’s bed. Her clothes from the night before had been replaced with a large pajama jacket and she was alone. On the nightstand was a huge glass of water, a bottle of pills and a note. She gingerly reached for the pills first, and only when those started to take effect she went for the note.

_Love;  
Out getting you clean clothes and breakfast. There’s coffee in a Thermos outside, why don’t you start with that and a shower. Back soon._

Oh. Coffee. Her stomach protested. OK, no coffee. Shower then. Rory carefully rose, picked up Finn’s bathrobe and a towel obviously left for her, and moved to the shower.

Half an hour later Rory felt a little better. She’d used the old trick of shocking her body into behaving, via a hot/ice cold/hot again shower, and was now able to think about coffee without wanting to throw up. Seeing Finn’s kitchen table she was very happy about this since it held not only fresh coffee but also hang-over food, orange juice and chocolate muffins. She thanked Finn profoundly and then fell upon the food like a hurricane.

Throughout her breakfasting Finn stayed silent, and while this un-Finn like behavior made Rory nervous she was also grateful for it. She knew without a doubt that Finn would want some answers – just as she knew he might not like them. The thought of loosing Finn’s friendship made her sick to her stomach again, and after forcing the food already in her mouth down she faced him with a determined look.

Finn stayed silent for a while longer, taking his time to study her carefully. Finally he seemed to have come to some sort of conclusion, and cocked his head to one side.  
“So. Last night you told me you love me. Did you mean it?”

Rory blushed a furious scarlet. _I did? Oh God!_ Her second reaction though merited a _“Shit!”_. Her reaction was lightning-quick and visceral – it felt like a punch to the gut, and made her consider throwing up. Her mind had actually touched on the possibility of leading Finn in the not-quite-right direction… It made her even more nauseous. _No more lying to Finn, remember? He doesn’t deserve that._ She drew a steadying breath, and tried to brace herself. Just telling the truth. Should be a piece of cake, right? _No._

“Yes! Of course I do. Except... I really love you, Finn, but not like that. Not the kind of love that has anything to do with fancy dates, or electrifying kisses or any of those things, and everything to do with you being you. I just… I can’t close my eyes and see you waiting for me at the other end of the aisle.”

It was a testament to both Finn's intelligence and his knowledge of Rory that his confusion only lasted seconds. He got her meaning soon enough, and nodded. There was a slight shadow in his eyes that pained Rory, yet she knew that to be less than honest now would only end in more pain for the both of them.

“So what you’re saying is that while you love me you’re not **in love** with me, and you probably never will be. At least the chance of that happening is small enough that I shouldn’t be holding my breath waiting for it to happen. Right?”

He looked at her, seemed to read the answer in her eyes but still waited for an answering nod before going on:

“Well then. Look love, I won’t lie to you. I like you, a lot. In fact, I think… I love you too, even if my feelings are a little different than yours. Still, I’m not stupid enough to throw away the very real love and relationship we have just because I can’t have everything I want. You mean too much to me for that.  
Now, I would have loved for us to have worked out. When you broke things off I felt rejected, hurt, even if I wasn’t that far gone. Yet. Because I was on my way to falling completely for you – and if I hadn’t held back I would have had it bad. Part of me wanted to stop seeing you at all afterwards. And a part of me...  
Well, I guess that for a while I was hoping you’d change your mind. That if I gave you time and space you’d see how good we could be together and give me a second chance.”

Rory’s heart almost broke at that. She’d guessed that Finn liked her, had seen the signs, but had tried not to think about it – especially after the “almost-break-up”. After all, she’d been closer than she liked to trying again more than once after having gotten nowhere with Colin. _Yeah, like, oh, not two minutes ago…_

Just because she didn’t like to think of herself as that selfish didn’t make it untrue. She hesitated slightly, then reached out and took his hand in hers – trying to give at least a little comfort. Then she decided that all their hurtful honesty could do with the company of some less painful truths.

“I saw you, Finn. I did. Always. I know how good we are together and I think you’re great. And that’s a huge part of it. You’re worth so much more than I have to give now, and I don’t think I have the right to make you settle for less than you deserve. You **shouldn’t** settle for less than someone who loves you fully. And right now, no matter what you **or** I might wish for, that’s not me. It might never be. Just like you guessed, not five minutes ago. I just want you to be happy.”

Finn sat still, his eyes slightly averted, apparently deep in thought. He still held her hand though, and Rory decided to take that as a good sign. When he finally spoke again the subject was new, yet – at least – equally painful.

“Then, love, in the spirit of all these confessions, feel like telling me what’s wrong? And before you start, don’t even try to tell me there’s nothing wrong. I won’t be lied to, Rory.”

The use of her name only served to bring home the truth: this was it. In a way Finn was giving her an ultimatum: he was willing to be just friends, if that was what she wanted, but only if she was honest. If she lied she’d destroy everything they’d built. He might accept that yes, there was something wrong but she didn’t want to talk about it. Might. Rory really didn’t feel like taking any chances, not when Finn was one of the best things in her life at the moment. Looking at it like that there really were no alternatives.

“Fine. I just... I didn’t want to talk about it, I feel like such an idiot. A bitch-idiot at that. Just, please try not to be angry with me, okay? The last thing I want is to ruin what you and I have. Whatever else is going on here you mean **way** too much to me to ruin over something that’s essentially stupid and unimportant.”

Finn looked at her closely, and then nodded. Rory closed her eyes briefly, and then fixed her gaze at her coffee – not wanting to see the possible anger or hurt in Finn’s eyes as she talked.

“It’s Colin. It all starts with that date he and I went on...”

Talking about it with someone other than Paris felt weird. Talking about it with Finn, who wasn’t only Colin’s friend but also in a way his replacement felt beyond weird. Still, Rory knew she didn’t have much of an option. Finn had clearly stated he wouldn’t accept lies, and he knew her well enough to spot any attempts – especially when she was this unraveled.  
Also it felt good to be able to talk about Colin, about how she felt and how he’d acted. Yes, she had Paris, but then again... It was **Paris**. While Paris was supportive and a great friend – when she chose to – she didn’t know Colin at all. Besides, she was a girl. Finn was Rory’s friend, sure, but he'd known Colin for a lot longer and knew what he was about. He would be able to understand where Rory was coming from – and if he felt she was wrong, well, she hoped he’d tell her.

“It was a great date, and I felt... Comfortable. Relaxed. Not like I was on some stupid almost blind date just to bug my grandparents and my ex-boyfriend, but like I was on a date with someone I liked and who liked me in return. The next day I was all giddy, you know, looking forward to the next date, and really believed that Colin and I could lead to something real.  
And then he showed up and told me he was getting back with Stephanie.  
It felt like a punch in the stomach; you know, you have all these fantasies, these happy scenarios in your head, and then it’s all ripped into pieces. It felt like being broken up with all over again. And all I could do was smile, tell him it was okay and wish him luck. I had no right to do anything else, right?  
Plus, I couldn’t break up another couple. Part of me knows that Dean and Lindsay probably wouldn't have lasted much longer even without my ‘interference’, but... I still feel guilty. And honestly? A huge part of why Dean married her was to move on from me. If he’d done that first then maybe...”

Rory sighed, took a mouthful of her almost-cold coffee and started talking again.

“And then came you. I don’t think you realize how many times I almost called and told you I wasn’t going, that it was a stupid idea and I wasn’t doing it. Every time though I kept remembering how I’d woken up the day after my grandparents’ party and thought the same, only to end up having a great time with Colin. And, since I’d just broken up with Dean there was no way I could have fallen **that** hard for Colin, so naturally there was no real reason for me to not go out with you. And Finn?  
I’ve never regretted going out on that first date with you, nor any of the others. I’ve always had a great time with you, because you’re **you** , and I’m grateful that I got the chance to spend all this time with you. And it’s not like I saw you as a replacement for Colin. When I spent time with you I spent time with **you** , and everything that happened between us happened because I like you. I’ve never thought about Colin when we were together – please say you believe me?”

She looked up quickly and saw Finn nod. She smiled, grateful that at least **that** nightmare wouldn't be coming true, and looked down again. Now to the hard part.

“I though I was over him, I really did, that it was a silly crush that want away just as quickly as it came. And then it hit me like a cold shower.” _And that’s way too close to the truth. I don’t think I’ll be telling Finn anytime soon – or at all – that I wanted to ravage his friend in **his** apartment when about to go on a date with him... Don't think that’d go over too well._

“Remember my grandparents’ vow renewal? We had that mix-up about where we were supposed to meet? Well, I went to your place, and ran into Colin. I was just so stressed out, and didn’t think about it then, but at the end of the night it hit me. I still felt the same way about Colin. And that’s why I ran. I just couldn’t stay and do what I had planned when I’d just realized I was in love with someone else. So instead I went back to the dorm and talked about it with Paris.  
And I’m sorry, Finn, I really am, but she made me face the truth: that while I had feelings for you as well they weren’t as strong as the ones for Colin. If it had been you from the beginning... I don’t know. Maybe things had been different then. But that’s not the point. And by now, neither is Colin. I’ve given up. He’s not interested in me, that much is clear. He won’t even talk to me if he can avoid it.”

Rory swallowed, as silently as she could manage, steeled herself for what might come and met Finn's gaze. He looked calm and she couldn’t read him at all. They sat in silence for several minutes as Finn apparently processed what he’d just learned. When he finally spoke Rory would have been grateful for even an angry, yelling and feeling-betrayed Finn – anything to end the silence. What she got was far from.

“So, you’re saying you fell for one of my best friends? And that he’s the reason you and I aren’t together now?”

“Yes. At least yes, I fell for Colin. As for us... I can’t say for sure, now can I? What I know is that it didn’t feel right to go for a relationship with you if I felt that strongly about someone else, that I didn’t want to use you. But I don't know what would have been if not for him.”

Finn’s face and voice grew serious, and Rory knew from experience that it wouldn’t do to ignore what was to come.

“If you really feel so strongly for Colin... Just, don't give up because of me, okay? Promise me that Rory. I refuse to be the reason that two of the most important people in the world to me aren’t as happy as they could be.”

Rory’s surprise must have been visible, with her feeling like her jaw was resting on the table. _He’s telling me he’d be okay with me and Colin? Huh. Not that it’s really an option, but still... That takes gut. Also, it really proves that he does love me._ Rory shook her head slightly, yet smiled, feeling good for the first time since starting their talk, and gave Finn’s hand a light caress. He gave an answering smile that then was replaced by a grimmer look.

“Also, I need to come clean too. There are a few things you don’t know, and I need to tell you. I owe you, in a way, because I... Wait. Maybe I should start from the beginning. What do you know about the two of them?”

“Not that much. Colin told me they’d been an item before you guys went sailing, and that he might love her. Stephanie’s told me a few things, but that’s mostly about things they’ve done – you know, dates and such – and presents he’s given her. I try not to listen too much when she talks about him – it really wouldn’t look good on my resume to have spent jail time for attacking a fellow student. Not even if I wanted to work for Logan’s family,” she added a bit waspishly.

Finn laughed, shortly and quietly, but at least it was a real laugh.

“From the beginning then. When she moved here after her wedding Lorna, Steph’s mom, didn’t exactly have any friends in the area. Didn’t take too long to rectify, though, and about a month later she and Colin’s mom Marie were the best of friends. ‘Like two peas in a pod’, you know. So when Lorna found out she was pregnant she and Marie joked about how close their kids were going to be – Colin was just a couple of months old then – and how cute it would be if Lorna had a girl and the two ended up married.  
Colin and Steph played together a lot, up until Colin was seven or eight, and they both heard those stories a few times. Colin didn’t think much about it though, what guy would? At that age, half of us still believe in girl cooties.”

Rory smiled. It was such a silly, Finn-ish comment, designed only to get that smile. Still, it worked.

“After that though Colin didn’t see much of Steph, once or twice a year, tops, and then not at all. And then, two years ago, the three of us went to Martha’s Vineyard for a weekend – staying at the Huntzbergers’ place. Steph was there as well, and she and Colin ran into each other. Colin hadn’t seen her since her fourteenth birthday, and well, Steph at eighteen was a lot different than Steph at fourteen.

Rory could imagine. Everyone changed at that age, some more than others.

“During that weekend they spent practically all their time together, and once we left Colin kept talking about how he’d never met a girl who understood him so well before. They’d exchanged e-mail addresses and such, and kept in touch – often several times a day. Didn’t take them long to become an item; him visiting her, her coming here…”

“Then why didn’t they become a couple? Sound like they should have been, but Colin said they weren’t, not really.”

“What you need to realize is that Logan’s not the only one in this crowd who has commitment issues. Most do, actually, to some degree. For Logan it’s about pissing his dad off, mostly. It’s basically dad-issues with Colin as well, except totally different.  
His parents got divorced when he was thirteen. He got his first step mom less than six months later. By now he’s had another four – and then there’s the five engagements that were broken off before the wedding planning even really started, the girlfriends, the mistresses…  
Colin doesn’t talk about it anymore, but it bugged him a lot when we were younger. He doesn’t want to end up like that – he wants his relationships to be real. And since he’s so unsure about what’s real and what’s not…”

Finn shrugged, not exactly knowing how to phrase it. Rory got the picture though.

“He didn’t know what to think about him and Steph, and refused to label what they had. Steph didn’t like it; any idiot could see that – anyone except Colin who was head over heels for her. Still, she did tell him it was okay, that she didn’t need those labels and descriptions, that all she needed was him and the fun they had together. So I guess we can’t really blame him for believing her.” Finn shook his head.

“Then Logan and I decided to take some time off and go sailing. We tried talking Colin into coming along, but he refused. Said he didn’t want to miss a year of school. The fact that Steph was starting Yale that fall… Well, he never said it had anything to do with that or with her, but we always thought so. After all, they’d been pretty much inseparable for six, seven months and finally he’d be able to see her every day instead of only in the weekends and not always then either. So we left.  
Two week later we pulled into port and were met by Colin. He just said he’d changed his mind, and that was it. We figured they were over, but he didn’t talk about it at all – not even when Logan pestered him. Then, to everyone’s surprise, after about three months Steph showed up for a visit. Turned out she’d been writing to him the whole time, and that he’d written back. I gave up trying to understand then.”

Finn shook his head, as if he had a hard time believing the words coming out of his mouth.

“They kept seeing each other when we came back, only more casually than before. Colin acted like there was nothing wrong, until that LDB-event, the one you covered. That’s when I found out a part of the truth. See, it turned out Steph’s mom had kept talking about how cute it would be if the two of them became a real couple. And Steph, well she kind of got into that way of thinking too. And after we’d left Colin overheard Steph talking to some friends about them and got spooked.  
Steph saw what they were doing as allowing him to think he still had his freedom, right up until he pulled out an engagement ring – which she fully expected before his graduation. So he freaked, and left. His feelings hadn’t changed though, and when Steph wrote and visited, well, he thought she was okay with it. Only to come back and find out that maybe not so much. Before he left they were exclusive, even if they pretended not to be a ‘real’ couple, and he figured they’d still be. He even started thinking about the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing – and approached her about it that weekend.  
And well, let’s just say that he wasn’t too happy to find out Steph had a date for the event **and** that she wanted them to be over. He was pretty inconsistent that night, not only drunk but also really upset, going back and forth between wanting her back and wishing he’d never gotten involved in the first place. There was something about him suspecting that his feelings of never having met someone who understood him so well being completely false as well. And then, shortly after that… You came along.”

Rory nodded. It was a lot to take in, but she thought she was following Finn well enough. It explained a lot, but still…

“He still went back to her, though. To me that’s rather telling.”

“Oh, Rory… Love, I’m sorry but I think this is where it’s **my** time to confess. See, I think part of why they’re back together is my fault.”

**That** got her attention all right. Rory sat up a little straighter, felt her eyes narrow and her heart starting to beat faster. _What…?_

“What do you mean? How could any of this be your fault?” _He couldn’t have tried to sabotage anything, could he? I mean, so he likes me **now** , but not then surely?_

“When you and Colin were on that date of yours I was finishing up an assignment with some of my classmates. Then we headed out to the pub. The next morning, way too early, I was woken up – rather rudely too – by Steph. She’d used my spare key to get inside and wasn’t in the mood for waiting until I woke up on my own. I wasn’t too coherent at the time though, still not exactly sober – I’d only gotten something like four hours of sleep – and I guess my brain wasn’t properly attached.”

Rory raised an eyebrow and waited. This would be either very good or very bad.

“So when Steph started ranting about why the hell Colin was kissing you… Gah, I feel like an idiot. I told her about that little contest of yours, and how Colin had won. She was still fuming though, and I told her she had no right – after all, she’d been the one to tell Colin to move on. He’d only done what she’d asked, and it wasn’t like he’d have done it otherwise.  
After all, as far as I knew he was still in love with her and sad about them being over. And then, just like that, she was out of here. I didn’t think much about it, I just went back to sleep. When I woke up, well, Steph’s erratic behavior wasn’t exactly on the top of my list. It’s not like I’m used to people acting rationally, you know? It more or less slipped my mind, right up until Colin called.”

“I haven’t heard him sounding like that in… Well, a long time. He was going on about how great you were, how much fun he’d had, about this great second date he’d planned for the two of you, and how maybe Steph ending things was the best thing that could have happened to him – since it had meant giving him a shot with you. And that’s when I started getting a bad feeling. Steph’s visit, her behavior…  
I was just about to tell him everything when he told me he seemed to have a visitor and hung up. Then his phone was off until he called me a few hours later and told me he and Steph were back together, for real this time, and did I have a pen to write down your number?” Finn sighed.

“I feel a bit guilty. Had I been a good friend I would have taken the time to question what was happening, asked him if this was really what he wanted. Told him to wait a while, reminded him about what he’d said about him and Steph and about you… You know, anything.  
Instead I was selfish and jumped at the opportunity to take you out. At first I never thought I’d have a shot, and then you said I came in second and well… I thought you might have fallen for Logan’s considerate act and chosen him, which would have meant you’d dump him faster that even he normally manages, and I’d have my turn. Except, you were smart. You picked Colin. And I knew that even if I supported that decision it meant my chances were back to practically none. So I didn’t think, and I failed two people I care deeply about as a result.”

“Finn, no! Whatever happened wasn’t your fault. Colin’s an adult; he gets to take responsibility for his own actions. So do I. We made our own choices – all you did was let us, and try to have some fun of your own. Making me feel really good in the process! So no more blaming yourself, because I won’t have it.”

“Okay. But I still feel you shouldn’t let any of this stand in the way of your happiness. If you think Colin’s what will make you happy, then you shouldn’t–”

“No. He’s made his choice. He’s with Stephanie. And while I might wish it differently– I’m not going there again. Not after Dean. I’ve just gotten to the point where I’m able to think about Lindsay without feeling like what Jackson feeds his vegetables, no way am I placing myself in that position again. No way. I decided to wait them out for a little while, thinking that maybe they wouldn’t work out this time either, but that time’s passed now.” _Or, it will have, next week. Still, no use being so picky._ “It’s not happening. End of story.”

“But…”

“No. I don’t want to hear about it again. Well, with one exception,” she said a bit embarrassed.

“That second date he was talking about? You wouldn’t happen to know what it was, would you?”

Finn looked at her, clearly not quite believing what he heard. Then:

“You mean you didn’t figure it out? It was the barista class. He offered it to me instead, since it was already booked and he thought you’d love it.”

And the thought went like a shock through Rory’s system: _He really did care. He really cared about me, and maybe we really could have worked out. Maybe I wasn’t such an idiot after all. Thank you, Colin._


	13. Chapter 13

**The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe**

It was February 14th, Valentine’s Day, and Rory was stuck searching the YDN archive. Of course, she could have said no. It wasn’t her job – she wasn’t the one needing the file, and it wasn’t her who’d get into trouble for not having checked it. Only, if not her it would be Paris. Paris would be the one in trouble, the one who’d not have to time to prepare for her date – who might even miss it all together. Paris had been desperate, and seeing as Paris had been a great friend these past months **and** unlike Rory had a date…

Rory had offered, not even thinking until later about how the other girl’s temper made this the safest route. She’d just wanted to help out her friend. After all, it wasn’t as if she’d had anything better to do.

It wasn’t that she hadn’t been asked out – because she had, and by more than one person. Only she hadn’t wanted to go. She’d wanted to be alone with her misery, wallowing in the fact that this was when her dead-line was, when her hopes of a second chance with Colin would be declared officially dead. So she’d turned every guy down with a slightly more diplomatic – or so she hoped – version of “Over my dead body, and probably not even then”. She’d even turned down Finn. He’d offered to spend the evening with her, or to take her as his “plus one” to the party he was attending. She’d been a lot nicer about it with him though, but the end-message was the same. “No”.

For a while she’d even given thought to a visit home, but she’d dropped that after all of ten seconds. It **was** her mom’s and Luke’s first Valentine as a married couple, even as a couple at all, and she really didn’t want to butt in. So, Yale it was, and the YDN’s archive it also was. She sighed, and switched to the next file cabinet.

After going through every possible drawer, and about half of the not so possible ones, Rory was less than happy with her decision to help out. She’d figured it for an easy job; go there, open the right drawer in the right file cabinet and presto! file found and job done. Not so. Apparently the last person to handle the file in question was of the sloppy kind. _Why_ , Rory growled internally, _why did it have to be so unbelievably impossible? Take file. Read file. Replace file. 1, 2, 3; a, b, c. Right? Well, no, obviously not._

She heard the door to the archive open, but didn’t bother to turn and look. Only a very few keys existed, and that meant there was a limited number of possibilities behind her.

“Paris, is that you? ‘Cause, I have to tell you, whoever had this file last? You’re going to want to eviscerate him – or her.”

When she didn’t get an answer, except for the door closing again loudly, she **did** turn around though. What she saw made her very nervous.

By the door was a man, or at least a man-shaped figure, with a blindfold and a pair of earmuffs. **Not** Paris. Then the person reached up and removed first earmuffs, then blindfold. The words on Rory’s tongue died away, with her voice. _Colin…_

“Rory? What are you doing here? And,” he looked around, “where exactly **is** here?”

“This is the YDN archive, Colin. I was looking for a file. And I think I should be the one asking that question.”

Her voice was back, thankfully, and Rory was grateful to see she managed to hold all frustration, all anger, all longing out of it. But oh, it was hard…

“Right. Obviously. I was going to a party with Finn, and he told me I had to be blindfolded and such. I just figured, you know, with how we took you to that event…” His voice died away.

“ **Finn**? Then where is he?”

They both stared at the door. Colin was closest, and so he was the one to cautiously push it open. Or try to, because the door would not budge.

“You need a key. Wait, let me try.” But the key didn’t work either. Or rather it worked alright, but the door was stuck. As if something – or some **one** – was blocking it from the other side. Rory’s eyes narrowed. She was **so** going to get him…

“It’s stuck. Now, could you check if you can get a signal on your cell? I’d do it myself, but mine’s back at the dorm – low battery.”

Colin looked a bit uncomfortable and embarrassed.

“I don’t have it on me. Finn said I wasn’t allowed to, seeing as it’s got a camera. Does the door often get stuck like that? Will it take long for someone to come find us?”

“It’s never done this before,” Rory said with more than a little venom in her voice.

“But I’m thinking we won’t be in here for too long.” At Colin’s questioning look she expanded:

“It’s not so much stuck as blocked. Someone’s barricaded it from the outside. And I’m thinking we both know who.”

Colin looked so surprised at this she almost laughed. Almost, because there honestly wasn’t enough fun to be had in the situation.

“Finn, really? But **why**? Why would he lock me in here with **you**? And how did he know you’d be here?”

“Finn and Paris. As to why, well your guess is as good as mine, because those two are seriously bent.”

Only, Rory wasn’t exactly truthful, and she knew it. She didn’t have to guess why her room-mate and her friend would do this – they both felt she should give Colin another go.

“Rory? I didn’t see it before, but there’s a letter pinned to my jacket.” And before she could stop him he open it and started reading.

~*~*~*~

“Dear Colin and Rory;  
The two of you are acting like idiots. Now, talk things through, or we won’t let you out. We’re tired of dealing with your stupidity.  
Paris and Finn”

“Huh? Sound like you’re right. They’re bent.”

Only, Colin didn’t really sound like he believed his own words.

Rory could feel her seldom activated temper start flaring. She did her best at keeping it locked down – after all, nothing good could come from lashing out at Colin. Right? It wasn’t his fault they were stuck here at the mercy of their crazy friends. So, be calm, cool, collected. Breathe in, breathe out. It was working. _Except…_

“Did you seriously ask why Finn would lock you in here with **me**? Not so much as why at all but why me?” _Oh, yeah. And there went calm and cool. Now, please let me keep “collected”, please._

“Yeah?”

Something in her face or posture must have warned Colin, because he immediately started trying to cover up his mistake – even though it was obvious he had no real idea what that mistake had been.

“It’s just, well Finn’s normally so protective of you, and really jealous of you and other guys. Apart from that pity date with Seth he’s practically ripped every guy who’s even looked at you to pieces.”

A small part of Rory was just feminine enough to purr appreciatively at the thought that Finn protected her like that. The rest of her, though, was pure Lorelai Gilmore, and that part was **not** purring.

“First of all, Seth was **not** a pity date. He’s a very sweet guy who unlike so many others never treats me like piece of meat. Second, if Finn’s been upset with guys it hasn’t been for **looking** at me.”

“But, Robert said– And then Logan stopped–”

“Yeah, well, if **that** is where you’re getting your information from I really have to re-evaluate your intelligence. Both of those bastards made some serious mistakes, and Finn’s not the only one who’d consider ripping them apart. But that’s not the point. And third, it’s not like Finn **owns** me. He looks out for me, yeah, but that’s what you do when you care about people.”

“But, but…”

“Oh, for goodness’ sake!” Rory felt her grip on “collected” slip even further. “It’s not like I’m his property, or wife or something. I’m not even his girlfriend for Pete’s sake!”

Colin looked like she’d hit him with a two-by-four. So her outburst was a little uncharacteristic, but it wasn’t **that** bad was it?

“You’re… You’re not? But I thought, I mean– Everyone thinks so. He has a picture of you two beside his bed. And I heard you; you told him you loved him!”

“Yeah, well, make that everyone but me and Finn. They’re wrong, Colin. Yes, we dated and all that, but that’s in the past. We’re just friends. Which doesn’t stop me from loving him or him from having a picture from a very special occasion by his bed.”

She saw him open his mouth as if to protest even more, and moved to stop him. She really didn’t want to do this tennis-style “but”-thing any more.

“Colin. Listen to me. Finn and I have been nothing but friends since before Christmas. And I should know, alright?”

He just nodded. He looked a bit dazed and confused, but hey, who wouldn’t under the circumstances? Right?

“And speaking of which, were you going to a party as **Finn’s** date? What about Stephanie?”

“What about Steph?” _God, he looks and sounds like a regular one-brain cell-man… And **I liked** him? For his **brains**?_ “Well, shouldn’t you have been with her? Won’t she miss you?”

“No, why?”

“Why? Are you honestly this dense?” _Okay, so I can kiss “collected” goodbye._ “Yes, why on earth would anyone expect you to spend Valentine’s Day with your girlfriend?”

“What?! We, I… She’s not, we broke up.”

And that did it. The rage that took over Rory reminded her of that one time in her first month at Chilton, when she’d exploded in class after being denied to take a test for being late. At some time in the future, she was sure, she’d find it amusing she reacted like this in defense of Stephanie whom she truly didn’t like that much, and because Colin had did what she had wanted for so long. Ironic, yes. Logical? Not so much. But logic no longer had any place in her rapidly decreasing universe.

“You **broke up** with her? You dumped her, just in time for **Valentine’s Day**? You bastard, you pig, you insensitive brute! People like you could actually drive a girl to becoming a lesbian! I should…”

“Rory, Rory! What are you talking about? I didn’t dump her for Valentine’s Day. I…”

“So you’re trying to say she dumped you?” Rory didn’t believe that for a second, and her voice clearly indicated so.

“No, I broke up with her. You’ve got that right. But that was in November, Rory.” And like a balloon poked with a needle Rory’s rage deflated. _They broke up in November? But…_

“What about the two of you meeting up all the time? What about the birthday present you got her?” Because Rory knew that you didn’t give your ex something that expensive, didn’t she?

“I’ve known Steph since she was born. We’ve been close. And so yeah, when we broke up I didn’t return the gift I’d gotten her. It was for her twentieth birthday, and I was still invited to the party, and for Christmas. Sure, it might have been a bit much, but I found it in Amsterdam, and I knew she’d love it, so…”

“Oh. So you broke up months ago? I just… I don’t understand.”

“When she wanted to try again, I just couldn’t say no. I’d wanted it for so long, spent so much time and energy trying to talk her into it. And then to say ‘no thanks, I think I’ll go ahead and try someone else’… That just felt cruel. I couldn’t just be a quitter Rory, I couldn’t. Except in the end it turned out that would have been the smart thing. Steph and I, well, too much had happened. And I– I couldn’t quite forget how **right** it felt to be with you” he finished in an almost whisper.

Her head flew up at that, the motion making her feel even dizzier that his words already did. He’d…? _He thought of me? It wasn’t all just in my head?_

“Then, when I finally got my head straightened out you were with Finn. And you seemed so happy, I **knew** he was, and I’d blown it, hadn’t I? I was first in line but stepped aside, and the next guy was smarter than I. If it had been anyone else, then I might have said something, but it being Finn… I couldn’t be that selfish.” Colin shook his head.

“Except, now I find out you haven’t been together like that all this time, and Finn doing this, telling us we’re stupid and need to talk. Add your reactions to that… Rory, did you feel something to? Do you still? Do you have it in you to give me another chance?”

Colin looked so nervous, like he’d placed his heart and soul in front of her feet and didn’t know if she’d break them, sidestep them or pick them up. She didn’t know either. Yes, she’d wanted this. But, to be honest? When had she ever seen a second chance work out? She and Dean hadn’t. Her parents hadn’t. Her mom and Max Medina sure hadn’t. Colin and Stephanie hadn’t.  
 _But Luke and mom did_ , her inner voice added, hopeful. Only to be squished by a _“Yeah, so far”_. That didn’t stop her heart from fluttering in her chest though. And she was suddenly more confused than she’d been in a very long time. If she **did** give Colin that second chance, how was she to know he wouldn’t take it, change his mind and go back to Stephanie – again?

“Rory?” Colin’s voice wavered, and was followed by the creaking sound of the door being opened.

~*~*~*~

Rory woke up, feeling disorientated and wrung out. Her neck hurt, as did her shoulder, and she was definitely not in her bed. She focused a bit – at least she was still wearing clothes – and then opened her eyes. She was on the couch. And seeing as the TV was on she’d apparently fallen asleep watching a movie. As to why she was awake… Ah, yes, **that**. The shrill sound of her cell reminded her. She got off the couch, only growling a bit, and stumbled over to the offending object.

“Hello?”

“Rory? Good morning! I didn’t wake you, did I?” Stephanie’s voice was **way** too loud and bubbly and simply **annoying** for a barely awake and aching Gilmore Girl. Especially now.

“Well, I…”

“Good! I was a bit worried, but then I remembered you didn’t have any plans for yesterday so I figured it’d be okay. I just couldn’t wait; I just had to talk to you!”

Rory sighed. Apparently Stephanie was in her tank mode – meaning she went straight ahead as if in an armored vehicle and right over everything that didn’t get out of her way – and wouldn’t take a hint. Former experience told her that it would be easier and faster – and give her less of a headache – to just play along. So she prepared herself for spending the next five minutes or so doing the phone equivalent of nodding her way through a conversation.

“Really? What happened? Nothing bad, I hope.”

“Oh, no. I just had the **greatest** Valentine’s Day! To be honest things with Colin and I have been… a little rocky lately, and so we’d decided to spend a few days apart and think. But, turns out he couldn’t stay away. He showed up here last night with champagne and roses and simply wouldn’t take no for an answer.  
He didn’t want to be apart for Valentine’s, he said, not for the day that’s meant for people like us. And when he put it like that… Well, I just couldn’t turn him away. So I called the party I was going to and canceled and we ended up spending the entire evening here instead. He didn’t even want to share me enough with others to go out for dinner – we just ordered take-out instead.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Anyway, I gotta get back to bed before he wakes up and realizes I’m not there – the poor dear never could take that – but I just wanted to talk to someone, I’m so happy! And I just **knew** you’d be just as happy for me!”

“Of course. You go back to bed – I’ll go make some coffee. Bye now.” And Rory hung up, not believing the other girl hadn’t heard the anger and well, disgust in her voice.

She put the phone down, walked over to the coffee-maker and started the calming process of preparing her cure-all. As she did so she heard movement from the couch and steps closing in behind her.

“That was a short conversation. Neither your mom nor Paris then, I assume.”

“No, actually it was Stephanie. She was all bubbly about having a boy in her bed” Rory said with only a hint of the acid inside.

“Oh? Really? Who was it – anyone I know?”

“I’d say so,” Rory said as she turned around and looked into the eyes of the boy that had spent the night with her and whose arms were around her waist.

“Strangely enough, apparently it was you.”

~*~*~*~

_~ Flashback (Valentine’s Day) ~_

_Rory looked at Colin, seeing his insecurity and what looked like longing. Did she want to give him a second chance? Did she **dare** to? Then she looked towards the now-open door where Finn stood, obviously unsure if he’d come at a bad time. She could leave now. The door wasn’t blocked anymore, she wasn’t stuck in here anymore, and she had a feeling that Colin would never touch the subject again if she left now. So, what was she to do?_

_“Rory, please. Just, could we talk some more about this? Just talk, I promise. I could, I don’t know, take you to dinner, or coffee or something and we could talk. Just please don’t run from me because I’ve been an idiot.”_

_And she could feel a dark, ugly laughter starting to bubble up in her throat. Don’t run? She was a Gilmore Girl, running was what she did. Wasn’t it? Who was she to break tradition?_

_“Rory, love, please. I’m begging you too. You need this, both of you. This, whatever it is, it’s breaking both of you down. Just, please?”_

_She didn’t answer Finn either; instead she looked deep inside. She was Lorelai Leigh Gilmore all right. The third by that name, and her mother’s daughter. But was she **too much** Lorelai’s daughter? Should she maybe try to be a little more Lorelai’s great granddaughter? Because, while she could easily picture her mother running like the devil himself was after her in a situation like this – had seen something like it too many times to count – she simply couldn’t see Lorelai “Trix” Gilmore do the same. No, that formidable lady would probably have done the exact opposite._

_And so she looked up, completely avoiding Finn, focusing solely on Colin. She looked him straight in the eyes, as if trying to find the truth – or at least an answer - there. After what felt like forever she spoke._

_“Dinner, you said? Could we make that take-out? I’m really not in the mood for a restaurant full of sappy idiots.”_

_She heard twin sighs of relief, but still only focused on Colin who, to her relief, nodded. Then Finn spoke up again._

_“You could go straight to the dorm. There’s food there – Paris has it covered, she figured you’d rather not be bothered after everything.”_

_“She didn’t really want that file did she? Well, not that I care either way right now, but I’m hoping I’m right – otherwise she gets to go here herself.”_

_Finn just nodded, and walked out. As Rory locked the door behind her he looked at her again, hugged her and whispered into her ear:_

_“I’m sorry about all this, love, I really am, but something had to be done. You were miserable – both of you.”_

_She nodded, smiled and saw him walk away – obviously relieved. When he was out of sight she sighed and shook her head._

_“That Finn. He’s got a good heart, I’ll give him that, but he’s… Well, a bit heavy-handed? And to plot with Paris? She’s about the one person who’s even less subtle than he is.”_

_They’d walked back to the dorm in relative silence, only exchanging non-relevant nonsense, and Rory privately noted that walking through the door to her dorm had never felt so relieving before. Yes, they needed to talk and yet had done everything but, but their conversation was not one they wanted overheard in any part._

_She’d known from Finn’s words that Paris had arranged for something, but she had in no way been prepared for the reality. There was a nice casserole on a heater that smelled like Sookie’s cooking, a huge Thermos of coffee – one she recognized as coming from Luke’s diner – and a note that there was dessert in the fridge. Curious she walked over and took a peek. Luke’s infamous – and absolutely unbeatable – brownie cheesecake. Her mouth filled with saliva. A meal that Luke and Sookie both had contributed to? Oh, this was Heaven! This was perfect._

_By mutual agreement they set the table – something Paris had shown diplomacy enough not to do, just in case Rory had returned on her own – and served dinner before starting their possibly not so pleasant conversation. After all, nothing looked **quite** as bad when your stomach was filled with Sookie’s food. And, should she be wrong about that, well then there was Luke’s coffee and dessert to help bring her spirits up again. And, should all else fail; there was also a new bottle of vodka and more than enough orange juice in the fridge._

_In the end though there had been no need for alcohol, and Luke’s offerings had been enjoyed with appreciation and laughter. The talking had gone the way Rory had hoped, and Colin had managed to expel most of her fears very nicely. She hadn’t been quite ready to just throw herself into a relationship, which Colin had understood, but they’d agreed to spend some time together and “see where it leads”. It had been apparent that both expected, and/or hoped, it to go the same way, but still… Also there had still been some – unvoiced – questions in Rory’s mind about Stephanie. She didn’t want to believe that the blond girl had lied to her for months, but neither did she want to believe that Colin was lying to her now._ If only there was some way, _Rory thought as they settled down in front of the TV to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,_ to find out what was true and what was not. _But as she had no idea how something like that would be possible she settled for watching one of her favorite movies, with a nice boy and great dessert._

_Somehow it didn’t feel much like settling._

_~ End flashback ~_

~*~*~*~

Rory smiled as she leaned her head into Colin’s shoulder. She’d wanted a way to see the truth yesterday, but had been convinced she’d never **really** know. Of course, she didn’t think that it would have stopped her from dating Colin sooner or later, but still. You never knew when something like that would come back to bite you in the behind. Just like you never knew exactly **how** stupid a Lorelai Gilmore could be. Well, now she knew. She’d never have figured Stephanie to be so manipulative and lie like that, but luckily the other girl had fallen into her own trap. And luckily Rory herself hadn’t been an idiot last night.

“What’s so funny?”

“Oh, just thinking how sometimes everything just falls into place. If Paris and Finn hadn’t meddled yesterday, or if I had been more stubborn and then gotten Stephanie’s call… Let’s just say I’d never have given you the time of day afterwards. Not only because of her, but also because last night was supposed to be about me burying any and all hopes of… well, this. I actually wasn’t completely sure last night, about you and Stephanie, but I **was** sure about one thing: that I’d never know for sure. And then she called. I’m thinking she **really** didn’t mean to have this effect on me.”

“Oh? And what effect would that be?” Colin said with a chuckle, clearly following her thoughts on his ex.

“The one that makes me think maybe we don’t need **that** much time. So, when are you going to take me on that second date?” she said, slightly challenging.

“Are you free tonight?”

“For you? Absolutely. Now, is that coffee done soon?”


	14. Chapter 14

**It’s All About Love (Epilogue)**

Rory looked over at Colin. He was as handsome as ever, as attentive as she could ask for and everything she could have wished for. After four years together she was still falling more and more in love with him just about every day. The feeling, she knew, was mutual. The two of them would still get complaints every now and then for their “sickening sugary displays of affection”. Paris complained often and loudly that she was sure to get diabetes from just being around them. Neither of them cared the slightest.

It had been expected by just about “everyone” that they should get engaged once Rory graduated from Yale – and that a wedding should follow no more than a year later. (Emily Gilmore had in fact started interviewing wedding planners that April.) It had been heralded as such a certain fact that Rory had been asked by at least two dozen girls during her graduation day where she was hiding the ring. But Colin had once again shown proof of the sensitivity she so loved about him and declared he was ready to wait.

_“Lorelai Leigh Gilmore, Rory. I love you and hope you’ll be my wife one day. For now though I’m waiting. I have your heart and that’s enough for me. That’s all I ever want, all I’ll ever need. When the time’s right we’ll both know, just as we know it’s not now.”_

Colin had been bright enough to see that while Rory might have turned down the job she’d been offered, to go on the Obama campaign trail as a reporter for an on-line magazine, and instead stayed with him to get married, it wouldn’t have been the right thing to do. So, instead of holding her back he’d encouraged her to try her wings while always providing her with a safe loving place to come back to. Rory had only respected and loved him more for it. That decision had also been what had placed Luke firmly and irrevocably in Colin’s corner.

Instead Paris had, surprisingly enough, been the one to show up at graduation with a sparkling new diamond ring. Even more surprising than Paris’ actual engagement had been to **whom** she’d gotten engaged. It hadn’t been Doyle, as many would have predicted. Rory herself had been one of those many at first.

But that had been before Doyle had screwed up, and royally so.

When the time had come to choose a new editor of the YDN it had been down to either Paris or Rory. Rory had gotten the job, due to her “better people-skills”. The words had been Doyle’s. While Paris had no problem admitting to her lack of people-skills in private, having them announced in public was a completely different matter. Having them announced in public by her boyfriend… Paris had not exploded, she’d **im** ploded. Rory had found her room-mate in the YDN staff toilet, sobbing and unable to get up off the floor.

While the fact that Rory had gotten the position instead of Paris might under normal circumstances have caused trouble between the two friends there simply had not been room for such petty rivalry amidst the chaos Doyle’s behavior caused. Paris had felt betrayed, and rightly so, and refused to even speak to him again. _“I could have forgiven him for thinking you’d be better for the job, I could’ve and I would’ve. But to **say** so? To tell all those people? If that’s how he really felt, why didn’t he tell **me** instead?”_

Rory had agreed, and had told Doyle so in less than diplomatic terms. After all: no one would have questioned it had Doyle chosen to stay silent on the matter, seeing as he could hardly be called objective when one candidate was his girlfriend. The fact that the other candidate shared an apartment with him and said girlfriend… Well. Add Paris’ and Rory’s rocky past to the mix, and any halfway intelligent male would have known to keep quiet. That Doyle hadn’t said a lot. And then not to talk to Paris herself about it? Unbelievably stupid, and totally unforgivable.

Doyle had begged. He’d groveled. He’d sent roses, had bought chocolate, had even gone as far as to enlist Paris’ life coach Terrence. The only results had been overflowing garbage bags and a fired Terrence (which was all for the good as far as Rory was concerned). Doyle’s insistence that Paris couldn’t stop him from coming back home – she’d kicked him out and changed the locks – since his name also was on the lease had caused both girls to move out immediately. An angry Rory and a still-hurting but slowly healing Paris had boxed up everything except the bare necessities, stored the boxes and moved into Colin’s place – while he had very gentleman-like stayed with Finn. A month later Colin’s next-door neighbors had moved out, and seeing as that apartment had an extra bedroom Colin had pounced on the opportunity – and insisted both girls come live with him.

Paris then had spent all her free time with Rory and Colin – and Finn. The truce the two had began in order to get Rory and Colin together had stayed in place to make socializing easier; had over time grown into friendship and trust, and then finally blossomed into love.

And unlike Doyle Finn had been smart enough to not only recognize Paris as the best thing that had ever come his way but also to make sure once he got her she didn’t get away again. That summer Finn had whisked a still-hesitant Paris off to Australia. The two had come back as a couple, both seeming calmer and happier than Rory had ever seen either of them. The day before Paris’ graduation Finn had proposed, in a very un-Finn-like discreet way, and Paris had accepted – being no stupider than Finn. Two months later the couple had gotten married in a small, private ceremony on Finn’s grandparents’ property in Australia. Rory and Colin had been two of only ten people invited. The love radiating from the newly-weds had been pure, unadulterated and breathtaking, making Rory long to one day be the one standing there in a white dress – Colin at her side. Just as the love in Colin’s eyes had told her that he too felt that longing.

That summer the foursome had been welded together even closer than before. They had spent time together in Australia before the wedding, met up in Italy for a vacation a few weeks after and finally relaxing slash apartment hunting back in the States.

In the fall Paris and Finn had taken up residence in Boston – Paris finally at Harvard, having been accepted to Medical School – while Rory moved to Colin in New York. Still, the two cities were close enough for frequent visits.

On the other hand, the once formidable trio of Colin, Finn and Logan was no more. Logan had not taken the news of Finn’s engagement to Paris well, and the news about the wedding even less so. Logan had not felt the need to join Colin and Finn for the girls’ graduation and as a result had found out about the engagement through his voice mail. **That** however had made the spoiled blond leave daddy’s Manhattan office in a huff and race down to New Haven, to “talk” to Finn. The talking had quickly moved on to yelling, and Rory had been happy that Paris wasn’t there to hear it. In fact, she herself shouldn’t have been there – Finn still didn’t know – but it had been… interesting.

_“What’s your problem, Logan? Huh? I’ve found someone that makes me happy, that makes my life be about more than parties and pranks and redheads. In fact, I don’t think I’ve been this happy since I left Australia. So why aren’t you, supposedly one of my best friends, happy for me?”_

_“You’re **supposed** to be partying with redheads, Finn! That’s who you are, remember? Not playing house with some neurotic, stuck-up perfectionist who’s probably only after your money. Did you know her parents had to leave the country? Left her with nothing except for tuition.”_

_“Yeah, I know. I was there when it happened, Logan. I know more about it than you ever will. Just like I know more about Paris than you ever will. You’re just pissed that she thinks so lowly of you.”_

_“I– What? No! That’s not true!”_

_“Yeah, I think it is. Just like with Rory. You don’t approve of her and Colin either, you never did, and I’m finally starting to see why. Rory never fell for that Huntzberger-charm now did she? She chose Colin over you, several times, not even giving you a second glance. The same goes for Paris. Two lovely young women; talented, smart, charming… Probably the two finest specimens of the female race we’ve come across in the years we’ve known each other and both rejects you. To them you’re not some grand prize, just a waste of space, and that just about kills you, doesn’t it? Either one of those two would make the kind of wife, companion, **partner** any man should be proud of – and neither of them would touch you with a poker. I never knew you could be so petty, Logan. Or maybe I did, but I still would have expected you to be a better friend than this._

_Still. No matter what you think I’m marrying Paris. Your invitation’s still good, but I expect you to be pleasant to my lovely fiancée. If you can’t, then stay away.”_

Logan hadn’t shown up, hadn’t called or congratulated in any way. Finn had taken it hard, better than expected but still hard, as had Colin. It was, after all, a very public statement as well as practically a deathblow to their friendship. However, both agreed that a friend that couldn’t accept the women in their lives was one they were well rid off. To their credit the duo had been more graceful than Logan deserved and not only attended **his** wedding to some society bimbo a year later as well but also kept quiet during the messy divorce that followed after less than five months. They still met for drinks a couple of times a year, but the friendship wasn’t really there anymore. No one missed it – except perhaps a stubborn, lonely Logan.

Another one that was out of their lives was Stephanie. The blond girl had not taken the news that Colin and Rory were dating well, nor the realization that her lies had been exposed. She’d screamed, schemed and been an absolute pain for the rest of the semester. Rory and Colin had tried to ignore her, but it hadn’t been easy or comfortable – especially not as she and Colin were still both members of the LDB. Summer had been a relief.

When returning to Yale in the fall Rory had held her breath, just waiting for Stephanie’s next move – only to be surprised by the addition of an “Italian Stallion” and a huge rock on the blonde’s left hand. She’d ignored Rory for the entire year, while being barely courteous to Colin. When the wedding invitations were sent that May Colin was invited; Rory not. Neither had really cared, since attending wouldn’t have been an option anyway. Colin had been angry at the insult it had meant, not to invite his significant other, but he’d shook it off quickly – counting his blessings that it wasn’t him marrying the pretty but manipulative blond. Since then their only contact with her had been through the gossip pages.

After following Barack Obama for almost a year Rory had been offered a possibility to go abroad. While the assignment in question hadn’t been memorable in any way it had still been an opportunity that couldn’t be missed, and so she’d said yes. She’d “hopped around” Europe for a while, with frequent visits back home to Colin, ending with three months in Geneva reporting on different NGO’s before returning to the States. That had been less than two months ago, just before Christmas, and a day to be forever marked in her internal calendar. The reason? She’d been offered a spot on the New York Times. Sure, only for a year while one reporter was on extended maternity leave, but still. The Times. Good things were bound to come from that, Rory had felt. Also, it meant being back with Colin. She’d take worse than the Times for that.

_Yeah, life’s great_ , Rory thought as she smiled at Colin. Then finally the dial tone in her cell changed to a voice, and she switched focus.

“Hello?”

“Paris? It’s Rory. So, are you still up for that blue dress?”

~The End? ~

_“And then they lived happily ever after” a fairytale would let us know. Colin and Rory? Well, they lived, and mostly they were happy._

_In October that year, on the five-year anniversary of their first date and only days after Rory’s 25th birthday, the two are married. It’s everything Rory’s dreamed of, and more. Her excitement when she sees Colin standing at the end of the aisle – and yes, Finn is by his side – leaves bruises on Luke’s arm. Neither notice; neither would care._

_Rory doesn’t get to stay at the New York Times after that first year. Still, she’s one of the first to be called whenever there’s a vacancy and that combined with freelance writing in various magazines – on- and off-line – provides enough work to satisfy her ambitions. For the next couple of years she works this way, gives birth to two daughters – neither of which is named Lorelai – and spends her free hours writing about Stars Hollow. Just for fun, at first, but soon a series of books portraying the town, its quirky traditions and even quirkier inhabitants are a must in Andrew’s bookstore. Rory’s book about “The Many Incarnations of Kirk” even becomes a hit outside the Hollow._

_The year Rory turns 29 a staff-member retires, and Rory’s brought on-board the Times for good. She likes her job, and loves her family, but every day is not bliss. There are also the days when she wishes she’d kept working towards becoming a foreign correspondent, the days when she swears she regrets having children and the days when her life feels practically claustrophobic and she almost (but not quite) regrets giving Colin a second chance. Luckily those days are in the minority. Because of the other days; the ones when they get a babysitter just to be able to stay an extra hour curled up together in bed, the days they go for walks in the closest park and the movie nights when they share brownie cheesecake & coffee and just remember. _

_At sixty Rory spends half the year dragging Colin, who’s been practically-but-not-quite forced into early retirement, around the globe. Their travels are part pleasure, part business – gathering material for her books and articles. The rest of the year they spend in their Stars Hollow home, with friends and family. Both guest-lecture at Yale every now and again, liking the idea of passing their experience and knowledge on. They also spend a disturbing amount of time trying to get over the shock of their oldest grand-child, 18 year-old (Lorelai) Christina, announcing her engagement to 25 year-old Robin – fifth and youngest child of “Dr and Mr Gellar”. They’re bound to succeed any year now. Luke blames the Lorelai-gene. Lorelai’s making sketches for a wedding dress, and Finn… Finn just smiles, in a way that lets Rory know his thoughts: that maybe this time the Lorelai should end up with “him”…_

_All in all they’re happy more days that not, and that’s what should count. And Colin’s kisses still makes Rory feel whole – and her toes curl…_


End file.
